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Fired Therapist

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
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L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

And I... have to be careful not to project my stuff as well. Yet. I can't help but see the similarities. So I'll respond from where I am given my experience.
Asha999 wrote: Thu May 18, 2023 10:47 pm Ok so what prevented you from just enjoying it. Like could you have? And what would have that required? Would awareness of limerence been enough to stifle it and enjoy the ride?
1. The obsessive component
2. Yes, I'm sure I could have had I handle on it because there were moments I did enjoy it.
3. Awareness
4. Yes
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

Well I would concur the obsessive component=no fun. There are high school crush like obsessions and then there are the anxiety riddled sick to your stomach variety… I guess I’m testing out if I can keep it in the former category.

I’ve had fully 4 therapy sessions this week (wohoo feel amazing) because I had a 1:1 with our marriage counselor and a sports psychologist for training. My new therapists tells me that people who are avoidant or experienced emotional neglect as kids often perceive normal levels of emotion as disregulation. I’m thinking there’s some truth to that but also that if you keep your emotions in check and are being flooded suddenly by extremely powerful ones (infatuation and fear) that anxiety about your ability to control those emotions is probably a natural offshoot. And that makes everything worse and more out of control… or that was my experience. It made the fear and desperation and sadness way more intense because I couldn’t shut any of it off and was trembling from all of it.

So if this thread is a representative sample female bisexual dances have some astronomical odds of provoking limerence and the situation accounts for some massive number of LE. And because I’m on a therapy bender I’d guess that shame is at the root of emotional tornado? I’m a very love is love person but it’s s big thing to digest suddenly, esp with children. But more then that I think is fear and shame that I’m misinterpreting LO’s actions and words… that this is what normal friendly female friendships sometimes look like or that she’s just innocently but flirting doing her job and I’m such an emotionally stunted human I responded like freak to that. That is my previous LE talking… where I really believed this person loved me (he sent me handwritten letters, we flew back and forth for visits, talked all night) and in the end he ditched me to sleep with my best friend after I moved across the country because I was never more than a friend, apparently with benefits. In any case I think the challenge in trying to read (or at least not misread) the tea leaves in a non-out same sex relationship, particularly involving women where things are more layered with emotion and nuanced but also affectionate, probably is some heady fuel for limerence. And even if you are ok with fluid sexuality… like it would be a trauma all on it’s own to fall for someone who rejected you when you misinterpreted their signals, particularly if it’s you’re first go round there.
L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

You are extremely quick to process things so you'll no longer be limerent before you know it, if you aren't already out the other side. I intellectualized and/or rationalized my situation for a long time. LO was spot on. I had to learn to feel, and find a way to express my emotions. I found a safe way to express rage years ago which helped my situation. Since then I've not been afraid to feel, nor express myself.

Proud of your progress Asha! Keep us updated and hope you never hear from crazy T. Also hope you find a way to enjoy the crazy f/f connection you both share. There's a delicious innocence in that, something I didnt allow myself to savor. So glad people aren't coming at you saying LO is a narcissist lol
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

L-F wrote: Sat May 20, 2023 9:42 pm Proud of your progress Asha! Keep us updated and hope you never hear from crazy T. Also hope you find a way to enjoy the crazy f/f connection you both share. There's a delicious innocence in that, something I didnt allow myself to savor. So glad people aren't coming at you saying LO is a narcissist lol
Well L-F I considered your words and wondered if the awareness and “work” to get to this point were enough to allow me to savor the moment. Won a major event last weekend and came into this weeks flying high on confidence and joy. Well guess who vibes with that. By weeks end there had been a lot of discussion of summer plans between me and LO, an excruciating session at the marriage counselor and by end of week LO and I are planning a summer trip with our mutual friends/teammates. Ummm yeah. Still approaching with if it’s meant to be it will be mindset and trying to just enjoy the vibe without too much fantasy or projection. Trying. Life is good. Ending my marriage will destroy that balance, but wow. And trying to make life altering decisions without reference to LO.
L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

"Sometimes in life we need to sit with things for a minute, maybe on the fringe of things, not only to savor the wealth of the moment, but take a moment to figure out how to respectfully engage it."
Craig D. Lounsbrough
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

"Let's look at the bright side of life, even if love has only been a long shot and become evanescent, it may still inspire us if we have the gift to savor the fragrance of the treasured moments of togetherness from memorable times that furtively slipped away."
Erik Pevernagie
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

"I cannot say that having an intense life filled with accomplishments is better than having a relaxed life filled with savoring, though I can say that being strong is better than being weak, and that struggling gives one strength. My nature being what it is, I would not have changed my life, but I can’t tell you what is best for you. That is for you to choose. What I have seen is that the happiest people discover their own nature and match their life to it."
Ray Dalio

Go well x
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Asha999
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by Asha999 »

L-F wrote: Sun May 28, 2023 8:13 am "Sometimes in life we need to sit with things for a minute, maybe on the fringe of things, not only to savor the wealth of the moment, but take a moment to figure out how to respectfully engage it."
Craig D. Lounsbrough
This is it L-F, I appreciate the other quotes as well but this is it. And the challenge of being a limerent I guess is living in that fringe and uncertainty of it being intolerable. In my case that prematurely drove behavior to get certainty when there was probably none to be found… LOs were just living the moment in a way I couldn’t. I actually think I could have for longer but for the pressure of the therapist. I guess if we are in a space where our unmet needs don’t hijack our emotions, reactions and sensibilities… or just a good place allowing for a connection to be savored for what it is (in my case probably something singular, powerful and multifaceted).

In our case I think it’s our calm confidence that attracts LO and I… and anxiety doesn’t really have a place in that relationship.

The beauty and the fun is the fringe.. and the trust of just letting that ride I guess.
L-F
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by L-F »

Asha999 wrote: Sun May 28, 2023 5:34 pm In our case I think it’s our calm confidence that attracts LO and I… and anxiety doesn’t really have a place in that relationship.
Sometimes it's the simple things. I believe the limerence experience (LE) excruciatingly inflates every flaw in our personality, brain chemistry, psyche, and relationships for inspection. But sometimes, it's the little things that are often overlooked. I'm glad you mentioned the above. For me, I believe it was my curiosity, innocence and eagerness to drink from the knowledge fountain, which could have seen her go back in time (live vicariously) to when she was curious too. Either that or she felt proud to be the one providing the information. Of course speculation, yet, there's an intuitive component worth noting, as you have done.

May you innocently enjoy the rest of your time together and keep us posted!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
vesseloflight
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Re: Fired Therapist

Post by vesseloflight »

L-F wrote: Sun May 28, 2023 9:01 pm
Asha999 wrote: Sun May 28, 2023 5:34 pm In our case I think it’s our calm confidence that attracts LO and I… and anxiety doesn’t really have a place in that relationship.
Sometimes it's the simple things. I believe the limerence experience (LE) excruciatingly inflates every flaw in our personality, brain chemistry, psyche, and relationships for inspection. But sometimes, it's the little things that are often overlooked. I'm glad you mentioned the above. For me, I believe it was my curiosity, innocence and eagerness to drink from the knowledge fountain, which could have seen her go back in time (live vicariously) to when she was curious too. Either that or she felt proud to be the one providing the information. Of course speculation, yet, there's an intuitive component worth noting, as you have done.
Seeing this conversation between L-F and Asha999 really resonates!!! THIS is so similar to my experience. I get these words. You have no idea how this makes me feel more 'normal' if that were such a thing.
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