My story

[Fiddlestickgoddess]

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[Zsababy]

It's interesting that this kind of experience falls squarely in with your expertise. I guess it just goes to show you that emotion can trump intellect anytime.

I can relate to how feeling that I understand the phenomenon, which can help me from being irrational (I'm bipolar) but still doesn't prevent me from going through it again and again. I've also had literally decades of therapy.

Your anger seems understandable; it sounds like he jumped over sensitivity and went straight to blame.

I can also relate to feeling like I've talked to everyone about it ad nauseum. I think it's part of the intrusive thought issue- we just keep coming back to this fixation.

I'm sorry you're in the crappy phase of limerance.

[Zsababy]

Also can relate to using obsession as a distraction from the distressing state of affairs that is just hitting us from all angles in recent years. I use my LO's Twitter page as a daily feel-good activity (he's famous-- I know. This is perhaps the lamest case in this forum lol) even though I know social media is probably the worst thing for it. It gives me some shot of euphoric or tranquilizer when he likes my comment or the occasional reply. I know this is bad but it's a scary world out there & it keeps me from doom scrolling. I think the pandemic made us all regress at least a little bit.

[L-F]

Haven't read your entire post... Sorry! In a rush. Just going to add that my LO was a Therapist (no I was a client, lol) and David and his LO are both therapists. It happens! Welcome to the forum!

[Fiddlestickgoddess]

I can also relate to feeling like I've talked to everyone about it ad nauseum. I think it's part of the intrusive thought issue- we just keep coming back to this fixation.

I'm sorry you're in the crappy phase of limerance.

I really appreciate your response and what you shared. No judgement for the LO being a famous person. My first LO was a teen sitcom star. I try and tell myself whoever is my current LO is basically the same fantasy dressed as a different person. They all bring up the same feelings.
It helps to keep remembering that this is in the intrusive thoughts category. I’ve come through a lot of dark intrusive thoughts in the past that no longer haunt me. This relationship stuff is so sticky though.
We all sure have regressed some since this pandemic. Tons of growth too. It’s such a strange time.

[Fiddlestickgoddess]

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[Fiddlestickgoddess]

Haven't read your entire post... Sorry! In a rush. Just going to add that my LO was a Therapist (no I was a client, lol) and David and his LO are both therapists. It happens! Welcome to the forum!

I don’t know if them being a therapist makes it better or worse lol

There are some bonkers ass therapists out there

[L-F]

There are some bonkers ass therapists out there

True lol
Sorry, my post was meant to read *I wasn't a client* not that it matters. A psychiatrist friend experienced it as well. Guess therapists and health care professionals are human too (tongue in cheek).

Can totally relate (on more than one level). No advice from me. I'm keen to hear your thoughts on countertransference and whether you felt it applied in your situation.

[Fiddlestickgoddess]

Thanks for your reply:)
Countertransference is generally used specific to a clinical relationship, so I wouldn’t say it applies to this situation.
Recognizing that we’re responding to stimuli with our own history is useful to a point. I sometimes see concepts of transference and countertransference used to invalidate people’s experiences, filing them into the “projection” category. We’re all carrying our history with us at all times, so pure objectivity is basically impossible. The best we can do is honor what’s happening in our nervous systems while trying to be as compassionate as possible to everyone involved.
Does that answer your question?
I appreciate your reflection

[L-F]

Recognizing that we’re responding to stimuli with our own history is useful to a point.

We’re all carrying our history with us at all times, so pure objectivity is basically impossible.

For sure. Self-awareness is the key.
It's interesting the approach we take. Some take a spiritual approach while others view limerence through a neuro-scientific lens, etc. Or a combination of different approaches based on research and biases. The great thing about limerence from a philosophical viewpoint (or any topic), it can be moulded to fit. Unfortunately, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to limerence. Just my thoughts.