david.perlWhen i first joined tribe.net 2.5 years ago, I was in the early stages of my limerence and felt a huge amount of shame around developing crazy feelings for a woman I had met only twice and spoken to for no more than 20 minutes. Something told me this was abnormal as i knew nothing about her. I knew intellectually it was projection but my heart (or limerbrain) wanted to tell me something else.
Ive often heard it said that ALL our feelings are acceptable, its what we do with them that matters. Its the acting out of these feelings that is often the problem. I did “act out” as I could not contain my feelings and told LO I had a crush on her just 2 weeks in. That was the first of a number of disclosures. Perhaps at some more unconscious level I was seeking some form of reciprocation.
3 years on all I can say is thank goodness she didn’t reciprocate and lead me on. Now that i’ve moved on, I can see the limerence for what it was. It was as much a spiritual breakdown and a mid life crisis. LO was just the catalyst, right place right time, or wrong place wrong time depending on your perspective.
When setting up my account here, i thought long and hard about remaining anonymous and decided not to. The only thing that would hold be back was feeling shame over developing limerent feelings that were at conflict with being married and the judgemental rigid Judeo – Christian beliefs I was raised with.
It got me thinking more about shame and how debilitating and toxic an emotion it is. I was raised in a very shaming family and im sure thats where my feelings originates along with my harsh “inner critic” . Letting go of these behaviours has been a challenge in itself and just one more of the many lessons from my limerence.
Whats your experience of shame?
