Death Blow

[NickMarone]

For me, the depression is kind of unrelenting so I'm bouncing around from task to task (limerence, gambling, whatever) just to get some minor distraction and relief. And possibly a dopamine fix. So, I would say being depressed and isolated primes one for a LE.

Depression also magnifies the crash after the LE. For me, depression makes me personalize the LO "rejection" to the point where it zaps my motivation for living, self-esteem and confidence.

I don't think the depression makes the idealization factor go higher.

Nick

That's really interesting. I can't imagine having a chemical imbalance, I'm assuming there are strategies that wouldn't work for you that may work for someone who isn't depressed, such as meditation, self-help books, affirmations, etc.
Has anything worked for you in the past?

I've been through the gamut of all kinds of treatment and strategies. The only thing that really cuts through the symptoms is the right kind of medications. Everything else, doesn't really hurt, but has limited, if any, real effect. It is really a biological/physiological problem in the end.

Nick

[L-F]

So if anything, does chatting here help? Curious to know since it's all about the biological/physiological side for you.

I'm sorry it's such a bloody tough ride for you!

[NickMarone]

So if anything, does chatting here help? Curious to know since it's all about the biological/physiological side for you.

I'm sorry it's such a bloody tough ride for you!

Yeah, getting my feelings out here is cathartic to a degree. At least for the limerence. I don't know if it is really moving the needle in the grand scheme, but it helps a bit. I appreciate your input and thoughts.

Nick

[Zsababy]

I guess you might want to weigh the job perks & monetary/career benefits with the benefits of getting away from your LO. I forget, how long has it been, this limerance?

[NickMarone]

I guess you might want to weigh the job perks & monetary/career benefits with the benefits of getting away from your LO. I forget, how long has it been, this limerance?

Six months. However, if I can gut it out for another month, she goes on maternity leave for one year.

Nick

[Zsababy]

Oh, well, there's your answer! You can get through one month. And six months isn't really that long. So far, I'd say it doesn't warrant changing jobs just yet. Her going away for a year is the best possible outcome. It will give you a test to see whether or not her absence helps your depression or not.
I'm not trying to downplay the torturous aspect to this but a month can go by really fast, especially if you just throw yourself into your work & any other projects or distractions.

This might sound like a dumb question, but do you have a pet? Pets, especially dogs, are so great for easing loneliness. Plus dogs are little happiness and affection machines! So much so that they're often used in therapy. My mom was a hospice worker & they had a therapy dog to help people deal with isolation & depression.

[Zsababy]

There are even a couple therapists in SF who use therapy pigs. Can you imagine being in a pit of despair and then a pig walks in the room?

[NickMarone]

Oh, well, there's your answer! You can get through one month. And six months isn't really that long. So far, I'd say it doesn't warrant changing jobs just yet. Her going away for a year is the best possible outcome. It will give you a test to see whether or not her absence helps your depression or not.
I'm not trying to downplay the torturous aspect to this but a month can go by really fast, especially if you just throw yourself into your work & any other projects or distractions.

This might sound like a dumb question, but do you have a pet? Pets, especially dogs, are so great for easing loneliness. Plus dogs are little happiness and affection machines! So much so that they're often used in therapy. My mom was a hospice worker & they had a therapy dog to help people deal with isolation & depression.

Don't have a pet. Although I babysit my brother's dog quite often.

The month thing is good EXCEPT my interactions with my LO are by far the highlight of my life. So, there will likely be a strong emptiness and grieving when that goes away. In fact, I don't know how I'm going to deal with that part of the equation. And I guess going back to my "old" life doesn't really excite me all that much as it is just basically a depressive hole. Sort of trading the highs and lows of limerence to the constant dysphoria of my existence.

Nick

[L-F]

This may sound exceptionally naive and stupid, how about acceptance? There have been times when I've accepted my shitty situation where I reach a "throw my hands in the air cos I just don't care" moment and carry on. It has helped to numb the shittiness of the shitty situation. Not for everyone. Suppose it's a strategy right up there next to being happy-clappy but in reverse.

Just throwing it out there.

[NickMarone]

This may sound exceptionally naive and stupid, how about acceptance? There have been times when I've accepted my shitty situation where I reach a "throw my hands in the air cos I just don't care" moment and carry on. It has helped to numb the shittiness of the shitty situation. Not for everyone. Suppose it's a strategy right up there next to being happy-clappy but in reverse.

Just throwing it out there.

That's good advice. That's kind of where I was before this last LE. I was out of any LTR and hadn't had a full-fledged LE in 5-6 years. I wasn't thrilled or happy, but I was content as a single and not having anyone in my life from a romantic perspective. But this latest limerence really blew the top off of that and really re-energized all those emotions (some positive, mostly negative) and I've been on tilt for the last six months.

I do "sit" in the pain and just sort of live with it. That's all I can really do. But every time I see my LO all that warped thinking and despair just overwhelm me, no matter how prepared and centered I think I am. I'd really love to go back to the comfortable old rut I was in. I wasn't living my best life, but at least I wasn't suffering.

Nick