My experience of disclosure is it does not release us from the agony, but i like the concept of radical honesty. Trouble is, radical honesty only works well when both sides are conscious of their own shadow so there are no games being played.
Games brings to mind the drama triangle of victim, persecutor and rescuer. Best place is off the triangle. Our LO’s likely being high on the narcissism scale, are adept at game playing.
When i disclosed first time around to LO, 2 weeks into limerence i was so unconscious of my own shadow, my own manipulation and how even at that time i was playing out the rescuer as LO played the victim. 4 years on and after much self development im in a better place I can tell LO from a more conscious place as to how i feel.
I’ve given up playing games – im just telling her how I feel and am not seeking anything in return. As LO still remains pretty unconscious in this area, shes has now switched to the persecutor. As i see the game its easy for me to step off the drama triangle and not to play out the victim.
So there we go, I can now stand and watch LO’s tantrums and this allows me to practice compassion. Sounds simple, when we get it, it is, its just the getting it takes so damn long.
Anyhow, id be interested to read of other experiences of disclosure and how it helped.