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Three Generations' Experiences of Limerence; One Day, One Conversation

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
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JupiterTaco
Posts: 5655
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Three Generations' Experiences of Limerence; One Day, One Conversation

Post by JupiterTaco »

Today my mother's aunt who is renting a room from her ex-boyfriend left her place because his longtime girlfriend was going over with her family to his house, is now driving around according to her. My mother has been going on about it all day. We tried to talk her into coming out here to visit us and she said she'd think about it but obviously that can't happen today.

I don't know the woman terribly well and am a lot younger than her so I'm not really comfortable telling her myself, but I told my mother she could tell her about CoDa, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and the Limerence forum since she seems comfortable confiding in her, and my mother said everybody has tried to talk to her for years about her obsession with this guy, to no avail. For quick backstory, she saw him for a time when he'd said he was going to leave his girlfriend and then never did.

My mother was literally ranting and going on like she often does about not only this situation which has been literally going on for years, but also about her mother and her many dysfunctional relationships. The most notable one from my childhood was Grandma M's marriage to her third husband at the time. My mother has told me in detail about the numerous times when I was really young, that she'd tried to leave this man, my mother had helped her, and she got back in touch and went back to him.

I told my mother tonight that it's pretty public knowledge that a domestic violence survivor returns around seven times before finally leaving a relationship for good (if they survive it of course). She was going on about how this affected her as a young woman, which it did, and I've heard about over and over again; and then went back to her aunt and was being loudly judgmental about women who are "obsessed" with men and why can't they just get over it.

I flat out told her, I seem to remember someone else having an affair that once broke up two families, to which she backtracked and said she had a lot of guilt over the years about that, and that she'd learned her lesson. I was just kind of like, okay then. As this is generally an addiction, as with any addiction, I reminded her that the negatives will have to outweight the positives of continuing before someone will feel motivated to stop.

These people have lived together for years. My great aunt has been a rent check he can count on, and his house has been relatively affordable housing with cooked meals that she can rely on. They're both older and the likelihood that either of them will be motivated to stop this nonsense is as good as none right now, so what's the point of dwelling on it?

Well it served as one more thing in my family that my mother got the chance to martyr about but which none of us could connect as people and maybe be a support system to one another or at least an understanding ear, like many things. Just thought I'd share it. I'm also glad this stupid day is finally over...
"Men are fooled so easily. Women wrelike spiders. They'll pull you into their webs and...wrap you up so tight you can hardly breathe," Griselda Blanco, Cocaine Godmother
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