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Intense Anger

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
moreissuesthanvogue
Posts: 62
Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2014 9:45 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Intense Anger

Post by moreissuesthanvogue »

I figured I would write something here instead of to him.

My desire to break my NC is really geared towards calling him out more than anything else.

I know for a fact that he wasn't expecting my response and NC. That's the only reason he apologized. He kept me hanging for weeks and when I followed up with him claimed he was waiting for my response. His initial apology admitted that he shouldn't have wasted my time and didn't really have a valid reason to and understood why I was withdrawing, then it was his personal life interfering with business, yet he still wanted to continue to use my service.

He claimed he's my "friend" but ghost and gaslights me. Flirts and comes on to me and then weaponizes his wife against me repeatedly. When I avoid him and make a point of having one of my partners deal with him, he specifically comes in when he knows I'm alone, calls, texts or emails me.

He's tried to break my NC multiple times. What does he get out of this?
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Intense Anger

Post by L-F »

moreissuesthanvogue wrote: Mon Dec 20, 2021 8:14 pm Flirts and comes on to me and then weaponizes his wife against me repeatedly.
What does this mean?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Intense Anger

Post by L-F »

moreissuesthanvogue wrote: Mon Dec 20, 2021 8:14 pm yet he still wanted to continue to use my service.
You don't have to continue to supply services. Better yet, get your partner to deal with him. End of.
moreissuesthanvogue wrote: Mon Dec 20, 2021 8:14 pm What does he get out of this?
It's not what he does that's the issue. It's what you do that matters. Change your behavior and he'll be forced to change his.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
moreissuesthanvogue
Posts: 62
Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2014 9:45 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Intense Anger

Post by moreissuesthanvogue »

After he had ghosted me he returned. He came into my office acting weird/ nervous. It seemed like he was trying to acknowledge /apologize for his absence. He gave me a gift, turns to walk away and turns around and stands there looking me in the eyes before he leaves. So I filled the awkward silence with thanks and telling him we'll take care of everything he needed. I walked him out and locked the front door(we always do for safety) and he comes back in less 2 mins to tell me something he forgot. A couple of days later he randomly has his wife call me. I have never met or spoke to her before but he purposely has her call and ask for me. One of my partners took the call and gave me the message.

A day later he had her call me again. It was my day off so my partner gave me the message again.This time it was that her husband will come in and pay in person. He calls me and leaves a message it was very formal stating everything his wife already stated. There's really no need to come in person when they/he can just pay over the phone. The next morning I pull into my parking lot and he's already there. He barely says hello, follows me in and slams his credit card down and taps his foot impatiently. So I take the payment in the silence and turn the CC machine to him for his pin. He keeps looking at me and looking away and then mumbles something about his wife and leaves slamming the door.

When he returns a few weeks later I had my partner take care of him. He sends me an email saying I can text call or email him. I didn't bother to reply so he calls me. Whenever he comes to use a service he wants to interact with me directly even when I try to remove myself for the equation.

One of my partners died unexpectedly. My surviving partner and i needed to use his service. He started out fine but decided to leave me hanging. I called him out on it and he said he just didn't bother to follow up, and then keeps bringing his personal life up completely out of context. We were under pressure and on a time constraint. I have always been professional and met all obligations to him.So I made it very clear that we will not be conducting any business with him or vice versa ever again. This still wasn't the right answer for him as he has tried calling, coming to my business and approaching me when our paths crossed but I refuse to communicate with him.
IvB
Posts: 280
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2020 8:30 pm
Czech Republic

Re: Intense Anger

Post by IvB »

I had to go and read your other thread again because this sounds a bit like harassment and you seem completely over your limerence...? At least it doesn't sound like you have any positive feelings at all...
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Intense Anger

Post by L-F »

IvB wrote: Tue Dec 21, 2021 8:55 pm I had to go and read your other thread again because this sounds a bit like harassment and you seem completely over your limerence...? At least it doesn't sound like you have any positive feelings at all...
I haven't read the other thread. After reading the reply here, what I want to ask is...

Do you feel stalked MITV?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
moreissuesthanvogue
Posts: 62
Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2014 9:45 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Intense Anger

Post by moreissuesthanvogue »

I used to be so into him, but I no longer have any romantic feelings towards him. He's played way too many mind games. It's purely confusion and intense anger. He's just plain weird. I thought it might stem from him being married and feeling guilty but at then at some point all of this should have stopped. How guilty can he really feel if he still tries to maintain contact?

I don't feel stalked per se. He just reaches out to apologize and rectify things. He definitely didn't want this conclusion. I just think he wasn't expecting me to cut him off professionally and it's just taking time for him to accept the consequences.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Intense Anger

Post by L-F »

Thanks for the clarity MITV. I'm trying to read between the lines and I'm struggling to understand exactly what you are mad at?

I'm assuming you had a physical affair of sorts (?). I don't see any issue with him involving his wife. It seems like normal partnership behavior. Between me and my husband, business is business and we often play tag because there's nothing to hide. For example he'll deal with xyz company and if he's busy, he'll ask me to and vice versa. There's definitely a lot of underlying currents when it comes to limerence and some of them belong to the limerent. In other words, some may see/think things that aren't always there. Not saying it's all made up, just trying to work out what behavior is normal for him and what is not. For my husband, involving me is normal.

I'm glad you don't feel stalked because your sense of safety is paramount.

If you feel like talking about it, please do. I know this forum helped me to get stuff out in order to process it better, but, everyone is different.

I'm hoping you find a safe and healthy way to express this anger. I'm wondering if it's more about being hurt? I'm sorry if you were hurt, it sounds like you're being very professional to me.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
moreissuesthanvogue
Posts: 62
Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2014 9:45 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Intense Anger

Post by moreissuesthanvogue »

He and I did indeed have an affair that I ended due to his constant mind games.

I was still willing to work professionally with him when he ghosted me mid project. He returns with the gift(of a romantic nature) and eye contact. At that point I was over him romantically because of all the game playing. He has worked with me for years and knows that I'm very reliable and efficient.

He didn't need to contact me again regarding the project, nevermind having his wife contact me. I have never met, talked to or conducted any business with her up until this point(she has an external job). Now that I have ended the affair and rebuffed his advances he wants to interject this wife. It's just a another one of his constant mind games. Case in point when my partner died we needed a service he provided. He came over to offer us his condolences and the said service. I followed up with him past the deadline and he had a very blasé attitude about not fulfilling the obligation.

He admitted to not really having an excuse to wasting my time and should have referred us to someone else. When pressed his further response was he has his own life and family commitments that came first. I would have respected him if he was professional and honest. So he wasted my time,(when someone else could have provided the service, now my partner and I are letting down our partners highly distressed family and we have to scramble to find someone else during the lockdown. Regardless of any of personal feelings I have always been very professional and reliable to him.
I could have been passive aggressive and continued our business relationship and given him subpar service, but I was respectful enough to be very concise about severing our ties.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Intense Anger

Post by L-F »

You are right. He is playing mind games. But that's his problem. Why does it bother you given its his issue? If he's not professional enough, then like you said, look for someone else to provide his service, and have a partner provide him service. That way you don't have to entertain his mind games.

Stick to your guns. You owe him nothing.

By the way, I have to ask, do you want him back?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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