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LO is my SO's sister

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
MajorPlant6675
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2023 3:05 am
Singapore

LO is my SO's sister

Post by MajorPlant6675 »

Hi All, greetings from the small country of Singapore, I hope you're all doing great (hopefully living a limerent-free life!). First of all I am very glad that I found this forum, I have read so many stories of others and I too would like to share and express my limerent issue as it has been pent up in me for so long. I will try my best to just keep it short, simple and straight to the point.

I am married to my SO and I love her so dearly much. Now, we are currently living at my in-law's house while waiting for my own house to be ready. I will be staying here for a few months. The problem now is my LO is my SO's sister and it makes me feel so guilty and bad about this. I noticed that sometimes I would do unnecessary things just to interact with LO. For example, I would pretend as if I do not know how to turn on the washing machine (the water settings etc) so that I could ask LO to help just so that I could interact with LO. There are so many other instances that are similar to this - basically trying to interact with LO even if it's a small interaction.

I understand going NC is very vital in eliminating limerence, however when living in the same house it is practically impossible to do this as we see each other every day. What should I do? I feel so stressed and guilty at the same time. :(
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: LO is my SO's sister

Post by L-F »

Welcome to the forum MP6675. It sounds like a tricky situation living under the same roof. I know at this point in time it is impossible to go no contact. Something to consider is jounaling your thoughts while in this situation, do you feel this could be of benefit? What other stress releasing strategies have you tried? It's a difficult situation that's for sure.

Again, welcome.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
JupiterTaco
Posts: 5665
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: LO is my SO's sister

Post by JupiterTaco »

Getting out of the house could probably help a lot. Also take time to really think about how you feel how various situations make you feel and like L-F said journaling helps a lot.
"You know for a big black guy Cleveland's got a cute little white ass!" Peter, Family Guy
"Um...that wasn't Cleveland," Brian
MajorPlant6675
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2023 3:05 am
Singapore

Re: LO is my SO's sister

Post by MajorPlant6675 »

L-F wrote: Wed Jan 11, 2023 4:24 am Welcome to the forum MP6675. It sounds like a tricky situation living under the same roof. I know at this point in time it is impossible to go no contact. Something to consider is jounaling your thoughts while in this situation, do you feel this could be of benefit? What other stress releasing strategies have you tried? It's a difficult situation that's for sure.

Again, welcome.
JupiterTaco wrote: Wed Jan 11, 2023 5:12 am Getting out of the house could probably help a lot. Also take time to really think about how you feel how various situations make you feel and like L-F said journaling helps a lot.
Hello LF, Jupiter, thanks for the warm welcome :)

For stress releasing strategies, in general I like being active so I enjoy going for a jog, hitting the gym, going for a swim. I hope these strategies will help me to be distracted away from LO, even though I will need to return home and be seeing LO again (sigh).

I appreciate the suggestion of journaling. To be honest, I have never written journals/diaries before. Usually, what should I write down in my journal?

Thanks guys!
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: LO is my SO's sister

Post by L-F »

Anything. What you're feeling, how your day is going, what your plan of attack is (how you hope to manage any inreractions), promises to keep for example not finding things to get LOs attention i.e. the washing machine example, how annoying limerence, etc.

Another strategy is externalizing limerence and seeing it as a third person, this helps to take the shame away from having it.

You can also keep free private online journals. Or you can post here. you can write anything you want.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: LO is my SO's sister

Post by Zsababy »

Journaling is an excellent idea, and you can always open up here. We get it & there's a wealth of experience & insight here, I have found. Letting it out is also a way of monitoring it and keeping feelings from becoming actions
MajorPlant6675
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2023 3:05 am
Singapore

Re: LO is my SO's sister

Post by MajorPlant6675 »

L-F wrote: Wed Jan 11, 2023 6:49 am Anything. What you're feeling, how your day is going, what your plan of attack is (how you hope to manage any inreractions), promises to keep for example not finding things to get LOs attention i.e. the washing machine example, how annoying limerence, etc.

Another strategy is externalizing limerence and seeing it as a third person, this helps to take the shame away from having it.

You can also keep free private online journals. Or you can post here. you can write anything you want.
Could you elaborate more on what you mean by externalizing limerence? Sounds like an interesting strategy and would love to understand more about it.

Yup as of today I have started to post on my private online journal. Although having a chat with y'all here makes me feel better as well :D
MajorPlant6675
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2023 3:05 am
Singapore

Re: LO is my SO's sister

Post by MajorPlant6675 »

Zsababy wrote: Wed Jan 11, 2023 7:45 am Journaling is an excellent idea, and you can always open up here. We get it & there's a wealth of experience & insight here, I have found. Letting it out is also a way of monitoring it and keeping feelings from becoming actions
You are right, I agree that we should not let the feelings become pent-up.

Just wondering - are there or were there anyone out there facing a similar scenario as mine? The one where the LO is staying under the same roof. I hope I am not the only person facing this issue :(
David
Site Admin
Posts: 3859
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Age: 64
Great Britain

Re: LO is my SO's sister

Post by David »

I remember reading years ago about a similar situation, limerence for the wife's sister.

It doesn't get much tougher than limerence for a close relation and even worse being in the same house.

Only advice i can offer is too look at why you have developed limerence and work on that.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: LO is my SO's sister

Post by L-F »

Externalizing would be a short term self-help type strategy, but long-term, as David suggested, you could start looking at why you became limerent. But since you're in the thick of it and a difficult situation, it may be helpful to view limerence as this thing 'out there'. Externalizing is a technique used by some counselors but im not talking about the level of externalizing which needs a support person.

I'm talking about making limerence an external object and seeing it as this sneaky thing that tries to override your brain. When you identify a limerent thought you could say to yourself "oh! You again! Nope! Not this time!" meaning you won't let it take control and drift away with the thought/s limerence tries to plant in your head.
It may or may not work for you.

Limerence can be very confusing to start with but eventually, you'll work thru it. The suggestion above is only because you're under the same roof otherwise I would go with looking inwards. I'm also worried about information overload! good to hear you're jounalling though for others reading, it's only a strategy to support awareness, not a fix. Externalizing won't fix anything either, but may provide short-term relief/awareness of thought.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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