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Thin sliver of hope

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Bluebell
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Thin sliver of hope

Post by Bluebell » Sun Nov 03, 2019 9:06 am

Beneath everything I do and say there is a sliver of hope that LO will come back. I can't shake it as hard as I try. I woke up this morning and began analysing immediately the connection, how our names although different and unusual mean the same thing and our Birthdays are closely linked by this meaning also. Who cares or gives a damn, it means absolutely nothing, it certainly isn't the basis for a connection or anything. This is the hardest time for me, i want an acknowledgement that will not be given, I must just work my way through and reach some kind of peace. I want rid of it and the exhausting thoughts and restlessness. Promise to me: don't waste anymore time and tears on this, don't allow your heart to break. Be strong xx
F 49
LO M 52 10yrs
NC 1yr +
'Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.'

Pattihopeful
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Re: Thin sliver of hope

Post by Pattihopeful » Sun Nov 03, 2019 11:31 am

So sorry you are going through this Bluebell. I think it is all a part of this. In the LE, we look for signs we were meant to be. I have those too. It is so hard to stop doing that. We place so much weight on what LO feels about us so it would make sense you still hold out some hope. It's like the romantic movies where the guy realizes he wants the woman and comes running to her. I have read that rarely happens.

I go through the same thing since being rejected. I have to try so hard to counteract those thoughts. I long for him to say I am attractive and he really did have feelings for me. I am craving validation.

Hugs to you. You are not alone!!

Bluebell
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Re: Thin sliver of hope

Post by Bluebell » Sun Nov 03, 2019 6:02 pm

Yes thank you Pattihopeful I am hungry for validation like you say. I will struggle until after Christmas now simply because he will not be in touch. It has been so long now I don't even know whether I'd play the game again, i have come so far and even if he wants to reach out to me it's probably the same story for him, we can never go back now and we have no future. It is simple and straightforward but so hard to come to terms with the void. I also really, really don't want to fill that void with another LE so I know I'm in the best place I can be right now too. Sorry for rambling on🙈xx
F 49
LO M 52 10yrs
NC 1yr +
'Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.'

Bridget
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Re: Thin sliver of hope

Post by Bridget » Sun Nov 03, 2019 8:54 pm

BB, I don't know if that sliver of hope ever goes away completely. It's still in my mind, though I only think about it when my SO has disappointed me or done something especially aggravating.

The desire for validation, on the other hand, can be addressed and should be so you won't seek something else external to make you feel whole. The only solution that I know of is to become your own authority on who you are and what you are worth. It may require a lot of deprogramming of your current beliefs, but it's possible and helps tremendously. I'm still working on it, but that and NC go well together and help the LE fade over time.

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NoDayDreaming
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Re: Thin sliver of hope

Post by NoDayDreaming » Mon Nov 04, 2019 1:17 am

BB,
IMHO, you need validation from SO, your friends and your family. also from yourself, hard to do, but possible via meditations and positive thinking.
you also need to resign that the LO will never ever give you what you need.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

Maddie
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Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
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Re: Thin sliver of hope

Post by Maddie » Mon Nov 04, 2019 2:59 pm

NoDayDreaming wrote:
Mon Nov 04, 2019 1:17 am
you also need to resign that the LO will never ever give you what you need.
I needed to hear this too. This is hard to wrap my mind around, but to me, it is VERY true...yes, NEVER EVER.

Prayers for your healing and recovery, BB :ymhug: I hope you have some good support outside the forum too.
39, F
LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

marko
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Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
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Re: Thin sliver of hope

Post by marko » Wed Nov 06, 2019 4:48 pm

Bluebell wrote:
Sun Nov 03, 2019 6:02 pm
Yes thank you Pattihopeful I am hungry for validation like you say. I will struggle until after Christmas now simply because he will not be in touch. It has been so long now I don't even know whether I'd play the game again, i have come so far and even if he wants to reach out to me it's probably the same story for him, we can never go back now and we have no future. It is simple and straightforward but so hard to come to terms with the void. I also really, really don't want to fill that void with another LE so I know I'm in the best place I can be right now too. Sorry for rambling on🙈xx
I imagine this the current mindset of those of us who are somewhat past. Validation--with not one bit of that on the horizon, you look back to where it came from and sense a future void. Trying to think past that is tough. How do you rewrite the notion you won't be validated, and to stay away from this form of validation. Been there, doing that :)

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