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An Update

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
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Pattihopeful
Posts: 810
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
United States of America

An Update

Post by Pattihopeful »

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Last edited by Pattihopeful on Sat Mar 04, 2023 3:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: An Update

Post by L-F »

Hey Pattihopeful, so nice to hear an update even though I feel it's still tinged with sadness, among other emotions.
A quick hello from me, I'll post more when I can digest your post. :ymhug:
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: An Update

Post by L-F »

Okay, well most will probably jump on the 'he's a classic narcissist and is hoovering'. Unless he has been properly assessed by a psychiatrist then no one can claim what mental illness he has. Period. So skip past his behavior and look at yours. Good on you for seeking therapy. I have to ask, and it sounds like you've already asked these questions, do you like his undivided attention? It's easy to point at someone and say they have narcissistic tendencies because they like the attention, but rarely do people see that it works both ways. Rarely do people label themselves with the same brush. So no need to label anyone.

It seems to be that all was going relatively well until jealousy snuck in. What's that about?

"He was talking about needing variety but couldn’t have that with girlfriends." what the??? What do you think he means by this?
I found it completely bamboozaling.

You are right, knowing and doing are two different things. Are you able to look at your situation and break the knowing into do-able chunks? Small tasks you set yourself? Such as going x amount of days NC, and then rewarding yourself at the end of the task? Becoming task or solution focussed removes the emotion out of the picture.

It's good to reflect on why you think you want to remain friends. What does he provide you that fills your emotional bucket? Limerence goes beyond infatuation, as you know, and taps into deeper unfulfilled needs.

Sorry to hear of your relapse!
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Pattihopeful
Posts: 810
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:18 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: An Update

Post by Pattihopeful »

Thanks LF! You bring up some good points. I really need to sit with this a while. The only thing I can control is my behavior. What I really need to come to terms with is that how he acts or what he does doesn’t matter. To focus on it just keeps me trapped and I need to let go completely to heal. I still have much work to do. Thanks again LF!
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