david.perlHere is a list of books that we found useful when dealing with our limerence:
Relationships, love and limerence:
Love and Limerence – Dorothy Tenov – has to be top of the list for any limerent
Love and Limerence: Harness the Limbicbrain – Dr Lynn Willmott – an updated version of Tenov’s book
Hold me Tight – Sue Johnson
Intimacy and Desire – Dr. David Schnarch
Awaken the passion in your relationship Passionate Marriage – keeping love and intimacy alive in committed relationships Dr. David Schnarch
Addiction to Love, The Art of Changing, Where Love Abides, and Recovery Workbook for Love Addicts and Love Avoidants: Introducing the Ambivalent Love Addict, all by Susan Peabody
Obsessive love – when it hurts too much too let go – Susan Forward
I love you but im not in love with you – Andrew Marshall
Getting the love you want – Harville Hendrix
The book of love – David Delvin the Art of Love -Erich Frohm
The concious heart – Kathlyn and Guy hendrix
Radical honesty and radical parenting – Brad Blanton
Mating in captivity – sex, lies and domestic bliss – Esther Perel
The Erotic mind 5 steps to romantic love – Jack Morin,
Fall in love, stay in love – Willard Harley
Surviving an affair, Willard Harley
Love busters – Willard Harley
Effective Marriage Counselling – Willard Harley
When your sex drives don’t match – Sandra Pertot
His needs, Her needs -Willard Harley
A general theory of love – Thomas Lewis
The Eden Project – in search of the magical others – James Hollis
Confusing love with obsession – John Moore
Falling in love – why we choose the lovers we choose
The 5 love languages Gary Chapman
Not just friends – Shirley Glass
Woman who love too much – Robin Norwood
The fantasy bond – Robert Firestone
Misc Books
Boundaries and relationships – Charles Whitfield
Narcicism – Denial of the true self – Alexander Lowen
Creating the capacity for attachment – treating addictions and the alienated self-
Games people play – Eric Behrne
Toxic parents – Susan Forward
Homecoming -the inner child – John Bradshaw
Adult children – the secrets of dysfunctional families – John Friel
The Willpower Instinct – Kelly McGonigal
The Power of Habit – Charles Duhigg
Co-dependency
Facing co-dependence What it is, where it comes from, how it sabotages our lives – Pia Melody
Love addiction – Pia Mellody
Co-dependent no more – Melody Beatie
Choices – Melody Beatie
The intimacy factor – Pia melody
Mid-life crises
The Middle passage, from misery to meaning in midlife – James Hollis
Books for men
Crossing the Soul’s River, A rite of passage for men – William Roberts
Iron John – John Blye
Absent fathers, lost sons – Guy Corneau
The Flying boy – Healing the wounded man – John Lee
The married man’s sex life primer – Athol Kay
Books for women
Running with wolves
I bought the Tenov book which I will be getting in the post on Monday as it seems to be the “gold standard”. 🙂 Impossible to go no contact with LO since he sits right opposite me at work. Wish me good luck… 😛
My girlfriend has LO and is going through a very rough time trying to deal with it on her own. She doesn’t know who to talk to or how to live with it and I am afraid for her. Does anyone know of a way she can talk to someone who does have and them help her on how to live with it?
Hi Amanda
This site is excellent. Perhaps she needs to see a social worker or therapist. Preferably someone who knows limerence, or love addiction, or childhood trauma .
She sounds despondent, so getting an appointment and taking her to the therapist is better than letting her do it. Distraction is good. It won’t eliminate her pain or incessant thoughts but replaces them. Get her out in nature as much as you can. Get her to exercise. Take her out more. Hopefully as time passes, her pain will subside.
To this list of great books, I would add another one that merits a careful read: Why We Pick the Mates We Do by Anne Teachworth. It’s a very worthy and insightful read by a trained Gestalt Therapist.