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NC needed before my LO gets married

Tell us your story. What has been your experience?
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Sara
Posts: 179
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Sara » Fri Feb 07, 2020 1:41 pm

Nevermind my determination is dead
We met for lunch yesterday - i asked for it
Today i did feel detached though i had a walk in the sun was thinking wisey that mutual attraction is not enough we are just not meant to be i have to accept that.
And then ...
We bumped into each other 2 min later
Is it karma or what?? Is this a big joke from God
Or is this guy following me?
It happened in the past
I had a moment of determination a few years ago
And then bumped into him at a train station
limerence with Dom Juan since sept 2015

Acrobatica
Posts: 604
Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2018 6:02 pm
France

Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Acrobatica » Fri Feb 07, 2020 4:27 pm

Sarah:

Those karmic feels are so difficult. In my mind, I go back and forth between, are these feelings of destiny/specialness meaningful or just brain blips of neurochemicals? Who wants to believe life is meaningless? That’s depressing. Yet these feelings of destiny and specialness often seem to be associated with problematic personalities. And who wants to go through life in pain in the belief that this pain is destiny? Also depressing.

Trying to maybe forge a third path. Destiny is teaching me lessons in sending all these lovely problematic personalities my way. And my path is to learn from my mistakes and past pain.

Wishing you strength Sarah!

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Sara
Posts: 179
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France

Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Sara » Sun Feb 09, 2020 11:33 am

Thank you acrobatica.
I need to learn from my mistakes
Its the second LE jn my life so obviously now I see there is a pattern.
Need to learn and move on
Ill try
This time is hard i have settled in life , have kids, husband, job, mortgage. I cant run away like the first time and change country to avoid LO!
limerence with Dom Juan since sept 2015

L-F
Posts: 2789
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by L-F » Sun Feb 09, 2020 4:08 pm

Acrobatica wrote:
Fri Feb 07, 2020 4:27 pm
Trying to maybe forge a third path. Destiny is teaching me lessons in sending all these lovely problematic personalities my way. And my path is to learn from my mistakes and past pain.
Problematic personalities attract problematic personalities. People become infatuated with people who become infatuated. It's all about self improvement. Radical honesty is the key for many to unlock the door to learning from past mistakes. Healthy people simply don't get involved with problematic personalities. That's why we are all here. To be radically honest with ourselves for self-improvement so we no longer make those mistakes. It's really not about LO.
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
@};-

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Sara
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France

Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Sara » Sun Feb 09, 2020 4:15 pm

Totally agree
I should have stick fromthe start to a no weekly lunch on one to one
I asked for problems frankly
But yes he was here for me im going through a difficult time in my life he does as well we both feel lonely and we enjoyed each other company
limerence with Dom Juan since sept 2015

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Sara
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France

Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Sara » Mon Feb 10, 2020 5:57 pm

i feel its coming to an end I just have enough its killing me this thing
Hes now away for next 2 weeks. Time for NC i will try to stick to NC when hes back which I really wanted to do when he came back after his wedding in september 2019!! Its terrible he met me straight away after 3 weeks of wedding celebrations.
If i was his wife 😤😡
Today i want to write down here on this forum what I would love to send him as a text : please lets stay away from each other i dont want to see you anymore, hear from you we need to stop this fake friendship
I dont want to meet your wife, i don't want to be close to you
I will be honest i have this strong pull towards you that I cant control and cant explain
But what i know is that I have suffered a lot because ofthis because of you. Leave me alone. Dont respond to my texts, dont accept lunch invites from me, dont ask to meet me. Dont pull me back to you when i finally become silent.
Its finished
We have to stop suffering and stay away from each other
limerence with Dom Juan since sept 2015

L-F
Posts: 2789
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by L-F » Tue Feb 11, 2020 6:57 pm

To help you out a little...
Sara wrote:
Mon Feb 10, 2020 5:57 pm
Dont respond to my texts
Don't text him.
Sara wrote:
Mon Feb 10, 2020 5:57 pm
dont accept lunch invites from me
Don't invite him.
Sara wrote:
Mon Feb 10, 2020 5:57 pm
dont ask to meet me
Dont respond. Better yet, say 'no'.
Sara wrote:
Mon Feb 10, 2020 5:57 pm
Dont pull me back to you when i finally become silent.
Stay silent anyway.

Your actions are what's pulling him in, because he probably feels compelled to rescue you.

Do you have a therapist, family and friends you can turn to to help you out instead of turning to LO to lean on? It sounds like an awfully confusing time for you and an extremely difficult one too. Perhaps find someone you can confide in? At any rate, writing it all down here can help too.

All the best Sara.
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
@};-

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Sara
Posts: 179
Joined: Wed Jul 10, 2019 8:06 pm
Gender:
France

Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Sara » Wed Feb 12, 2020 3:22 pm

Woww this sounds right L-F
Its a hard pill to swallow and yes I need help! I mean the forum hS helped me to remove some fog
I dont have time and money tosee a therapist

There is an element of what you say and i think deep down I ran away in 2016 whenI got pregnant and he changed job. I didnt save his number and email because i knew i was needy with him and it was inappropriate.

Why the hell did he reconnect? He specifically asked my number , asked to meet up, and asked for news . He did that for a few months until i was hooked and needy again.
limerence with Dom Juan since sept 2015

Maddie
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Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Maddie » Wed Feb 12, 2020 3:55 pm

he may have a "need" to be needed...do they call it the white knight syndrome? regardless, you don't have to worry about filling that need for him. he clearly has his own work to do (or not)...his choice

kudos to you Sara on working on yourself :ymhug:
40, F
ex-LO, 51 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

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Sara
Posts: 179
Joined: Wed Jul 10, 2019 8:06 pm
Gender:
France

Re: NC needed before my LO gets married

Post by Sara » Fri Feb 14, 2020 9:59 am

Thank you folks for trying to help me, this website is really a savior at the moment....
Im feeling so down i dont recognize myself,
I have family this weekend at home i have to put my smily face i just cant anymore i feel sick and tired , my kids wake up in the night , every night :((( i probably slept 4 hours last night by adding hours here and there
I dont see the end of the tunnel gosh this is hard.
Im home todya couldnt go to work i felt so down and tired and sick
My mood is now impacting my husband who is also down and tired...
At that stage nothing to do with LO we are just colleting the pieces he left of me and my family...
I need to refocus on my husband and kids that is what I cherish most.
Ive put a picture of me and my husband as profile pic which i think is a strong signal to send Lo far away...
Hes on holidays with his wife i just dont want him back.
When hes back i will read this to see that really i cannot reconnect with him he is bad for me.
limerence with Dom Juan since sept 2015

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