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Attachment Styles

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Attachment Styles

Post by Zsababy »

So I took this online quiz... (I know, I know lol) and it said I had a Secure Attachment style. I thought for sure I'd have something like anxious or whatever. (I think years ago, I would have).

So if I have a secure attachment style, why do I obsess on unavailable people? It did say I have a tendency toward unfulfilling relationships; I do play it safe as passion (or whatever intensity I feel) always steers me into hurt. Perhaps it's all about meeting unmet needs. I don't know how to solve it; I can't change who my partner is & 13 years has been stabilizing for me.

Do any of you guys know what attachment style you have? Does it ring true for you?
Pattihopeful
Posts: 810
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Attachment Styles

Post by Pattihopeful »

Just did both and am anxious on the two tests I took and the description sounds so much like me. I wonder if with therapy and working on ourselves if these can change? Or do the styles change depending on what’s happening in our lives? Very interesting.
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5665
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Attachment Styles

Post by JupiterTaco »

I'm pretty sure they can change. Avoidant here.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Attachment Styles

Post by L-F »

Fluid avoidant here. Depends on who im trying to avoid 🤣

Didn't see any links, which test is this?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Attachment Styles

Post by Zsababy »

Pattihopeful wrote: Thu Mar 30, 2023 3:20 am Just did both and am anxious on the two tests I took and the description sounds so much like me. I wonder if with therapy and working on ourselves if these can change? Or do the styles change depending on what’s happening in our lives? Very interesting.
I'm almost positive they can change. If you knew me in my 20s, I was avoidant & had no trust in men. If you knew me in my 30s, I was clingy, paranoid & jealous, definitely anxious. Of course with me, some of it is meds but sometimes I think it's having positive experience that restores your faith in others.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Attachment Styles

Post by Zsababy »

Here is one quiz:
https://attachment.personaldevelopments ... pQEALw_wcB

Interestingly, this one said I'm fearful avoidant. I think that's how I am outside of this relationship, underneath it all but that my current relationship makes me feel secure
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Attachment Styles

Post by Zsababy »

There's this one:
https://www.attachmentproject.com/

This one said I'm secure, too. That's 3 out 4 secure.
HelpWithGOLO
Posts: 94
Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2023 10:06 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Attachment Styles

Post by HelpWithGOLO »

Mine said I am "anxious preoccupied - you may abandon yourself to avoid being left by others". It goes on to say that for me, relationships can bring up fears around abandonment and ending up alone. Rather than focusing on whether others meet my needs, I tend to people please to avoid being left behind. Also mentioned that I am probably highly empathic and can form deep connections with others. But sometime my need for closeness and insecurities can cause me to give too much and feel like I'm not enough. Or causes my worst fears to come true and push people away, sending me into panic.
Yeah, that sounds about right. :(
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: Attachment Styles

Post by Zsababy »

HelpWithGOLO wrote: Thu Mar 30, 2023 1:21 pm Mine said I am "anxious preoccupied - you may abandon yourself to avoid being left by others". It goes on to say that for me, relationships can bring up fears around abandonment and ending up alone. Rather than focusing on whether others meet my needs, I tend to people please to avoid being left behind. Also mentioned that I am probably highly empathic and can form deep connections with others. But sometime my need for closeness and insecurities can cause me to give too much and feel like I'm not enough. Or causes my worst fears to come true and push people away, sending me into panic.
Yeah, that sounds about right. :(
Which test was this- do you have a link? This sounds more thorough.
HelpWithGOLO
Posts: 94
Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2023 10:06 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Attachment Styles

Post by HelpWithGOLO »

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