It's taken me over a week to get from NC announcement to my LO (whom I've been embroiled in an intense affair for nearly two years), to here - LO reluctantly adhering to NC - and I'm left reflecting how the most painful (at times it felt like tortuous!) part of my limerence experience was the overwhelming jealousy of pretty much anyone who my LO gave his time to (even a scruffy ole dog on a few occasions I'm embarrassed to admit!). Limerence jealousy has ripped through me and detracted me from anything, even on one occasion, time that I wanted to solely dedicate to my daughter on her birthday. I am fearful of the jealousy triggered in me, but also feel a sense of relief that the pain will (hopefully) remind me: LO = JEALOUSY PAIN LIKE NO OTHER.
Is this shared by others? Is it particularly significant to me and my limerence, or a general feature of limerence?
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Crippling jealousy
Re: Crippling jealousy
hi Sooze
I didn't consummate a relationships with my LO so I didn't develop crippling jealousy although there were pangs of it at times. I suspect had I had an affair then likely I would have shown extreme jealousy.
I did suffer from pathological jealousy to my SO which was what took me into therapy initially. It was crippling at times and almost destroyed our marriage as I became very possessive and insecure.
The clients I work with with limerence that consummate their limerence do seem to have this as part of the condition.
I didn't consummate a relationships with my LO so I didn't develop crippling jealousy although there were pangs of it at times. I suspect had I had an affair then likely I would have shown extreme jealousy.
I did suffer from pathological jealousy to my SO which was what took me into therapy initially. It was crippling at times and almost destroyed our marriage as I became very possessive and insecure.
The clients I work with with limerence that consummate their limerence do seem to have this as part of the condition.
Purchase the 24 part video series on overcoming limerence - see https://limerence.thinkific.com/courses/healing-limerence
Re: Crippling jealousy
I had no consummation with my LO either.
Although the one element of limerence that surprised me was that I didn't feel any jealousy towards his SO at all. A bit did surface when he ignored me in favor of talking with another female.
Also, I never felt threatened by his SO and was actually quite bold and would get right in her face if confronted, and this behavior in itself was very uncharacteristic of me at that time because I was more shy and passive.
Although the one element of limerence that surprised me was that I didn't feel any jealousy towards his SO at all. A bit did surface when he ignored me in favor of talking with another female.
Also, I never felt threatened by his SO and was actually quite bold and would get right in her face if confronted, and this behavior in itself was very uncharacteristic of me at that time because I was more shy and passive.
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
Re: Crippling jealousy
No consummation here either. I'm like AMA in that I didn't feel jealous of LO's SO. Though like David, suspect I would have been jealous had we consummated the relationship. Then again, I did have a relationship with another person and wasn't jealous of their SO. If anything, I think I'd be more jealous if SO had an extramarital affair, even if we had an open marriage.
All that aside, it's good that you've identified this reaction. It gives you something to work with.
All that aside, it's good that you've identified this reaction. It gives you something to work with.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Re: Crippling jealousy
It takes all kinds. No consummation for me either. But if LO just spoke to someone else, I wanted to kill that person!! I'm jealous of everyone who gets his attention.
I'm reducing contact to bare minum now. We'll see how it goes.
I'm reducing contact to bare minum now. We'll see how it goes.
Me: F
LO: M
Both Married
“Invisible Threads are the Strongest Ties” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
LO: M
Both Married
“Invisible Threads are the Strongest Ties” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
Re: Crippling jealousy
Interesting. I thought that jealousy intensity may be correlated to relationship with LO - the deeper in you go, the more pain you feel (?)
And, consequently, possibly, the more difficult to get out of (??)
And, consequently, possibly, the more difficult to get out of (??)
Re: Crippling jealousy
I also did not consummate my relationship with my LO. But, I did feel overwhelming jealousy at times. At least I thought I did...
My limerence occurred 2 years ago and I have had NC for over 16 months. On reflection, I don't think the feeling was really jealously by itself. I think it was a combination of rejection, fear, anxiety, and some jealously mixed in. I wanted validation and to feel my limerence was reciprocated. When my LO went to lunch with a different man or on vacation with her SO, I was overwhelmed with what I thought was jealousy.
I did not know what limerence was at the time. i knew something was terribly wrong with my emotional response, but I did not know why and I was not able to identify my emotions or understand the root cause of them.
I found limerence so debilitating.
My limerence occurred 2 years ago and I have had NC for over 16 months. On reflection, I don't think the feeling was really jealously by itself. I think it was a combination of rejection, fear, anxiety, and some jealously mixed in. I wanted validation and to feel my limerence was reciprocated. When my LO went to lunch with a different man or on vacation with her SO, I was overwhelmed with what I thought was jealousy.
I did not know what limerence was at the time. i knew something was terribly wrong with my emotional response, but I did not know why and I was not able to identify my emotions or understand the root cause of them.
I found limerence so debilitating.
Re: Crippling jealousy
Hello and welcome to the forum! I have been seeing lots of 222 lately, so had to check out your post.mst222 wrote: ↑Tue Aug 03, 2021 6:56 pm I also did not consummate my relationship with my LO. But, I did feel overwhelming jealousy at times. At least I thought I did...
My limerence occurred 2 years ago and I have had NC for over 16 months. On reflection, I don't think the feeling was really jealously by itself. I think it was a combination of rejection, fear, anxiety, and some jealously mixed in. I wanted validation and to feel my limerence was reciprocated. When my LO went to lunch with a different man or on vacation with her SO, I was overwhelmed with what I thought was jealousy.
I did not know what limerence was at the time. i knew something was terribly wrong with my emotional response, but I did not know why and I was not able to identify my emotions or understand the root cause of them.
I found limerence so debilitating.
Over 16 months of NC is awesome and I cannot imagine what that would be like. Would you be willing to share more of your LE here so that it may inspire others?
Never give up! Keep moving forward, no matter what.
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