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A question about transference

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Shinehead43
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2019 3:05 pm
United States of America

A question about transference

Post by Shinehead43 »

My ex wife has been in limerence for a little over three years and seems to be slowly coming out of it over the last couple of months. A year ago her LO bought a house an hour away from me and our three adults kids, which was out of character for her, but made sense due to her limerence. Late last year she started being nice to me on the phone, remembering good times and that I wasn't the bad person she made me out to be. Anyway, her LO's adult son moved in with them in November, didn't think anything of it at the time because she has an LO, and theres literally a 33 year age difference between them. Then I noticed that she started mentioning him here and there in our conversations, saying his name multiple times, like she used to do with the LO, like she was getting a high just by talking about him. Then late last night she accidentally sent a text that was clearly meant for his son and she realized it and apologized and said goodnight. Nothing intimate or personal but what looked like an ongoing convoy they have and I'm wondering if she is possibly transferring her limerence to the son. If so, how will this possibly play out? Is it possible for her to stick around for another three years to nurse a dopamine buzz for his son? Even if he is unaware and nothing physical happens between them? Part of her knows that she's experiencing some sort of strange trip that she has no control over, even saying last year that she's "in a fog" and feels trapped. Is it possible that she would see it coming on with the son and have the strength to not let it happen? Any insight would be appreciated thanks.
L-F
Posts: 4500
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: A question about transference

Post by L-F »

Wow, sounds interesting and quite intense.

Could you mean 'transferring' her limerence rather than 'transference'? Transference is a phenomenon in which one seems to direct desires or feelings related to an important figure in one’s life (such as a parent) toward someone who is not that person.

I can't say whether it's transference, but it could be that she gets a kick out of any male attention. To me (although I don't have the full story), she could be aware of the infatuation, or it hasn't yet registered. It's difficult to say without asking her.

You asked if it's "possible for her to stick around for another three years to nurse a dopamine buzz for his son". Are you suggesting she was planning on reuniting with you and now you fear her separation will be extended?

Rather than what she wants. I'm interested to learn what you want.

How are you coping with all of this Shinehead43?
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
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