Things are changing

[fup]

So LO and I talked a few days ago. Not about anything deep or meaningful. We just ended up alone at the office and randomly talked hanging out like we used to. He proposed that we do something together over the summer like we did last year. I just said “sure, if that’s something you would like to do” assuming that it is not going to happen. I honestly didn’t really think that we were still in a place where that would be an option since I’ve been taking so much distance and feeling like he did too. And since he is not the planing type and I know that I am not going to pull the strings to make it happen, I just took it as a much needed sign that things are ok between us and the tension is finally going away.

Today he told me he was hurt by something I said and that he was going to contact me about finding a date during the summer for us to hang out.

It definitely stings that I hurt him. I honestly thought that he didn’t care about me anymore. And this whole thing is a lot, but it’s definitely giving me some closure.
I’d never disclose but maybe we need to talk a bit about our relationship. I’m not sure… If I hurt him I just don’t quite get why he would want to spend time with me.

[marko]

You talk and share some time. It may not mean so much for them, but since they are in your space they find something there. Just as you can sense an interest, so do they. The may have more clarity and know the limits, but everyone wants to be wanted. Of all the people you come across, you make some connection with this person. They also maybe can't imagine this place, where they are being obsessed over. I know a few who seemed obsessed with me over the years. I was kind as I didn't want to hurt them. Were they in this world, did they obsess--I don't know. I was happy when they left me alone as they also didn't have that whatever it is . This mental debate over what they are up to is so tough as we fight ourselves and them.

[fup]

You talk and share some time. It may not mean so much for them, but since they are in your space they find something there. Just as you can sense an interest, so do they. The may have more clarity and know the limits, but everyone wants to be wanted. Of all the people you come across, you make some connection with this person. They also maybe can't imagine this place, where they are being obsessed over. I know a few who seemed obsessed with me over the years. I was kind as I didn't want to hurt them. Were they in this world, did they obsess--I don't know. I was happy when they left me alone as they also didn't have that whatever it is . This mental debate over what they are up to is so tough as we fight ourselves and them.

Thanks. I’m just trying to go with the flow here. It’s not easy and there’s definitely some ups and downs. But the rollercoaster is not as bumpy as it used to be.

I’m saying to myself: How would I interact with this person if I wasn’t limerent? I’d probably explain that I’ve been quite confused about our relationship whether we were friends or not. And that I was under the impression that his lover, who I’ve now straighten things out with, did not like me around. And this I’ve been trying to respect. That I like him but find it difficult to be personally close with someone I work with. And that I’ve been unsure whether he still cared about me or just also have been confused and unsure because of everything else going on.

I think those reasons for why I’ve been distancing myself for a while are valid and would make sense to an outsider not familiar with limerence. And since I can’t hold anyone accountable for my LE, it should be relatively safe to explain myself this way and say, that I’m still unsure of how I’d like the nature of our relationship to be going forward.

[marko]

Good steps. I think we can kind of talk our way out a bit and finally get a bit more rational in the right direction. I hate this part as well because you are letting go, but you still like the person.

[fup]

Good steps. I think we can kind of talk our way out a bit and finally get a bit more rational in the right direction. I hate this part as well because you are letting go, but you still like the person.

This part I hate too. And usually it’s what get me most depressed. I think it’s the paradox that gets me. In order to connect with people you have to step back and distancing yourself

[fup]

A few days ago I talked to the other coworker that LO was dating. She told me that she broke up with him a few weeks ago. So now it makes total sense that LO is initiating contact with me again. I’m not sure if this is because he’s a jerk who only wants to be friends when he’s bored. Or if he was also sensing that his girlfriend was not happy about our friendship and has been distancing himself in respect of her. The latter I can sympathize with.

So over all I’m still not sure if I’m interested in trying to rekindle the friendship. But I’m actually feeling good about everything at the moment. I like that we’re in a place now that feels somewhat normal. I like that it doesn’t feel completely off limit for us to hang out. And I like that we can just talk casually at work again in a way that LO seems to enjoy too. My mind has finally found peace. Hopefully it will last long enough for the LE to blow over enough for me to not risk any relapses if something happens.

[L-F]

I don't like the sound of your workplace where people casually get together and break it off. Doesn't make for a pleasant workplace if there's tension in the air, not to mention very unprofessional.

But nought to do with you. I always say stress less and enjoy what you can when you can because life is short. Sounds like you've got a grasp on things. Awesome stuff fup

[fup]

I don't like the sound of your workplace where people casually get together and break it off. Doesn't make for a pleasant workplace if there's tension in the air, not to mention very unprofessional.

No this part I don’t like as well. We’re a small team so any unprofessional behavior easily affects us all. And my boss has definitely not been handling it. I did actually thought about filing some type of complaint at one point where it was really bad and I couldn’t talk to LO about work projects without his girlfriend crying. But I don’t think my boss would have done anything about it. I know some of the others in my team tried to address the problem to our boss. Also I figured that part of why I was so affected by the situation was because I’ve been unprofessional myself for starting a friendship with LO in our personal life. Still I feel like my behavior at work has always been professional.

[fup]

I’m still doing a lot better and I feel like LO and I are turning back to normal. Maybe Lo’s lover was a blessing in disguise that forced some distance between us until I was able to get this LE under control. At least that’s how I feel about things atm. The good vibes that are currently in the air with LO is making my fantasies come alive again. But this time it’s easy to separate from reality. I’m definitely liking how things are going right now. Just positive vibes at work and still the opportunity open for us to hang out in private and rekindle the friendship. I still don’t know if I want LO back in my private life. So I’m definitely not going to initiate anything. But I’m feeling confident that I can handle it if LO initiates something.

[fup]

I’m still doing well but I’m starting to feel the urge to talk to LO about how it felt for me to be caught in the middle between him and his lover. The closure I got from talking to her a few months back was such a relief. So I can’t help but wonder if getting a few things off my mind with him would help me as well. I would never disclose. I just want to tell him that I have been sad about our friendship, confused about if it ended because of me taking distance or because of him. But mostly I feel like telling him that it has been hell for me to be trapped in the middle of their relationship.
For the last few months I’ve just been thinking that what is supposed to happen will happen. And that when the time is right I will get the chance to speak my mind. But it’s not going to happen on LO’s initiative. He keeps saying that he’ll reach out, but doesn’t do it. I know it’s probably because he’s depressed. I’m just wondering if it’s even worth to try and get some things off my chest before letting go for good.

Any thoughts?