david.perlJust a short post today, however some honest thoughts on the process of disclsoure with my own limerence
Conversations and disclosures with my LO has not been a linear process.
Ive now been 3 years with extended low contact and no contact, interspersed with a handful of increasingly honest disclosures by email and face to face
Ive done a lot of work with Stacey in therapy exploring my projections.
Part of the challenge is that its likely our LO’s maybe in different places emotionally and may not be as willing nor conscious to help us in our own “coming to terms” with our limerence.
For most of us this means we never get to close the loop and we have to find acceptance within ourselves of what happened.
Perhaps that just another lesson, to learn to live with the not knowing. So many unknowns.
Ive had so many lessons from my LE. They evolve with time as i incarnate more into my true self. My training is coming to an end and that means no more ongoing contact with LO. In one way i’ll be relieved but another part of me will be sad as this chapter in my life closes. The gods have provided a parting gift – 3 sessions of group therapy with 9 peers which includes my good friend R (who knows all about my LE) and LO.
All this leads to a theme thats come up in my own therapy and in group therapy at college – the being with the not knowing. For me, this is a significant life lesson. I have a curious mind and a desire to understand things, its why i’ve done what i’ve done, to try and understand stuff and myself. Limerence has taught me that some things can’t be fully understood. Ill never fully know why i became limerent, why this particular LO, how LO really feels about me, what could have been, blah blah blah.
Im learning to let go of the need to know and have a better capacity to just sit with the not knowing. Meditation helps me with that. The gods may think they have the last laugh and yet I know i can now sit in the presence of LO and not feel the need to act out.
