). I've read a few topics and I finally don't feel so alone anymore in this madness.I think my story is very recognizable, no need to type it all out because you've probably heard it all. For some context; I'm a 42 old woman and my LO is a co-worker I've met a year ago.
We had an amazing connection at first. We had so much fun! He was the distraction I needed. I was a wreck, my mother got very ill and eventually died last summer, my bf and I broke up after 10 years living together (unrelated to LO) and I lost myself in an alcohol addiction. I think that all was the trigger.
I became obsessed. He was everything for me, everything I did, my whole day, he was sitting right there in my head being a part of it all. It got so bad (also my life in general, the addiction, my mental health) I had myself commited to rehab. I spent 8 weeks there and learned a lot, I really thought I could handle the situation.
But then I came back home, went back to work, and nothing got better at all (well, I'm not drinking anymore so that did got better). I just cant quit him!
The hardest part for me is the hope. I got rejected HARD and still, my mind keeps finding reasons it will all work out. That we will go back to the connection we had at first. It feels impossible having to accept the fact that I ruined it, somehow I just can't live with that?
I'm so ashamed of my behaviour and this version of myself I've become. I can go NC for a while and then BAM, the madness starts again. I just can't let him go and the moment he is nice to me, my mind goes crazy again.
I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of waking up thinking about him. I'm tired of making up scenarios in my head. I'm tired of endlessly repeating nice conversations or interactions we had in my head. I'm tired of him being a part of everything I do or think about in a day. I'm just so exhausted....
I'll read a lot more on this forum, it really helps me to see I'm not alone. And I hope I will get over this eventually.
Thank you for whoever took the time to read my story!
