Time for another brief update – i spoke too soon re conquering my limerence
I staffed on a ManKind Project weekend a couple of weeks ago and my continued NC with my FOO and intentional abstinence from sex is allowing my attachment wounds to become even more apparent. I see this as a good thing as the more i connect with these wounds, the more healing can take place. It comes at a small price though as i’ve noticed a few thoughts of LO re-enter my mind.
No euphoric recall though, just think of her in a fond way. I did consider un blocking her from my FB account, before common sense took over. Its been about 8 months of total NC. I see more and more the direct correlation between my vulnerability, my attachment scabs coming off and my limerence (my got-to addiction of choice). Given love addiction is at the root of all other addictions, it makes sense that my previous addictions of work and money are no longer working for me and limerence for sure is losing its grip. I do think the only way to sort our addictions is to explore the origins, in most cases being the weak attachments. And grief work is the only way to heal these wounds.
I’ve been reading up on Adult children of alcoholics and addicts. I never thought of my parents as addicts but they are. My mother was a rageaholic and my dad a functional alcoholic. I’ve been in denial about this till recently. Every trait of an ACoA applies to me. I blame my parents for my limerence and other struggles. Ive a long way to go to reach acceptance and find compassion for them. Its held me back in my relationships and my businesses. Ive talked to SO about how i feel, she gets it and supports my continued NC with my FOO. My dad and sisters are sickenly enmeshed.
Interestingly SO has just got a voluntary placement at an addiction clinic. She’s more fearful of starting here than the hospice work she does as a soul midwife / psychopomp. I pointed out she has the best experience, living with an addict for the best part of 30 years.
As i let go of control and trust things will work out, so they are. That’s an interesting experience.
Is this an easy path i choose to walk? No and yet i feel its worth it. I feel like im finally growing up and moving into my balanced masculine. My FOO hate my growth as it exposes the sham my family is. I still have loads more work to do, always will do.