A Rant

[loslabios]

I am in the mood to rant. I have been reading newspaper articles about the COVID-19 epidemic and I guess it got my blood boiling some. I also notice that I feel really frustrated about the combination of my marriage and my LO. I was walking my dogs and thinking that I really want my wife to be my LO. It seems unfair that the person I am married too seems dull and uninteresting. LO excites me. Of course, LO is 30 years younger than me. I really do not want a sexual relationship with LO. I mean, as long as I am 30 years older than her and she is happily married. If I were 20 to 30 years younger, this might be different. I am happy for her and definitely do not want to do anything to hurt her or destroy the good memories we have.

What I wish is that my wife could be just a little more exciting. She states that, at 58, she is too old for sex. She shows absolutely no affection toward me. She is not too old to paint the house, but she is too old for sex. How do I not take that as rejection? Being the good Christian man that I am, I do not consider divorce as an option, but see myself hopelessly trapped in this affectionless, sexless relationship. Part of me wishes I could find another LO more my age who would reciprocate. Of course, the likelihood of such a thing ending in a disaster is high. I am just feeling almost desperate. My wife would never go to counseling. She will not even go to a doctor to see if there is a medical reason for her lack of sexual desire. So, my mind drifts to LO, but now that frustrates me also as LO seems to not be available anymore.

This is like my worst nightmare come true. I hate to sound so selfish, but the main reason I got married was to have a sexual partner. I really had no desire to marry a house painter. I find myself wishing she would catch this virus and die. OK, no need to report me as that is just a fleeting thought. I am sure I would feel horrible if that were to actually happen. My point is that I am feeling so frustrated and desperate for sex that my mind tries to come up with solutions. No solution seems like a good one. The only solutions seem to be divorce, death, or continued misery. I have tried everything I know to get her interested in me again. It just seems completely hopeless.

[Idiotic]

Sex is a real need dude.
You need to have a talk for find some other way idk.

[Teana]

I understand your frustration. It seems to be completely justified. Your wife seems not to consider your basic needs as a man and it is selfish of her.
I know you tried to talked to her and she still refuses, im wondering if she is not afraid of you having an affair? Would she be ok with you having an affair? I dont understand women who refuse sleeping with their partner and think it will be fine. Thats also why affairs start. It is a basic need.
As your wife is not thinking she is doing anything wrong and is not willing to change. Maybe only if she found out you would have some affair that would change her thinking.
Not saying you should have affair, thats everybodys own decision.. did you try to talk to her how her behaviour makes you feel?

[loslabios]

Thanks for the feedback. One day at a time. Yes, I believe there is a relationship between my limerence and my lack of ability to get my intimacy needs met in my marriage. Yes, I have tried to talk to my wife. She says she doesn’t Know what I want. I am too shy to say I want a passionate sex life. I don’t know if my limerence means my expectations are unrealistic, but I don’t think wanting sexual fulfillment is unrealistic.

I am kind of embarrassed to say I sometimes feel forced to turn to self-stimulation which leaves me feeling ashamed and emasculated (this is confidential right . I am wishing I could just be single again so I could find somebody who excites me and who is excited by me. After reading a good part of Love and Limerence, I just wonder if what I want can only be attained through limerent fantasy.

[WishMagick]

Ask your wife to take the DHEA supplement. She doesn't have to go to the doctor for it. That's a simple thing to do. My husband's mother took this in her 40s and she said it made her SUPER horny. She didn't have a partner at the time, so she stopped taking it!! Lol! Too frustrating, I suppose!

Also, you have a LOT of stuff to work through before you can get your sex life revved up and going. And it takes your wife being willing to try that supplement and you should not be ashamed to masturbate. Actually, you should masturbate in front of your wife. You'll kill two birds with one stone. You'll get more comfortable with being sexual and eliminate your shame, and your wife can see how you like to be touched. So you don't even have to start with telling her what you like - you can show her. And this will also increase the intimacy between the two of you, exponentially!! And your bond will be stronger.

Win.
Win.
Win.

If you can get her to try the supplement, she will probably be up for experimentation once her sex drive is revved up! If not experimentation, then at least "regular sex". Haha!

GL to you, @loslabios

Remember, being ashamed of your sexuality isn't going to get you anywhere!

[L-F]

Edited to add.
You are not a bad person for these thoughts. These thoughts are normal. Your situation believe it or not is common for your age bracket.

Limerents are experts at pointing the finger but have you noticed each time you do that there are three pointing back at you?



I get that you are frustrated, I get that. If you were my client I'd let you rant so hard and so loud you'll likely end up a bawling mess on the floor. NOTHING wrong with that.

You say you're a good Christian man who doesn't believe in divorce on one hand yet you want to have an affair on the other.

"Part of me wishes I could find another LO more my age who would reciprocate."

... even going as far as predicting the likely outcome. How can you entertain the notion of adultery but not divorce? Btw, who hasn't secretly wished their partner would drool dead from time to time?

The best site I've come across for jushing up a sex life is Layla Martin https://laylamartin.com/vlog/
Her vlogs are worth checking out.

Seriously, men need to check out this site and learn something! And women, it's a great site to share with your partner.

If you were my client, I'd encourage you to find ways to reconnect, not just with your wife, with yourself even your masculinity. David knows of great mens groups that do just that. I'd encourage you to explore activities that reignite your inner flame and I'd encourage you to keep expressing yourself in a safe environment.

Wishing you an easy ride out of this situation, but unfortunately, its going to take some heavy lifting.

[MrSpock]

Hi LL,

I think that her lack of sexual desire for you is much more a symptom than a cause.
There is "just sex", when you fuck a complete stranger and enjoy it, and there is "making love", when the intimacy on a well connected couple is expressed sexually. One can be too old for just sex, but usually one is never too old for making love with a partner you deeply love.

What that means is that what she is really saying, even without being aware of it, is that there is way too much distance between you two, and that at this point in her life, she needs the intimacy to enjoy the sex.

So, if you want your sex life back, work on rebuilding the emotional connection that you two have lost. And, to do that, the very first step (on your side) is to stop replacing--in your fantasies and wishes--your wife with your LO. If you want your wife (and the sex) back, you can't keep wanting somebody else instead.

[L-F]

So, if you want your sex life back, work on rebuilding the emotional connection that you two have lost. And, to do that, the very first step (on your side) is to stop replacing--in your fantasies and wishes--your wife with your LO. If you want your wife (and the sex) back, you can't keep wanting somebody else instead.

Good advice.
Layla Martin has some good vlogs on this subject.

[Cookie]

If you were my client, I'd encourage you to find ways to reconnect, not just with your wife, with yourself even your masculinity.

Your client in what?

[L-F]

If you were my client, I'd encourage you to find ways to reconnect, not just with your wife, with yourself even your masculinity.

Your client in what?

Hairdressing - its amazing what shit comes out