I continue to revise this list based on my own and other’s growing knowledge and experience.  That said, there is still a woeful lack of research on treatments for limerence.

This list is based on my own experience of healing from limerence, having read hundreds of other people’s’ stories and also from the many clients i’ve coached and counselled with limerence, addictions and attachment trauma.

Latest update is February 2017

The one thing i can’t stress more than anything is limerence is all about us. Our LO’s are just catalysts. They are mirrors that show us our own difficulties in forming healthy relationships. There is no magical other, no quick fix through the emotional turmoil. If we leave our current relationship to be with LO, we take ourselves and all our emotional baggage with us and miss the opportunity of doing some really deep and important growth work.

Cut off all contact with your LO Going NC is  hard, but it’s really important. Why? The main reason is that contact with LO stimulates your limerence. Contact with LO just re-energizes your emotional ties. By the way, if you slip up, just dust yourself off, forgive yourself and go back to your plan. Contact means every kind of contact. You’ll do well to cut off all social media contact, too. No texting, no searching for pictures, etc.

Get into psychotherapy Few therapists have heard of the term limerence, but most will be familiar with relational trauma and attachment wounds.  We need to explore these early life wounds and get reconnected to our feelings that we cut off from in early life. Therapy helps with this.

Join a 12 step program. If there is a SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous)  group, even better   Im not totally sold on the ritualistically following of the steps themselves, however there is something very powerful and supportive in being amongst others that are struggling with similar issues.

Consider relationship coaching / couples  counselling. Limerence often occurs when there are cracks in our primary relationship. Limerence is also a symptom  of relational trauma from early life attachment wounds. Jumping ship to a new relationship is not the answer for limerence. Better we invest our energy in how we relate to our partner and how they relate to us. Relationships take two to tango so hopefully your partner will aso commit to the process.

Explore the dynamics of your Family of Origin. As mentioned above Limerence usually if not always stems from early life attachment trauma. Understanding the dynamics that were at play in your family whilst growing up will better help you see how these are replayed in your current relationships.

Break the habit of thinking/obsessing/fantasizing about LO I’ll hit the high points here, but this is a MAJOR part of dealing with limerence, so don’t skip over it. Habits are all about triggers that stimulate an action which leads to a perceived reward. In the case of limerence, something (a trigger) will cause you to think of LO (the action) which will bring you pleasure (the reward) for a moment. First, identify as many as possible of the triggers that stimulate your obsessive thinking about LO. There will probably be a lot of them if you’ve been limerent for very long. For example, you may associate LO with a particular song. You need to stop listening to that song while you are limerent. The key is to take a way as many things that trigger your limerent thoughts. You may have to change some of your routines. For those triggers that you can’t take away, you need to work at substituting another action to break the habit. I found that substituting another pleasurable thought or fantasy in place of thinking about LO sometimes worked. Breaking these habits is a long-term effort. It’s not about being perfect, but just breaking down your habitual thinking about LO. There are two good books  that might help: “The Power of Habits” and “The Willpower Instinct.”

Resist the urge to disclose to LO For many of us disclosure becomes an all consuming thought. Im of the view that disclosure very rarely gives us the relief we are seeking. As limerence is all about us, we don’t need LO’s input into our healing work.  The only exception to this I would add is if your LO is your psychotherapist, but sadly my own experience and of others has been even in these situations, it seems few therapists have done the really deep work on their own attachment traumas and thus are poorly equipped to deal with the transference issues.

Disclose to your SO If in a committed monogamous relationship, then I’d suggest this is an [i]ideal[/i] to aim for. I appreciate this is fraught with risk for some but if were really going to nurture our primary relationship, it needs to be built on honesty and trust. That means sharing difficult stuff. It may be you need some marriage counselling first.

Think of limerence as a creature- the limerbeast-that you are battling for control of your mind and emotions. The limerbeast is big and strong and living comfortably in your brain like a hookworm  so it’s virtually impossible to fight it head-on. I found that the best way to fight it was by small acts of defiance, such as: distracting myself from thinking about LO for a few minutes, resisting the urge to text LO, not looking at her, etc–kind of mental guerilla warfare. I envisioned each little act of defiance putting a dart into the beast. You’ll know when the dart goes in because the beast will react badly to the defiance. Over time those little darts take a toll on the beast and you can fight harder. It also makes fighting limerence a little more appealing because you have a tangible enemy to target.

You need some common sense rules to guide you when your limerent desire is really heated up.  One rule of thumb for me was: If I want to do something related to LO, it is usually a bad idea. If I don’t want to do something related to LO, it is usually a good idea to do it. It’s nice to have rules like that to fall back on when limerence skews your thinking and feelings. Limerence causes very, very strong emotions and your desires seem totally justified because they come from within and are so intense.

Make a list of LO’s flaws. Limerence literally rewrites history so only flaws in our SO and only the perfection in our LO. Our rational brain knows LO is not perfect, but our rational brain is pushed into a corner by all our intense emotions.  Give our rational brain a fighting chance to bring common sense back into play.  Look at it every now and then to remind yourself that LO is not a god, a madonna nor adonis.

Read everything you can on limerence, love addiction, relationships There are some good reading lists on this forum. Knowledge is power. Take responsibility for your own healing.

Use the people on this forum for advice, comfort, insight Reading and commenting on other people’s limerence can give greater insight into your own limerence.

Keep a journal of your feelings and experiences along the journey. It helps to note what works, what is hard, what you learn, etc.

Meditate and practice mindfulness Many report these centreing techniques have helped calm the mind. Being present in the hear and now takes us away from past hurts and future fantasies. As Fritz Perl’s so eloquently stated – anxiety is the gap between now and the future

Don’t make life changing decisions under the influence of limerence The neuro chemicals that are released in limerence are so potent that our thinking and judgement becomes completely distorted.  Wait until to fog has lifted. This will take months or more likely a few years. I wish it were quicker. Generally its not.

Click here for an excellent article on healing from early life deprivation and faulty attachments.  I believe these are at the root of limerence and most other addictions:

Recommended Articles


  1. Thank you for this I was searching all over for what was going on in my head and then I discovered the term limerence and this list is awesome and will help me to have hope in the situation I am going through! Thanks for the post 🙂

  2. Thank you. It helps to know there are a lot of other people experiencing limerence. I stumble on this term when searching for answers to what I was feeling. It is more pain than pleasure. This site helps.

  3. This site is very interesting. I came across and saw the many resources available. It’s great to know I am not the only one who feels this way!

  4. I’m so glad I found this. I now now I’m not crazy and hopefully I will be able to get over it. I was starting to think I would never be able to get rid of these feelings! think this needs to be promoted more.

  5. I think I’m going mad!!! I cannot get over someone, but I have to see him weekly. We talk daily by text but I know he just wants to be friends. I desperately want more than friends but I am married and so is he. I know he doesn’t want anything more since we stopped things but I am beyond obsessed. I’m so confused!!

    1. Hi Allie,

      A lot of us are probably in the same boat. I have OCD and anxiety, and I KNOW that my feelings towards someone in particular are not rational, but that doesn’t make them real. I think about this person probably 100 times a day. I HAVE to find a way to take control back in my life. If you read some of the above info it helps to make you think of this person as actually a “thing” that you need to get over, kind of like a sickness. I am going to seek some counseling and get some books to read to start.

  6. This is so well written, so pragmatic, so compassionate. I sent my deep thanks.

    From one vulnerable human to another

  7. This was great! I didn’t realize until now that I’ve been using my LO to fill up the emptiness in my heart from past hurts. Every time I thought of him, I was in my “happy place”. But, only momentarily because hell was sure to follow.

  8. Is there any RESEARCH MONEY going into limerence? I’m serial limerent, and as I age it’s happening MORE (not less) often and lasts far too long. It was horrifying when a few years ago my LO was 30 yrs younger than I.

    1. Nope and there is a woeful lack of awareness of limerence in the therapeutic community, hence me drive to set up the support forum.

  9. good to know that there are others that feel the same way i do. I had no idea that there is a word for what i am feeling. I’ve been dealing with it for a while. I’ve been battling limerence for the past year and doing a good job at it. I cut off all contact with my LO and I am starting to feel like my old self again.

  10. I talked to this guy for quite some time and then was put in the friend zone out of nowhere. And now i can’t get over him. I see him daily and we even have to walk to a few classes together so getting over or avoiding him is a hard thing to accomplish. I’m torn apart.. 🙁 😳

  11. Ok, So I am fifty, happily married and have been faithful since I met my wife in my teens. I started to work with someone two years ago and I am in real difficulty. I know the condition to be Limerence, but at first I was just utterly confused. I’m about 18 months in and I really need to escape the emotional roller coaster. My dear wife needs my full attention and support. My fundamental problem is that whilst I want to kill the limerent obsession, I dearly want to remain friends with the other party. They have their own relationship issues and I think the reason this may have started was because they were fragile and needed a friend, Is it possible for me to escape the limerence but maintain a healthy and positive friendship?

    1. Ask yourself what is your motivation for being friends? What’s more important–your wife or your LO? In AA we have a saying that if you hang around a barber shop long enough you’re going to get a haircut. My personal experience is to flee my LO (mine aren’t committed relationships). Run as fast and as far as I can. When I’m weak, I will find him, I will turn to him. I love cookies and I will eat a million Oreos in a day so I don’t keep them in my house–no temptation.

      1. I can relate to EVERYTHING you said! I am also in AA. I just found out about Limerence today and I am so happy to know there is name for it. I am 56 and becoming SO free! I also know I am ACE and just found that out recently. So being 20 years sober, and knowing I am just me being me and there isn’t anything any more abnormal about me than lots of other people makes me so happy. Thank you so much for putting this forum up!

    2. I am a bit younger than you but am going through exactly the same thing. My home life is perfect, and my LO has been a huge support through difficulties at work. I’d like to remain friends but fear it’s impossible. I am now not only fighting Limerence but also mourning the loss of a friend.

  12. Zack, chances are limited. Sounds like you want to rescue her. Is that your job?

    Plenty of help and advice on the main forum

  13. Wow reading this article woke me up!! I have been suffering this for 14 years!!!! I don’t see him often , we even live on different continent but i still suffer!! when i forget him for a while its like there is a string that pulls me back!! now I’m determined to heal myself…Now I’m thinking that I was /not in love Im ill!!!!

  14. Ah, I’m so glad I found this ! Man I’m going to do everything to get back to my old-self, I’m concient that my behaviour isn’t normal since a couple of weeks but I think I just wouldn’t admit it … Well, let’s get healing !
    I am not staying like this any longer !
    Thank you soooooo much !

  15. I am and have suffered from Limerence quite severely on several occasions.

    Cani strongly suggest people down Ekhart Tolles the Power of Now and listen to the chapter on the Pain Body.

  16. For a very long time I have been dealing with this condition. My friends and family thought I was crazy that I could be so heartbroken after a guy. Right now, I’m getting over ANOTHER guy. This one is the hardest so far. I’m having insomnia, I can’t eat or even drink water, I’m trying to positively condition myself. I’m really worried and I keep talking to friends but… It’s just so difficult. Is there any way to cure this nausea? I feel so weak. :sigh:

    1. [quote name=”Lisa”]For a very long time I have been dealing with this condition. My friends and family thought I was crazy that I could be so heartbroken after a guy. Right now, I’m getting over ANOTHER guy. This one is the hardest so far. I’m having insomnia, I can’t eat or even drink water, I’m trying to positively condition myself. I’m really worried and I keep talking to friends but… It’s just so difficult. Is there any way to cure this nausea? I feel so weak. :sigh:[/quote]

      I just found this site – its a terrible awful thing ..1st time ever for me…I am embarrassed about it really, are you ok now?

  17. It’s been a 4 year nightmare. I hated feeling the way I did about this person. We worked together so was difficult to avoid him. A few months ago before I ever heard the term limerence, I knew I had to remove myself from the situation. so I got another job. It has been a struggle. But today I came across this concept of limerence online. What a relief. Already I am beginning to feel free again. I’m hopeful. I’m getting myself back. Never want this to happen again.

  18. I figured out I was limerent about 8 months into a flirting relationship that was literally driving me crazy (I was married and he has a gf). I went through divorce knowing my needs weren’t being met, and tried to just be friends with my LO for over six additional months, but it only made me crazier. I finally cut off ALL communication with my LO, and feel so much freer. I still have fleeting thoughts of him, want to revisit music we shared, etc., but it’s becoming much easier to move on without the constant reminders and conversations with him.

    I am 54 years old, this hit me like lightning out of the blue, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. He got under my skin and into my psyche unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life.

  19. I’ve been in this state for one year. I’m a 29 year- old girl, married, and my LO Is a 19 year-old guy. We met online and never met in real life. I’ve cried a lot feeling guilty, obsessed, with low self-steam and totally possessed by this uncontrollable though. Why did I become limerant with this guy? I hated my marriage, hated myself because I felt too old to deserve him…. It was terribly crazy. He corresponded me and also rejected me, so I suppose this last thing increased my pathology. Finally, after all this time I could have a moment of brightness and understood that I deeply love my husband. This though has helped me to move on and focus on my marriage. The strong love for my husband and his sweet treatment have given me energy to go through this situation and to heal my mind.

  20. 😕 I’m just now hearing about Limerence but I’ve experienced it several times since I was a child. My current LO is a coworker of my (one of my managers and friends).
    I have two issues. One, I work with him and I see him on a regular basis, so avoiding him is very hard. I don’t want to quit my job, I love the work I do there and I love my other coworkers!

    Secondly, I told him about my upcoming 18th birthday and he said he wants to attend my party. I already invited him before I knew about Limerence and I now think it may be a bad idea as it would be an ultimate high for me in my Limerence. I want to sleep with him or cuddle or have feelings reciprocated but I know better to do that. I don’t want to uninvite him though, it would be so rude dice he seems to be excite for it.

  21. I am married to a woman who is afflicted with this condition, and we have just spoken about this today. At first I was shocked and confused, and frankly quite angry. It took a while, lots of shouting and talking, and screaming, and talking. Finally, after perhaps 3-4 hours of this back and forth and confusion, I was able to hear her. This condition is terrible. I have no doubt it exists, and it explains sooo much that has happened between us over the last year. I find myself yearning for her to have confided in me before all this, so that perhaps we could of navigated this together, but she was fear gripped about my reaction, which I can fully understand. So here we are, a year into this mess, with many visits to the E.R. for sleep deprivation, depression, and medication, all so she could avoid the shame this condition brought to her. My advice? If you have a SO, you need to disclose this. If they care anything for you, they will help, as I am doing so now for my wife.

  22. I’m in recovery from a limerent episode that began 3 years ago when my H and I were too busy for each other and distant. It was someone online, who I cyber-stalked. I idealized this man I never met, who only knew of me because he sold items that could be ordered online. I was curious about him because he seemed so nice in his correspondence- I looked him up on FB and found out he was extremely cute, a little younger than me, but married to a woman who was the exact same age as me (older than him) and they had one child. I went digging and even found out his address. This is horrible but I even looked at his house on Google Maps. Total obsessive crush. In the last year, I have banned myself from looking my extramarital crush- forever! I still have him in my heart and have written sappy poems about how I ‘loved’ him. In reality it was limerence, an idealization. I am working on improving my marriage now. It is a slow recovery.

    1. I JUST found out about limerence today! What a relief. I’m 56 and have had MANY limerent episodes. It’s what made me get BOTH my divorces. I have not had a relationship with a man in 2 years now because I did not know how to stop doing what I was doing. I am so glad now to have found it is a real thing.

  23. I am only 16 years old and have limerence. Its been 5 years. I met my LO in 6th grade. And ever since been so obsessed. Back then i had such intense feelings i mean i still do but i couldnt control it back then so i acted out and scared him away. He thinks of me as his stalker which sucks and its been 5 years and he will never see me differently. Each year i controlled myself around him more but for three years i acted so crazy. I am still overwhelmed around him tho. But its just to great of a feeling to let go of. It gives me a high. And even thinking about him makes me feel good. But it does make me upset because its not reciprocated. And he has a girlfriend now. But even so i still wanna see him. Im still in highschool and still have to see him. No one understand me and my problem. Its too intense and deep i cant control it and my friends thinks its like so stupid and a limerence is a joke. My friends get annoyed with me talking about him but i really need to talk about it. Help.

    1. Nina, I hear you. My LO began when I was 14. We were friends, like brother sister, but I liked him more. I was too shy to initiate a deeper relationship and too young really. So I had to live thru and hear about the girlfriends in his life. Talk about hurt…. but I kept going, hoping that one day he would see me as ‘worthy’. UGH. Well I am 56 years old now… I am still limerent for this person. We ‘catch up’ from time to time. However, the stories he tells are of the women in his life and past life. Now he says he wants to take our relationship to the next level. We’ve never been past 1st base. We are both in 15 year relationships with our SOs. UGH… this is rough. The limerant thoughts are out of control sometimes.. But no, this is not a joke, I’m glad you found people to talk to about it. A lot of ‘friends’ just dont’ get it..

      1. #Doob….I just read this story, and think you are the only person out there in the same situation as me! I’m 53 years old, and have been limerent for the same person since I was 15. I lost contact with them for 26 years in between, but the feelings were still there….then thru the power of Facebook….there they were but only via the occasional facebook message ….and now I’m 3 years into severe limerence and can’t shake it. I finally made an appt with a therapist 3 days from now…

  24. 🙁
    2nd LO in 8 months. First was a lomg standing friend. She cares for me deeply but we decided not to progress to physical. It hurt, invaded everything, I withdrew from marriage further. Latest one is a girl that was meant to be getting married. She got dumped 4 weeks prior. I just had to care and sort out. £8k later. After promises – just lies and empty I love yous…completely obsessed ,.moment of clarity. Hate it. Must take control

  25. [quote name=”Nina”]

    If theres any way we can get in contact please let me know! I have the exact same problem like no joke.

  26. Maya, plenty of help on the main forum and you can also try the contact page, thats where contact details generally are

  27. 9 months and 44 pound lost in limerence . I can’t stop ,, after reading this column a few month ago, it was me in the throes if limerence.. It’s the worst feeling ever. Problem is I want to get out of it but I feel I have to stay in it.. It’s the only thing that keeps me going ,, the hopes that probably won’t materialize etc.. Anyone feel the same?

    1. Hi, I wonder if you have been able to get over your LO? I have had exact symtoms as you describe and actually been led to think that this man is my twin flame, soul connection. It’s sick, and if you try to fight it you kind of get this signs/syncronicities everywhere. In spiritual world, they say that there is no escape, we are forever bonded, but I really can’t live with this the rest of my life. There is “hope” that we are meant to be when I know that we are not compatible, due the age difference, beliefs and other life/personal issues. I have good days and very very bad days. I cling to my “bible”, The Power of Now, in hope to be cured. The worst thing is that telephatic connection that we share that is unexplainable with rational thoughts. I am not sure if I will ever be able to cut this bond. It has been two and a half intense years…Hope it gets better.
      Wish u well.

      1. Hi Mikey, I went to see a psychic about my LO as I also felt there is something spiritual going on. My LO and I have shared a few past lives together. However, my angels advised me (through the psychic) not to confuse Limerance with true love. We are part of the same soul group here to learn relationship skills and empathy. My angels advised lo is not for me in this lifetime. We are learning skills that will prepare us to have a loving relationship in the next life. The psychic did an energetic cord cutting prayer and advised to avoid eye contact with lo in order to protect myself because lo feeds off my attention and likes that he has a hold over me.

        1. Sal,
          That’s so interesting. I am convinced my LO and I are from the same soul group but it is not the right lifetime for us. I am very spiritual though have never pursued reaching out to advisors, etc. Thanks for this info.

          1. [quote name=”Sarah”]Sal,
            That’s so interesting. I am convinced my LO and I are from the same soul group but it is not the right lifetime for us. I am very spiritual though have never pursued reaching out to advisors, etc. Thanks for this info.[/quote]

            More likely wound mates. Soul mates is rare if ever the connection. Its a mirroring of early life wounds

          2. Agreed – the LO embodies my pain and distress. The fantasy is that in relieving his pain, I will cure my own. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.

  28. i am 21 n i have limerence for my best frnd in uni.. i dont know how to deal with it, as much as i try i go more deep in the feeling i am so hurt becz he is not talking to me at all once he was my best frnd n now he is like i dnt even exist i have to see him everyday i am going through hell, for record he once proposed me but i said no we stopped talking for a while but then he became normal again with me but now things are changed again i told him that i am suffering from condition i dnt knw its love or what but i just cant be happy when u r nor around n etc he said its ok take your time i will be here but aftr 2 days when i texted him again he was all changed he didnt respond me well n didnt text me by himself once i was apple of his eye n now m nothing to him i can not live like this i feel like to quit the university i am so weak n tired plz help me tell me a way out from all this situation……..plz asap

  29. I have been in extreme limerence for 2 years and i have been able to get out of it. It felt like i ll die but trust me you wont die of it. You need to find someone who’s there for you always. stop chasing him

  30. I’ve been searching for what is wrong with me. 4 years ago I met a girl. She was straight. But over time I turned her to my side. We had an on off affair I was in a relationship. And I was crazy about her. Like a drug. Then it needed. We work together and are still mates but 4 years later and I can’t stop changing my rota to match hers, going for scheduled breaks with her. Getting jealous at ever boy she talks too, thinking about her 24 /7 I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my life. I thought I was obsessive but I am a rational person that around her becomes irrational. I know I’m not crazy.. Then is stumbled accross -“limerence” it sounds as if it fits my description. I just want to get her out of my head. It’s brought me to the lowest and highest places.

  31. Do not try to be “friends” with the LO. It is simply a rationalization and will not resolve the symptoms, but will rather make them worse. If you work with an LO, that poses a serious problem as the best way to defeat limerent desires is to end any and all contact with the LO and any cues ie. photographs, cell phone number, etc.. Good luck.

  32. I’m in love with me FWB and I told him so a week ago and he told me to find someone else and that he hoped to see me once I was over it (like I had a sickness or something). I miss him terribly and my heart, mind and body yearn to go to him. I need to hug him so bad. But I realize this is pointless and won’t go anywhere and that he doesn’t love me back. It’s just painful and hard. I would really appreciate some help.

  33. I’ve been “in love” for 27 years for the same LO. I am not proud about it because I would like so much to have it finished and to be able to live a reciprocated relationship with somebody (this however happened for two years and went stopped by a resurgence). One aspect which is difficult is that you cannot really talk about it with friends. They see that you’re under heavy stress from time to time and if you talk to the closest ones, they don’t really understand.
    It is said in the article that no life changing decisions have to be taken, but of course in 27 years, it’s impossible. I’ve choosen a late career with the hope of being admired and the half comfort of being far away (Iwork abroad), but I´ve just experienced a period of high tension followed by decompensation and I have decided to leave my job and come back (and I’m quite afraid about it). I’ve been living the last ten years just nowhere suspending my life when I have to face it. I’m coming back . What’ll happen?

  34. 😐 I’m the type of girl to start a new limerence as soon as i find someone new to care about. I honestly hate it. It develops throughout the relationship but amplifies when things are broken off, mainly by my significant other. I believe it’s triggered by loneliness as i start to miss having them around. My latest victim is a friend of mine and we were involved for about two weeks were things got swiftly heated. He broke things off when he’d had enough of me and i haven’t been able to let go since. I even got drunk in front of him and made a fool of myself :sad:. I’ve tried texting and messaging him and he refuses to respond to me. I’ve continually stalked him on social media (yes, unhealthy) but i really want to stop this habit before it gets the best of me. Help me, please i beg.

  35. I was in a mutual destructive limerence relationship with a girl I work with for the last 6 months. It happened to both of us very fast, within 2 days. We are both very jealous of each other and we have both tried to get out of it numerous times but failed. The longest we ever got along is 4 days before having a fight over one thing or another where we end up not speaking. Then always we makeup and the cycle starts all over again.

    She started getting very friendly with another guy at work and one morning she walked in with him after picking him up at his house and giving him a ride. Needless to say this hurt me very badly and she knew it. I broke the connection and she tried many times to makeup. I would not. She now avoids the guy when I am around in an effort reconcile with me but I know the are still seeing each other

    It was just what I needed to finally end this nightmare relationship. .

  36. Just to add to my last post I have had to control myself around this guy while acting business polite to my limerent. This has been very difficult. He now sees me as a rival for her. I hate that she has put me in this position but more than that I hate myself for allowing it to happen.

    I have to see her 5 times a week which makes things even more difficult. Words of advice never, ever get involved in this type of thing at work. If you find it happening don’t walk but run away. You don’t know misery like this and I hope you never make the same mistake as me .You will regret it.

  37. [quote name=”John”]9 months and 44 pound lost in limerence . I can’t stop ,, after reading this column a few month ago, it was me in the throes if limerence.. It’s the worst feeling ever. Problem is I want to get out of it but I feel I have to stay in it.. It’s the only thing that keeps me going ,, the hopes that probably won’t materialize etc.. Anyone feel the same?[/quote]

    Yes. Exactly. Three months and counting… But if I let go, that would mean the slim (nonexistent) chance that G. Might one day relent and tumble into my arms will never come to pass. Of course it won’t either way, but I don’t want o face that. And so I’m exquisitely miserable.

  38. I am in a serious relationship. We live together and share finances and are doing pretty well together. But, I long for a sexual desire that is not being filled. We were at a mall the other day, when this lady was giving me a pedicure (SO sitting right next to me) she was undoubtedly the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen. I love my girlfriend, I really do but there are needs that are just left on the counter. This lady has taken over my entire thought process. I can’t get her out of my head. I have searched infatuation, limerent, all sorts of things but I still want to throw it all away just for this one time feeling. Am I not ready to settle? What the hell is wrong with me?

  39. Long distance and mutually limerant relationship where I have it much worse than him. We are both married and have both ended it numerous numerous times. For the first year it was physical. The subsequent year, I only saw him once per his choice.
    Now I’m just empty, still in love and only his fleeting text messages bring me joy. I hate myself and the situation and want to be out of it so bad. Four days of absence and we run to each other and the cycle begins again.
    We have NOTHING in common and I cannot make sense as to what my attraction is to him. He’s everything and nothing to me all at once. He is my second Limerence relationship and was a rebound from the previous one.

    The thought of him NOT being in my life scared me to death. My fantasy of him far outweighs the reality and yet I still long for him like food, shelter and air. It’s unhealthy and I know the way out but the fear of not having him trumps the good I know will come from him being gone.

  40. Married with 2 gorgeous kids and loving wife but one where I always felt perhaps the “spark” has been missing. Has been 3 women now in 5 or so years who have come into my life. Find myself not present in the relationship at times, sinking deep into depression as I thought of the others. I try general avoidance etc but generally crack after a month or so, looking at Facebook etc which sends me to indescribable lows. I am now trying medication – blockers or something as this could be related to OCD and lack of serotonin. Proud type and of course I hate doing that. I told my wife I have thoughts of others but she doesn’t know the full extent – ie it can cloak every waking moment. I wouldn’t be surprised if she gets sick of it soon, I know I am….tricky thing is knowing how much is limerence covering up from other issues. When is enough enough. Should you be in a relationship where u are not drawn this way. Or should you suck it up for 20 years for the kids…

    1. I’m in the same boat. It’s been awhile since you posted, is this problem resolved?

  41. I am married and have been “in love” with another man for almost two years. My husband is a sweet man, but sometimes lacks ambition and can be a couch potato. But he truly loves me. (This other man, I’m not so sure.)
    When I look into his eyes I feel intoxicated and his friendly hugs weaken me.
    lI cut off contact for a while, and just when I started feeling like my old self, he pulled me back in. I know he has feelings for me too. Emotionally I’ve lost myself. I think about him 24 hours a day. The depression is killing me. I feel lost, wounded, alone. Can’t talk to anybody. Feel like I wanna die. The limerant highs are so great, but the lows are Soooo bad. I feel sick to my stomach. Can’t tell my hubby and can’t afford therapy. I am frightened, and still in the back of my mind think that me and LO can run off into the sunset together one day!? wtf? Crazy!! I hate myself for letting it get to this.

    1. I know the way you are feeling… Currently in low.. Nothing could make me happy except contact with my LO. Would like to exchange thoughts? Possibly help each other out through this?

    2. Hi Dora, your condition as exactly the same as me. Despite of my status is a widow. I wonder what is your life now a days since your posted it around 2 yrs ago?

  42. Am really glad that I finally found an Awesome site with some people that are suffering the same symptoms as I do. I used to be friend with a girl in college. Somehow I felt into limerence and thoses feeling were growing stronger for her. The only problem was that she is a lesbian. she used to posts some things about lesbian on facebook that’s how I knew. We were good friend and that thing was killing me because my limerence was growing stronger. I had some up and down. I even had some suicidal thought. Therefore I stop seeing her and stop going on my facebook. The only problem now is that I got those fantasies about her. It still there and it’s like if I can’t control my thought. Anyway that’s my story.

    1. Facebook has been my enemy with my LO I actually had to delete my account. The weird thing with limerence is that it comes on so rapidly and with the most different people that I couldn’t imagine myself with?? The challenge is what I got obsessed with then the rejection of it was constantly on my mind. I’m normally a very smart decision making person.. I also have a masters degree . Just saying … It can really tear a person apart… Idk I hope my words are helping someone.. It’s good to know we all aren’t alone. I had a LO 2 years ago and the only reason I stopped obsessing about him was because I found another LO to pine over… Wish there were a better way to deal with this..

      1. “…the only reason I stopped obsessing about him was because I found another LO to pine over… Wish there were a better way to deal with this…” I am so scared!!! This is my very 1st limerence and last week I told him to stop before he went on his 4 days vacation. We work in a same group. I am in a worse position than he is in this whole thing as his role makes him much more busier than mine. We both married and this is a mutual limerence. I was hoping I could get over it but it is already difficult… and now I am reading your post… Can you update where you are now? Hope you found a better way out.

  43. I met my LO about 8 years ago when in the midst of a 15 year traumatic marriage. I had never had feelings or even a slight attraction to another during the marriage- but suddenly found my every thought consumed with fantasies. My LO was attracted to me, flirted, even encouraged me to have a sexual encounter- but I couldn’t do it. Proximity took its toll on me mentally and when I moved for work- I thought it would end that I would be free…but it only got more twisted and torchurous inside my head. 2 yrs->we started com thru FB- I revealed my feelings to him. I also told my then husband. My LO promised he shared my feelings and when I left my then husband we would be together. The shame and guilt I felt was so heavy that I felt I had to leave. Long story short- it never happened. My LO abandoned me at the brink of “what if”…The highs and lows of the reciprocation left me shattered. I have since remarried but find myself dreaming and thinking of my LO still to this day.

  44. I am so glad I found the term limerence and this site. I’ve been dealing with these issues for years, going through various “crushes” and never understanding why they seemed to hurt me so much. People I only “crushed” on broke my heart over and over. I tried therapy for codependency, but it didn’t work. The symptoms didn’t seem to match with mine. With limerence, everything FITS. I’ve recently been going through this again, crushing on a male friend. It makes no sense, we’ve been friends for over a year and then maybe a month ago it was just like BAM. I know that it’s ridiculous, because all of a sudden I was “in love” and going through all THOSE symptoms (not hungry, can’t sleep, anxious). FOR NO REASON. And unfortunately, we’re in the same graduate program, so I can’t just get away from him. Hopefully these tips will help, because I feel on the verge of destroying my current relationship for the mere HOPE of something IRRATIONAL.

    1. Welcome Astrid and glad you at last have put a name to your feelings. Lots of like minded souls here that can relate and support you.

  45. SOS HELP I don’t know I have Limerence for real but I would like some input so me and his guy started having sex around 3-4 years ago. Through all this I became very attached we didn’t just ha sex we often had deep convos (I like to think) anyways we are no longer having sex well trying not to we still communicate here and there to have sexy but I aboaultley love him. I would do anything we talked about a relationship before but he said we were to much alike it wouldn’t work. I don’t know if that’s true or he just didn’t like me like that anyways I can’t date anyone I recently left my boyfriend because I couldn’t stop thinking about him and I didn’t wanna cheat on my boyfriend if the opportunity ever came again. I want this habit to be gone.

  46. I have this limerance problem. Its so dumb. He us married and several years older. We work together. Its a big crush. He use to talk more but Noe he avoids me. Probably sensed my weirdness. I think of him a lot. Its quite miserable its like having a cold that won’t go away. I truly believe its a mental disorder caused by something missing in my life 🙁

  47. Thank you so much for this article. I’ve been suffering from episode after episode of limerence for years, only having recently discovered the term, but having avoided situations that put me in a limerent state for a couple of years now. Usually, I’d give in eventually just to feel some semblance of relief from the constant tug-of-war, but this recent bout was “enough is enough.” I realized that, although I’ve been doing well with other personal issues, this was one area yet untouched as I’ve never had a relationship at 23, and something needs to change with my self-esteem and fear of intimacy. It’s really comforting to know there are other people out there riding the same rollercoaster. Good luck to you all.

  48. Jeez. This feels great and terrible all at the same time, great to know others go through this, terrible that I’ve kind of unknowingly been going through it for my whole 45 year life (well, at least since turning 12). My current problem is a little different – I’ve been tenderly but imperfectly married for 22 years, and for about 18 mos have been obsessed with a woman — the mom of my 9-year-old’s best friend. Not easy! I think she likes me in a garden-variety way (“Ben’s dad is such a nice guy!) but I know we won’t be leaving our families to be together or anything. A similar situation 12 years ago with a co-worker almost wrecked my marriage and I had to change jobs – and unfortunately, coming clean with my wife doesn’t seem like an option. I’ve set up little intimacies with her, of course, and am massively sexually attracted to her – it feels more like love than the prior one, but who knows! Hopefully the “3 years” span I read about is legit … only 18 mos to go before recovery?!?!

  49. I have just come across this term it makes earthly sense to this new age terminology called twin flame . I was in a three year relationship that went insanely wrong Co dependant stuff domestic violence and yet I still think of her . I have gone no contact cut off all ties I can’t be in a relationship like this

  50. Thank you so much everyone. After a horrible episode tonight where my LO told me in no uncertain terms that he doesn’t want to see me again, I’m so relieved to be able to relate to all of this. This guy I am absolutely infatuated wit and have been for over a year. He has done awful things and I am so desperate and dependent on him I would nearly accept anything just to be with him. I feel deep shame and anxiety all the time. He has always maintained not wanting a “serious relationship” but yet his actions scream love. When we’re together. I put him on this pedestal and convinced myself he would come around. When he rejectes me I feel utterly heart broken, alone and lost. Completely lost. I now have so much hope xx

  51. I’ve been searching for years to put a name to what I have been feeling. However I’m slightly different in that my LO have been people in the public eye. This last guy I have been infatuated with has lasted for 6 years. I feel like there is no way out. Every time I read something about
    Him I feel suicidal. I don’t know why I can’t just forget him. I often think of suicide and ending it. Do I suffer from limerance? Or am I going through something else. I am 40 now and these infatuations have been happening since I was 10.

  52. So glad to find this, thanks. I guess my Tribe profile on Limeeence forum is gone. I’m in an online love/limerence “relationship” which has been one-sided for several years. I was too shy to communicate much but finally did, then the limerence kicked in overtime. It is quite embarrassing as normal limerence is with a real person face to face. But the longing, the obsessive thoughts, the constant checking online to see if he’s on are all the same. In some ways more intense. Words are quite often more valuable than a personal encounter, as they come from the heart, they speak volumes. Anyway it goes though, limerence is hell. I found this place while searching for another. I took a break today from my wonderful LO. I hope I can last through the night.

  53. Hello. I just learned of the term limerence today. I’ve never been able to put what I’m feeling into words. But this is a about as close as I believe it will get. I’m still not sure if I am limerent I suppose. I don’t fully understand but would love to have someone to talk to me and tell me what they think about my situation. So for a little run down, I’m 18 female senior in high school. Since the end of my freshman year I had been on and off with a boy two years older. Then we finally dated some of my sophomore year and that whole summer following. We were MADLY in love. But he left for college. I was bad without him, and although it has gotten better since then it’s still now okWe have been broken up over a year now. He is still in my head all the time, no more than maybe 5 minutes goes by without thinking of him. Everything reminds me of him. I feel the need to always see social media to know how he is. I do drive bys of his house. Much more. Do you think this is love or limerence?

  54. wow! what a relief to know about this! I thought I was completely crazy! I have been infatuated with this woman my cousin introduced me to on Facebook. I liked her instantly, like way too much. I became obsessed with meeting her in person and have orchestrated 2 trips in 2 years to visit my cousin in another state, just so I could meet this woman (not that she knew she was the focus of my trips). When we met I didn’t connect with her as I’d hoped, (how could she live up to my endless hours of fantasies anyway), but I couldn’t let go of the desire to do so. I obsessively check her Facebook feed and look at pictures of her. She posts a lot of music and other things I like, so it seems natural I’d want to connect with her. We PM occasionally but I compulsively re-read our conversations and worry what I should have said, worry if she can’t tell I like her, wondering if we’re actually connecting, re-living the conversation by re-reading it….

  55. I frequently fantasize about her even though I don’t truly know her that well. I don’t even know what her laugh sounds like, and yet can spend an entire day lost in a reverie about her. It is ridiculous… some days I actually feel impaired by it. And she’s not the first, I realize this has been happening since i was probably 12. I am 46 now….wow!

  56. Never even knew there was a word for this, but it was the reason I looked for a psychiatrist. The first meeting felt like not much was accomplished, but since then, I’ve found out what limerence was and now I have something to hone in on in therapy.

    When I looked back, I realised that Ive been limerent my whole life. I want to get better because I want to be able to find someone that I truly love, but because of my limerence, Im afraid to try anything with anyone. I dont want to lose my mind and in turn lose them.

  57. Recent LO. Never thought about him until he started acting weird, like he really wants me. So it’s the idea of sex with him that has brought on this anxiety. Feeling like I really want it but it’s such a bad idea. I’m in a relationship and he’s a co-worker who I respect. I didn’t attend a work function because I wanted to avoid him and I feel like if he was even half aware, and not in denial, he would recognise my behaviour.
    So in this case the anxiety comes from both really wanting the sex and wanting him to stop this. Also I half expect that he is deliberately doing this to mess with me, but that’s so hateful and unlikely.

  58. I need help. You see I’m not the one that’s limerent. My boyfriend is, and it’s not with me. It’s not sexual and it’s not for love, he wants to be friends with this girl but there’s a huge problem, it’s my best friend, and my cousin. They were friends for a couple months before me and him started dating, but they never had closure when they stopped being friends or at least he didn’t. She doesn’t care about him at all anymore and hasn’t thought about him at all since they stopped talking and me and him started dating 6 years ago. Now more than lately, me and him have been kinda fighting and he’s been upset a lot and come to find out it’s because of her. This makes me feel inferior and terrible like I’m not good enough because I’m dating someone that has intrusive thoughts of someone else that makes him upset. I should be his limerent object.

  59. My question is….If it feels so wonderful to be in and other person wants the relationship with you why not? And if contact with the other person fuels your limerence it sounds like you will be in love forever. (I am coming from the other side. My spouse is in limerence with a co-worker and this is what I am dealing with. I will be filing for divorce soon because I have been on this rollercoaster for a year and I’m done)

  60. Thank you so much for this article, you have helped change my life. I read and re-read your article multiple times. I didn’t realize that there are support groups out there (SLAA). My city has a few meetings; I am planning on joining one.

  61. Hi guys I have experienced limerence before and it slowly starved because the LO transferred job locations. Now I have identified limerent feelings that are taking shape with someone else but my wife is helping me through it, I also had to tell her asap before things manifested itself. I hope you all find a inner place of peace in mind. I definitely do have the addiction for that dopamine hit though.

  62. Like many of you…I am just figuring out that I may be in limerence with a couple worker. I am married and he is in a long term relationship…engaged, I believe. Worked together for 2 years now….over this past summer started flirting heavily via i.m. and then texting. Sent each other pictures and eventually videos until we finally arranged to meet up. We have had 3 encounters in September, November and finally December. While I know I don’t have actual feelings for him…I just cannot get him out of my mind. I am almost positive that I only like him for physical reasons…I certainly don’t want to be with him..and I dont want to leave my husband. I just want him to want me as badly as I want him.. I am desperately trying to stop texting him but it’s so hard. I have no one to talk to a out this in real life so it feels good to get it off my chest. I know everything about this is wrong….but I cannot help it

  63. I’m not sure how I even got into this mess . Was happily married and in love for over 10 years . Last 4 months I have fallen in “love” so what I believed 3 times until I discovered limerene. There is no solution to it but to bear the heart ache . I know I’m hurt and I know I’m hurting my husband too by keeping him in the dark . I have no clue how to get out of it and no amount of reading about it or forums are helping me . I’ve also tried counselling and I have dear friends to talk to ..but heart pain , restlessness , loss of appetite and sleep is overwhelming. I wish there was a cure but there ain’t. It’s like I’m on the look out for true passionate love which does not exist.

  64. I’ve just come across the term Limerence and its exactly whats happening to me for 15 months. It’s with a colleague who I initially was not drawn to, but she became very flirtatious wearing revealing clothing even though she knows that I’m married and she has a longterm partner..I started to fantasize/dream about her and I got the sense she knew this and enjoyed it demonstrating some narcissist qualities. We worked in an office together & it was very intimate so I decided to leave the office first opportunity I got, she reacted badly to this & in one act was very forward coming onto me but still waited for me to make the 1st move, which thankfully I did not. I withdrew from her but once again we were moved into the same office this time with more people & I thought things had improved but we still have to work together on projects & she still haunts my thoughts which (not as much as previous) is driving me mad, plus I do still sexually fantatize about her, what should I do

  65. Having read this great article I realise that limerance is what I’ve been (and still am) suffering from, and it’s like constant torture. The overthinking, obsessive, analysing thoughts, playing over in my head like a stuck record – it’s exhausting and debilitating:( Wanting someone who I know i can’t have and who has no idea how I feel, is just plain horrible. It seems more common than I thought though, so glad I’m not alone.

  66. Entered a limerent state about 4 years ago after becoming semi retired.It is torture. Writing this in the wee hours because I can’tell sleep. Worried that I’may too old to recover, that I don’the have that much life left. Also feel ashamed of my emotions.

  67. Today I feel like my life is going to finally change. I can finally give a name to all of this! I have been suffering of limerence since I can remember. I go from one LO to the next one, and I know each time when this is about to happen. I usually try to walk away from these situations, but sometimes it is just to difficult. Now it’s happening again with my flatmate and I struggle more and more every day. I am moving out the flat in a couple of months. But this time I need to go to the bottom of the problem. Thank you David for creating this website. And thank you to everyone for sharing their pain.

  68. Hi, after the strongest ever limerence fuelled roller coaster in February, I started doing some research and found this site, which is of great help. I would like to share that in a ted talk from Helen Fischer (easily googled) she describes the three systems in the brain that govern our search for partners: attachment, love (romantic love, limerence) and sex drive (lust). These can be aligned or misaligned… so we can love more than one person at once. However, this helped but did not fix me. I partially transformed my feelings for my LO (co-worker) to other women, but it is not a quick process. My objective is to fully transfer the feelings to someone else, that I don’t need to see often.

  69. Is it love or limerence?
    I met someone 30yrs ago when I was 18 and still a virgin. He was much older and we hung out for a couple years until I move away to transfer to another college. He got
    married then divorced & contacted me 10yrs later. I lived in another state and was two years into my own marriage
    We became friendly fast, and I had to stop seeing/ contacting him. 20yrs later I am friends with his sibling and was told he was sick, all these feelings came up and
    we have been in contact again. He has feelings for me and I have had limerant feelings for him for over a year now. Hopefully I can get another 20 year reprieve in the near future since we are both married with families. Any comments are welcome….

  70. I start experiencing recurrent seizures with intensified anxiety and panic attacks around early 2016. MRI and EEG normal so its not really possible for it to be epilepsy. I have been reading stuff on mental illness just to know what havoc i am in. Limerence really fits my description. All these chaos starts showing up when i am deeply in love in my LO and its obviously unrequited. I have obsessive thoughts of him and it create great amount of stress.

  71. So, just today I realized how bad it was, I have intense feelings for my friend,I think he likes me but he is invading my thoughts all the time. It is impacting my workperformance. All though I try to avoid all social media of him, I still chat with him every other day and we share basically all the same hobbies… Which makes it really hard to control my thoughts. My really shitty strategy is to fall in love with as many I can so I can remain the funny chill good friend. I really want to kill off these feelings, I have had limberance for my friend for over two years. And I have a longterm relationship for 8,5 years… I really want to feel well enough to propose, but my very intrusive feelings for my friend keeps me from it. My boyfriend knows nothing, it feels like I am cheating, although I have never done anything. Please help me!

  72. I’ve been stuck in a limerence nightmare for 19 months now. I’ve known I had a crush on a work colleague for the 10 years we have worked together but 19 months ago on a drunken night out I disclosed this to her. At first it felt like a relief but as we got closer the limerence grew and it has completely consumed my life. She is married and I’m in a long-term relationship with young children but have never been in a romantic relationship with my partner. I know non-contact is the answer but it is just not possible and I see her every day, as does my partner who works with me and is good friends with my LO! I’ve recently started taking anti-depressants which have helped me control my obsessive thinking to an extent but I still feel constantly sad and can’t shake the feelings of desire every time I see her. I know nothing will ever come of it but my irrational brain just won’t give up the ghost. I can see it all ending badly and fear I will lose her as a friend which will devastate me.

  73. Wow, I came across this Word, ¨limerance¨ as I was trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me in connection with this guy who is not my SO. I have been suffering from insomnia for some nights and the thought of this guy is becoming so intrusive, I am thinking about him most of the time, daydreaming about him. I cannot focus on my studies I feel like trapped in a hormonal state most of the time. The thing is that this guy also has a SO and sort of started showing signs that maybe he likes me. I wasni’t quite sure of this, only had a hunch by the way he looks at me, but then some days ago I sent him a msg through fb due to a profesional issue that involves us, and then he went to my profile picture and ¨liked it¨, then the other day he sent me msg out of the blue, and I became sort of too carried away thinking he likes me so I cannot stop thinking about him. On the one hand it is a sort of nightmare but on the other hand I feel sort of euphoric, alive, filled with passion.

  74. I’ve been feeling limerent for three years now over someone I currently work with. When he quit and left it took me a long time to let go. Now he is back at work again with me and I have to see him everyday and it’s so hard. I don’t know what to do

  75. I think my husband is in this situation right now we have been married for 26 and suddenly told me he fell in love with this woman that he knew for 3 months and then they start dating He moved out and leaving with her right now. He didn’t want to fix our marriage and wanted divorce so we did filed divorce just recently. I don’t know what to do I love my husband and he is a great dad He comes to our house everyday to visit my children I could see and feel that he is confused of what he is doing Our divorce is still in process.. His relationship with this woman is about 11 mos , When I start readings this site I’m sure that this is limerence.

    1. Bella, yes likely to be limerence. Challenge is when we are in the throes of limerence, its hard to be told this. We think and feel we have met the magical other. I do feel for you.

  76. My lo is a coworker at my new job. I didn’t see him coming. He just sat down across from me next to another co-worker I was talking to and we three made small talk about work. He touched my hand first then the other coworker and he got up and walked away. I saw his backside and knew i was in trouble. He and i are both married with children. I think of him everyday. I painted a profile of what i think is him and has shared it with him. I painted it 17 years ago! He and i are highly attracted to eachother. I now know i am in limerence. Imy husband knows something is going on with me but i can’t tell him. The summer off from work has helped me put my lo aside when we return back to work i may see him again. No date, sex just a strange type of courtship with conversation when its ok.

  77. I am 17 years older than my lo! After reading about this monkey on my back (limerence) and the 18 stages of love makes me feel like i have sinned. We have only talked. I have had intense fantasies about him and he has reciprocated a few times. I know the grass is not greener on the other side (maybe it is). I have experienced this thing throughout my entire life and i think i am really tired of it though it can be exciting. I have noticed it is not as rewarding as being married even with it ups and downs. I have history with my husband. I think i am a hopeless romantic. Bc823

  78. After years of unhealthy LO obsessions through my teens and twenties, I got into recovery and have spent 18 very happy years in a healthy relationship – with stable work situation, two lovely kids, the works. Did things get too good? I just had a hard-worked-for success and an old toxic LO obsession re-emerged in full force. Do you think guilt can be a trigger? Guilt of being too happy or lucky? My LO was very damaged and I abandoned him to go into recovery years ago.

  79. I’m married for 22 years and I’ve been in limerence with a lover for 8 years. Is that really limerence because of this period of time?

  80. It all started with a transaction with a cute cashier. I pictured us making out for some reason and that is when it all started. Here I am 6 months later, STILL obsessed. I go into the store pretending to need stuff just to see him. I am married and have two kids. I have zero chance with this guy, and I’m not breaking up my marriage over this. This guy is all I think about though. I see strangers at the mall and picture them in that moment as him. I go around my house pointing out the things he sold to me, as if they are some cherished object. This is becoming painful. I want him so bad, but can’t have him. I will never have him, but can’t stop thinking about him. Please someone, tell me how I can stop. This is ruining my life. I’m wasting so much gas, time, and money just to see him and I always leave hurt because he doesn’t even notice me. Please. I want this to stop. I keep saying I won’t go back into the store, but I always do.

    1. Since others are out here reading, I just wanted to share a tiny update. Well, as of today I have not entered the store since October 17th, for a silly reason with my appearance. It helped me stop going into the store, and on December 17th, it will be two months. I have not stopped thinking about him, at all though. I am still obsessed, and I still drive by the store any chance I get, so I HAVE seen him a few times on his break, and still have strong feelings. I guess the only positive about this update is that I haven’t been spending money on things I don’t need in the store…..

      1. Another update: well, he no longer works at the store. I discovered this while making my trips to see him. He is never there anymore and they have hired new cashiers. It’s pretty obvious that he is gone. I’ll never see him again possivly. I don’t know whether to be a bit happy or sad. My trips were less frequent but once I started going back into the store, I started wasting money, gas, and time again, just to end up disappointed. I do think about him less, but he is still on my mind. I know this is stupid as hell since I am married and never had anything with this guy, but he will always have a place in my heart. I’m going to miss seeing him

  81. It started with an interaction in my workplace. My limerent was a handsome young man. His needs were certainly different from me. I was obsessed by him at my workplace so I changed the job. But I ended up stalking him all the time. I was looking at his social networkings feeling sad over the other women he used to talk to. Today I came across this article I have decided to stop using social networking for sometime till it helps and I overcome this.

  82. My lo is my married boss who I think is a narcissist. He did many things to encourage my feelings. That is what is making my situation hard. I have quit that job but the thoughts of him are still there. Just talking to my ex coworkers has messed me up again. I wish the feelings would just go away. I know he is not a good person. He is married with kids yet encouraged me and I have seen him doing the same with any attractive woman that is near him.

  83. Hi – I just found this and I’m struggling right now! I must have been in limerence for nearly 3 years and I have no idea how to crack this, I fell into an affair that I feel so guilty about and we thought we were in love. He tried to leave his wife recently and just couldn’t do it as he was leaving, guilt got him. I feel so awful for so many reasons, I can’t find a way to let him go and I’m sure he is the same but fighting it better than me – but he wants his life back to normal and so is fighting hard. I am trying but day by day for me right now!

  84. I want to point out that SSRI’s can minimize limerence AND they can also dampen any love you may still feel for your family.

    “The chemical relationships are much more complicated than this, but some SSRIs in some people seem to adversely affect the dopamine system, and romantic love gets squashed,” she says. “I’ve gotten a good deal of mail from people who’ve said they were in a nice short or long romance or marriage with someone that was going perfectly well, and this person started taking SSRIs, and it not only killed their sex drive, but it also killed their feelings of intense romantic love for their partners. I’ve even had a letter from a doctor in Texas who was prescribed an SSRI and began to realize that he wasn’t loving his wife anymore, and he said he’d rather face major depression than lose his feelings for her.”

    Helen Fisher, Ph.D.

    So whenever possible, avoid the LO in lieu of medication.

  85. Glad I found this site. My situation seems a little different than most. I have a generally happy marriage (not perfect but whose ever is?) and 2 great daughters. Over our 18 year marriage I have never been unfaithful to my wife, that is until something happened 3 weeks ago. I met a friend of a friend at a function (wife was not present) and we hit it off quite immediately. An alcohol-fuelled post-function session almost resulted in me cheating. To this day I am not 100% sure what stopped what was a real possibility of happening that night or even if I might have gone through with it. Suffice to say I am a mess and cannot stop thinking of that night and of the woman involved. I feel stuck as I neither want to contact the LO nor feel that I can discuss this with my wife (she would rightly see this as betrayal, notwithstanding that I’ve not taken this path before, nor intend on going so again).

  86. Ok so I saw him in my physics class and fell fr him..Its been 20 years…I dream about him daily..its like a habit now…Coz I am sure I love my husband of 10 years. He is the stable presense in my life.But I am always thinking what h wd hv done in this situation or I will meet him suddenly on a plane and idiotic things like that..Its defintely limeence…gosh how time flies..20 years and i hv wasted so much time in these 20 years just daydreaming abt this man…Such a royal waste of time,resources…


  88. 62-yr.old male,11yrs.into marriage#2,wife’s 31-yr.old niece visited briefly,and -WHAM!-was instantly hooked by her.Have not gone beyond being older friend to her-she’s still at home,uncaring father,difficult brother,etc.,feel like rescuing her from this.Told my wife,she’s partly amused,mostly annoyed by it,girl lost older stepbrother who was more like a father figure-and I never had kids,but would have liked a daughter…haven’t felt like this since marriage#1 ended,1988,but this site with others on it has helped,too much to lose if SO did not reciprocate.

  89. Hi, I am so glad i found this site. I have been really struggling to get over my ex. It has been over a year now. I literally think I’m obsessed and I get so overwhelmed (upset) when she doesn’t reciprocate the irrational feelings I have. Shes blocked me from social media now because of how crazy I’ve been acting. I recently found out (through online stalking) that she is seeing someone new now and I literally lost it. Embarrassing texts etc. I have even been having weird harmful thoughts. I just need to figure out how to stop this and get back to being myself. I don’t want to act crazy and think about her constantly.

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