david.perlAs my path with LO soons diverges and i finally feel i’m moving on from limerence, i’ve been reflecting back on the past 4 years and the role of therapy. In some ways my experience has been quite unique in that it developed in an environment where i had access to many experienced psychotherapists and that my LO was a peer. I’ve also been in weekly therapy for the past 6 years and from 2 weeks into limerence i’ve been open with SO, LO and every therapy group I’ve worked in. This means i’ve had feedback from around 15 therapists, some who have got to know me very well, others less so.
Ive listed below the main questions that i’ve been asked by them and forced to ponder:
- Who and what does LO represents for you? – Who does she remind you of?
What was your very first infatuation? What parallels are there?
What contra-sexual aspects is LO showing you (my anima)?
What parts of your shadow is LO showing you?
What’s your attachment style in relationships?
What are you distracting yourself from?
What was your early life relationship like with your mother/father?
Have you asked LO to come to a joint therapy session (this was the most contentious issue, some liked the idea, others not)
So how has the above list helped cure my limerence? To be honest, i dont think its helped me get over the limerence any quicker. I never imagined this was going to be such a roller coaster and for so long. Where therapy has helped is in my overall growth, my levels of consciousness/self awareness, compassion, tolerance, judgmentalism, honesty and letting go of co-dependency. My ego is healthier and i no longer seek drama as a way of knowing im alive. My relationships with my SO, children, friends and FOO are more authentic, stronger and healthier.
So my experience of therapy is its helped me in growing up emotionally but i’m not convinced its a quick nor specific fix for getting over limerence. The origins of our limerence are complex and all pervading in the roots of our psyche and no one solution will fix our malaise. Therapy has helped me understand and be more aware of my attachment wounds. Im not convinced these wounds ever get healed, we just became more conscious of them and how they shape our adult selves in relationships.
Im also now far more aware that with some woman where there is a strong mirroring and a physical attraction, i need to be very boundaried around. I do believe though i’m too conscious for another bout of limerence. No way do i want to go down that deep into that rabbit hole ever again.
On a final point, yesterday my good female friend R that i’ve trained with and knows my struggles intimately asked what must it have been like for LO to know all along she been the LO? I reflected and could see its been “very hard for her”. Its been the toughest part in disclosing my limerence to others. Many of the other addicts on the course freely talk of their struggles with substance abuse – as my addiction was another person, thats not been so easy. In all my disclosures to LO i’ve stressed to her, she represents an “object” , but i know she’s struggled with the unwanted attention at a conscious level.
This is just my view, your mileage may vary
