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Desire is where attraction meets obstruction, Netflix Sex / life and men becomeing the best versions of themselves

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David
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Desire is where attraction meets obstruction, Netflix Sex / life and men becomeing the best versions of themselves

Post by David »

This is the central premise that drives limerence. We are attracted to our LO's in some shape or form and because of obstructions to crystallizing the relationship, the desire is ramped up.

It is also the most common issue we see in our couples counselling. Dead bedrooms due to a lack of desire. The central goal of LTR's is to create a union through stability and this is the very passion killer that many are seeking because desire is where attraction meets obstruction

Its why books like 50 shades of Grey are so successful. The new Netflix series Sex/life has this theme as its core, although dressed up in other ways.

Its also why better communication taught by many marriage counsellors doesn't work when it comes to working on deadbedrooms. It may lead to more transactional sex, but less validational sex. Ultimately this is going to fail.

Its why my focus on my one to one work is now helping men become the best versions of themselves.

What's your experience?
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
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Re: Desire is where attraction meets obstruction, Netflix Sex / life and men becomeing the best versions of themselves

Post by L-F »

What does 'best version of themselves' mean?

I'm intrigued.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
David
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Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
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Age: 64
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Re: Desire is where attraction meets obstruction, Netflix Sex / life and men becomeing the best versions of themselves

Post by David »

Generally going self awareness, more conscious, aware of the masculine archetypes of the warrior, lover, king and magician. Also living with more honesty, integrity and taking responsibility. And working on them being more connected to their feelings although not letting their emotions run them.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
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Re: Desire is where attraction meets obstruction, Netflix Sex / life and men becomeing the best versions of themselves

Post by L-F »

Interesting you said not to let their emotions run them. Everyone would benefit from learning this. I'm still learning! Sometimes I feel like a baby.

Those are valuable tools listed. If there is one thing I'd like SO to learn, it's other-awareness! He has zero clues when it comes to flirting and how he plays a part in the bigger picture. He just thinks he's being friendly or funny, and for the most part, he is, yet his lack of awareness scares me at times. We had a discussion and I told him that he could very well end up with someone limerent for him and that in part, he'd be to blame. I even explained that if the LS was a bit crazy, he could end up being blamed, manipulated, harassed, stalked, etc.

One thing that annoys me is that he acts differently with men than he does with women. I mean, friendly is friendly, right? So why act differently? Anyway, zero self and other awareness. I'd say he's naive and everyone loves him. Which is nice, but he's got to be careful!

I love your focus on working on helping men to grow. Giving them some tools their mother didn't.

We can all learn to be our best selves.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
David
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Posts: 3859
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 8:22 pm
Location: London UK
Gender:
Age: 64
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Re: Desire is where attraction meets obstruction, Netflix Sex / life and men becomeing the best versions of themselves

Post by David »

Flirting is a fascinating topic.

With most of our couples we get them to talk about the definition of flirting which is different for each person. Most people find it hard to see the harm in flirting and do not see the deeper unconscious desires of wanting to be loved validated and accepted by the other.

I was utterly clueless to this dynamic myself and I’m embarrassed to say at least once I have been a limerent object and played up to it. I had no idea of the harm I was doing to the other person.

When we become self-aware we no longer need to flirt to find and validate ourselves. I am now hyper -boundaried around women and very mindful of how I behave.

For instance occasionally a male client will want to be hugged or held which I’m comfortable doing. With a female client I would not do this, in today’s Me too climate it’s just too dangerous plus it could feed erotic transference.

I can also reflect on how I flirted with my own LO and how also she flirted with me. Touching me when talking. The higher up the arm the more intimate the touch. She even once touched me on my shoulder when walking past, for me that’s a very big boundary violation of the time I could not see it. I doubt she was aware of it either.

I have a similar issue with my own SO who could flirt with men and found it hard to see the harm in it. Since my own limerence I think she has become more self aware of this dynamic although I’m sure given an alpha male that she is attracted to and she will go back to old habits. It’s the evolutionary hardwired in all of us
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Desire is where attraction meets obstruction, Netflix Sex / life and men becomeing the best versions of themselves

Post by L-F »

Interesting. I'll share some of this with SO.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
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Re: Desire is where attraction meets obstruction, Netflix Sex / life and men becomeing the best versions of themselves

Post by L-F »

Talking about Netflix

Beef on Netfix is intriguing when it comes to how two strangers get into a road rage incident that brings chaos into their lives

It highlights how insignificant things to adults can be deemed horrific thru a child's eye and internalized producing a ripple effect. In Ali Wong & Steven Yeun's situation, leading to road rage and then some.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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