I continue to revise this list based on my own and other's growing knowledge and experience.  That said, there is still a woeful lack of research on treatments for limerence.

This list is based on my own experience of healing from limerence, having read hundreds of other people's' stories and also from the many clients i've coached and counselled with limerence, addictions and attachment trauma. 

 

Latest update is February 2017

The one thing i can't stress more than anything is limerence is all about us. Our LO's are just catalysts. They are mirrors that show us our own difficulties in forming healthy relationships. There is no magical other, no quick fix through the emotional turmoil. If we leave our current relationship to be with LO, we take ourselves and all our emotional baggage with us and miss the opportunity of doing some really deep and important growth work.

Cut off all contact with your LO Going NC is  hard, but it's really important. Why? The main reason is that contact with LO stimulates your limerence. Contact with LO just re-energizes your emotional ties. By the way, if you slip up, just dust yourself off, forgive yourself and go back to your plan. Contact means every kind of contact. You'll do well to cut off all social media contact, too. No texting, no searching for pictures, etc. 

Get into psychotherapy Few therapists have heard of the term limerence, but most will be familiar with relational trauma and attachment wounds.  We need to explore these early life wounds and get reconnected to our feelings that we cut off from in early life. Therapy helps with this. 

Join a 12 step program. If there is a SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous)  group, even better   Im not totally sold on the ritualistically following of the steps themselves, however there is something very powerful and supportive in being amongst others that are struggling with similar issues. 

Consider relationship coaching / couples  counselling. Limerence often occurs when there are cracks in our primary relationship. Limerence is also a symptom  of relational trauma from early life attachment wounds. Jumping ship to a new relationship is not the answer for limerence. Better we invest our energy in how we relate to our partner and how they relate to us. Relationships take two to tango so hopefully your partner will aso commit to the process. 

Explore the dynamics of your Family of Origin. As mentioned above Limerence usually if not always stems from early life attachment trauma. Understanding the dynamics that were at play in your family whilst growing up will better help you see how these are replayed in your current relationships. 

Break the habit of thinking/obsessing/fantasizing about LO I'll hit the high points here, but this is a MAJOR part of dealing with limerence, so don't skip over it. Habits are all about triggers that stimulate an action which leads to a perceived reward. In the case of limerence, something (a trigger) will cause you to think of LO (the action) which will bring you pleasure (the reward) for a moment. First, identify as many as possible of the triggers that stimulate your obsessive thinking about LO. There will probably be a lot of them if you've been limerent for very long. For example, you may associate LO with a particular song. You need to stop listening to that song while you are limerent. The key is to take a way as many things that trigger your limerent thoughts. You may have to change some of your routines. For those triggers that you can't take away, you need to work at substituting another action to break the habit. I found that substituting another pleasurable thought or fantasy in place of thinking about LO sometimes worked. Breaking these habits is a long-term effort. It's not about being perfect, but just breaking down your habitual thinking about LO. There are two good books  that might help: "The Power of Habits" and "The Willpower Instinct." 

Resist the urge to disclose to LO For many of us disclosure becomes an all consuming thought. Im of the view that disclosure very rarely gives us the relief we are seeking. As limerence is all about us, we don't need LO's input into our healing work.  The only exception to this I would add is if your LO is your psychotherapist, but sadly my own experience and of others has been even in these situations, it seems few therapists have done the really deep work on their own attachment traumas and thus are poorly equipped to deal with the transference issues. 

Disclose to your SO If in a committed monogamous relationship, then I'd suggest this is an [i]ideal[/i] to aim for. I appreciate this is fraught with risk for some but if were really going to nurture our primary relationship, it needs to be built on honesty and trust. That means sharing difficult stuff. It may be you need some marriage counselling first.

Think of limerence as a creature- the limerbeast-that you are battling for control of your mind and emotions. The limerbeast is big and strong and living comfortably in your brain like a hookworm  so it's virtually impossible to fight it head-on. I found that the best way to fight it was by small acts of defiance, such as: distracting myself from thinking about LO for a few minutes, resisting the urge to text LO, not looking at her, etc--kind of mental guerilla warfare. I envisioned each little act of defiance putting a dart into the beast. You'll know when the dart goes in because the beast will react badly to the defiance. Over time those little darts take a toll on the beast and you can fight harder. It also makes fighting limerence a little more appealing because you have a tangible enemy to target.

You need some common sense rules to guide you when your limerent desire is really heated up.  One rule of thumb for me was: If I want to do something related to LO, it is usually a bad idea. If I don't want to do something related to LO, it is usually a good idea to do it. It's nice to have rules like that to fall back on when limerence skews your thinking and feelings. Limerence causes very, very strong emotions and your desires seem totally justified because they come from within and are so intense. 

Make a list of LO's flaws. Limerence literally rewrites history so only flaws in our SO and only the perfection in our LO. Our rational brain knows LO is not perfect, but our rational brain is pushed into a corner by all our intense emotions.  Give our rational brain a fighting chance to bring common sense back into play.  Look at it every now and then to remind yourself that LO is not a god, a madonna nor adonis. 

Read everything you can on limerence, love addiction, relationships There are some good reading lists on this forum. Knowledge is power. Take responsibility for your own healing. 

Use the people on this forum for advice, comfort, insight Reading and commenting on other people's limerence can give greater insight into your own limerence. 

Keep a journal of your feelings and experiences along the journey. It helps to note what works, what is hard, what you learn, etc.

Meditate and practice mindfulness Many report these centreing techniques have helped calm the mind. Being present in the hear and now takes us away from past hurts and future fantasies. As Fritz Perl's so eloquently stated - anxiety is the gap between now and the future

Don't make life changing decisions under the influence of limerence The neuro chemicals that are released in limerence are so potent that our thinking and judgement becomes completely distorted.  Wait until to fog has lifted. This will take months or more likely a few years. I wish it were quicker. Generally its not. 

Click here for an excellent article on healing from early life deprivation and faulty attachments.  I believe these are at the root of limerence and most other addictions: 

Comments   

+7 # Celia T. 2014-12-03 16:33
Thank you for this I was searching all over for what was going on in my head and then I discovered the term limerence and this list is awesome and will help me to have hope in the situation I am going through! Thanks for the post :)
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+5 # Barbara b. 2014-12-04 13:51
Thank you. It helps to know there are a lot of other people experiencing limerence. I stumble on this term when searching for answers to what I was feeling. It is more pain than pleasure. This site helps.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+4 # Nuve 2014-12-08 16:18
This site is very interesting. I came across and saw the many resources available. It's great to know I am not the only one who feels this way!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+3 # Miss thankful 2015-01-09 11:44
I'm so glad I found this. I now now I'm not crazy and hopefully I will be able to get over it. I was starting to think I would never be able to get rid of these feelings! think this needs to be promoted more.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
-1 # Allie M 2015-01-16 17:21
I think I'm going mad!!! I cannot get over someone, but I have to see him weekly. We talk daily by text but I know he just wants to be friends. I desperately want more than friends but I am married and so is he. I know he doesn't want anything more since we stopped things but I am beyond obsessed. I'm so confused!!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
-1 # Over It 2017-03-16 22:57
Hi Allie,

A lot of us are probably in the same boat. I have OCD and anxiety, and I KNOW that my feelings towards someone in particular are not rational, but that doesn't make them real. I think about this person probably 100 times a day. I HAVE to find a way to take control back in my life. If you read some of the above info it helps to make you think of this person as actually a "thing" that you need to get over, kind of like a sickness. I am going to seek some counseling and get some books to read to start.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # David 2015-01-16 17:29
Allie M, sorry to read of this. Best you post your story on the forum where others can help http://limerence.net/forum/index.php :-)
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+7 # Becky L 2015-02-04 18:57
This is so well written, so pragmatic, so compassionate. I sent my deep thanks.

From one vulnerable human to another
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Sarah K. 2015-02-12 05:06
This was great! I didn't realize until now that I've been using my LO to fill up the emptiness in my heart from past hurts. Every time I thought of him, I was in my "happy place". But, only momentarily because hell was sure to follow.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+7 # Jade Li 2015-02-18 19:22
Is there any RESEARCH MONEY going into limerence? I'm serial limerent, and as I age it's happening MORE (not less) often and lasts far too long. It was horrifying when a few years ago my LO was 30 yrs younger than I.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # David 2016-01-09 11:33
Nope and there is a woeful lack of awareness of limerence in the therapeutic community, hence me drive to set up the support forum.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+4 # mike 2015-02-25 12:46
good to know that there are others that feel the same way i do. I had no idea that there is a word for what i am feeling. I've been dealing with it for a while. I've been battling limerence for the past year and doing a good job at it. I cut off all contact with my LO and I am starting to feel like my old self again.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+2 # Andrea F 2015-02-26 03:01
I talked to this guy for quite some time and then was put in the friend zone out of nowhere. And now i can't get over him. I see him daily and we even have to walk to a few classes together so getting over or avoiding him is a hard thing to accomplish. I'm torn apart.. :sad: :oops:
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Zack 2015-03-01 19:39
Ok, So I am fifty, happily married and have been faithful since I met my wife in my teens. I started to work with someone two years ago and I am in real difficulty. I know the condition to be Limerence, but at first I was just utterly confused. I'm about 18 months in and I really need to escape the emotional roller coaster. My dear wife needs my full attention and support. My fundamental problem is that whilst I want to kill the limerent obsession, I dearly want to remain friends with the other party. They have their own relationship issues and I think the reason this may have started was because they were fragile and needed a friend, Is it possible for me to escape the limerence but maintain a healthy and positive friendship?
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # David 2015-03-01 21:27
Zack, chances are limited. Sounds like you want to rescue her. Is that your job?

Plenty of help and advice on the main forum
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+6 # bee 2015-03-16 17:11
Wow reading this article woke me up!! I have been suffering this for 14 years!!!! I don't see him often , we even live on different continent but i still suffer!! when i forget him for a while its like there is a string that pulls me back!! now I'm determined to heal myself...Now I'm thinking that I was /not in love Im ill!!!!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+3 # justine 2015-03-20 19:13
Ah, I'm so glad I found this ! Man I'm going to do everything to get back to my old-self, I'm concient that my behaviour isn't normal since a couple of weeks but I think I just wouldn't admit it ... Well, let's get healing !
I am not staying like this any longer !
Thank you soooooo much !
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Alain 2015-04-12 16:31
I am and have suffered from Limerence quite severely on several occasions.

Cani strongly suggest people down Ekhart Tolles the Power of Now and listen to the chapter on the Pain Body.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Lisa 2015-04-16 02:10
For a very long time I have been dealing with this condition. My friends and family thought I was crazy that I could be so heartbroken after a guy. Right now, I'm getting over ANOTHER guy. This one is the hardest so far. I'm having insomnia, I can't eat or even drink water, I'm trying to positively condition myself. I'm really worried and I keep talking to friends but... It's just so difficult. Is there any way to cure this nausea? I feel so weak. :sigh:
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+2 # Ellen 2015-05-11 04:22
It's been a 4 year nightmare. I hated feeling the way I did about this person. We worked together so was difficult to avoid him. A few months ago before I ever heard the term limerence, I knew I had to remove myself from the situation. so I got another job. It has been a struggle. But today I came across this concept of limerence online. What a relief. Already I am beginning to feel free again. I'm hopeful. I'm getting myself back. Never want this to happen again.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+6 # Lea 2015-05-14 22:52
I figured out I was limerent about 8 months into a flirting relationship that was literally driving me crazy (I was married and he has a gf). I went through divorce knowing my needs weren't being met, and tried to just be friends with my LO for over six additional months, but it only made me crazier. I finally cut off ALL communication with my LO, and feel so much freer. I still have fleeting thoughts of him, want to revisit music we shared, etc., but it's becoming much easier to move on without the constant reminders and conversations with him.

I am 54 years old, this hit me like lightning out of the blue, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. He got under my skin and into my psyche unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+4 # Clau 2015-05-31 22:45
I've been in this state for one year. I'm a 29 year- old girl, married, and my LO Is a 19 year-old guy. We met online and never met in real life. I've cried a lot feeling guilty, obsessed, with low self-steam and totally possessed by this uncontrollable though. Why did I become limerant with this guy? I hated my marriage, hated myself because I felt too old to deserve him.... It was terribly crazy. He corresponded me and also rejected me, so I suppose this last thing increased my pathology. Finally, after all this time I could have a moment of brightness and understood that I deeply love my husband. This though has helped me to move on and focus on my marriage. The strong love for my husband and his sweet treatment have given me energy to go through this situation and to heal my mind.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+3 # Ammo 2015-06-11 20:15
:-? I'm just now hearing about Limerence but I've experienced it several times since I was a child. My current LO is a coworker of my (one of my managers and friends).
I have two issues. One, I work with him and I see him on a regular basis, so avoiding him is very hard. I don't want to quit my job, I love the work I do there and I love my other coworkers!

Secondly, I told him about my upcoming 18th birthday and he said he wants to attend my party. I already invited him before I knew about Limerence and I now think it may be a bad idea as it would be an ultimate high for me in my Limerence. I want to sleep with him or cuddle or have feelings reciprocated but I know better to do that. I don't want to uninvite him though, it would be so rude dice he seems to be excite for it.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+6 # Rick 2015-06-26 02:24
I am married to a woman who is afflicted with this condition, and we have just spoken about this today. At first I was shocked and confused, and frankly quite angry. It took a while, lots of shouting and talking, and screaming, and talking. Finally, after perhaps 3-4 hours of this back and forth and confusion, I was able to hear her. This condition is terrible. I have no doubt it exists, and it explains sooo much that has happened between us over the last year. I find myself yearning for her to have confided in me before all this, so that perhaps we could of navigated this together, but she was fear gripped about my reaction, which I can fully understand. So here we are, a year into this mess, with many visits to the E.R. for sleep deprivation, depression, and medication, all so she could avoid the shame this condition brought to her. My advice? If you have a SO, you need to disclose this. If they care anything for you, they will help, as I am doing so now for my wife.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Jennifer 2015-07-22 14:54
I'm in recovery from a limerent episode that began 3 years ago when my H and I were too busy for each other and distant. It was someone online, who I cyber-stalked. I idealized this man I never met, who only knew of me because he sold items that could be ordered online. I was curious about him because he seemed so nice in his correspondence- I looked him up on FB and found out he was extremely cute, a little younger than me, but married to a woman who was the exact same age as me (older than him) and they had one child. I went digging and even found out his address. This is horrible but I even looked at his house on Google Maps. Total obsessive crush. In the last year, I have banned myself from looking my extramarital crush- forever! I still have him in my heart and have written sappy poems about how I 'loved' him. In reality it was limerence, an idealization. I am working on improving my marriage now. It is a slow recovery.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+4 # Nina 2015-07-27 09:50
I am only 16 years old and have limerence. Its been 5 years. I met my LO in 6th grade. And ever since been so obsessed. Back then i had such intense feelings i mean i still do but i couldnt control it back then so i acted out and scared him away. He thinks of me as his stalker which sucks and its been 5 years and he will never see me differently. Each year i controlled myself around him more but for three years i acted so crazy. I am still overwhelmed around him tho. But its just to great of a feeling to let go of. It gives me a high. And even thinking about him makes me feel good. But it does make me upset because its not reciprocated. And he has a girlfriend now. But even so i still wanna see him. Im still in highschool and still have to see him. No one understand me and my problem. Its too intense and deep i cant control it and my friends thinks its like so stupid and a limerence is a joke. My friends get annoyed with me talking about him but i really need to talk about it. Help.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # James 2015-08-12 22:36
:sad:
2nd LO in 8 months. First was a lomg standing friend. She cares for me deeply but we decided not to progress to physical. It hurt, invaded everything, I withdrew from marriage further. Latest one is a girl that was meant to be getting married. She got dumped 4 weeks prior. I just had to care and sort out. £8k later. After promises - just lies and empty I love yous...completely obsessed ,.moment of clarity. Hate it. Must take control
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Maya 2015-08-16 07:43
[quote name="Nina"]

If theres any way we can get in contact please let me know! I have the exact same problem like no joke.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # David 2015-08-16 07:47
Maya, plenty of help on the main forum and you can also try the contact page, thats where contact details generally are
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+4 # John 2015-08-27 00:27
9 months and 44 pound lost in limerence . I can't stop ,, after reading this column a few month ago, it was me in the throes if limerence.. It's the worst feeling ever. Problem is I want to get out of it but I feel I have to stay in it.. It's the only thing that keeps me going ,, the hopes that probably won't materialize etc.. Anyone feel the same?
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Mikey_3 2016-08-30 07:15
Hi, I wonder if you have been able to get over your LO? I have had exact symtoms as you describe and actually been led to think that this man is my twin flame, soul connection. It's sick, and if you try to fight it you kind of get this signs/syncronicities everywhere. In spiritual world, they say that there is no escape, we are forever bonded, but I really can't live with this the rest of my life. There is "hope" that we are meant to be when I know that we are not compatible, due the age difference, beliefs and other life/personal issues. I have good days and very very bad days. I cling to my "bible", The Power of Now, in hope to be cured. The worst thing is that telephatic connection that we share that is unexplainable with rational thoughts. I am not sure if I will ever be able to cut this bond. It has been two and a half intense years...Hope it gets better.
Wish u well.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Sal 2016-11-06 00:21
Hi Mikey, I went to see a psychic about my LO as I also felt there is something spiritual going on. My LO and I have shared a few past lives together. However, my angels advised me (through the psychic) not to confuse Limerance with true love. We are part of the same soul group here to learn relationship skills and empathy. My angels advised lo is not for me in this lifetime. We are learning skills that will prepare us to have a loving relationship in the next life. The psychic did an energetic cord cutting prayer and advised to avoid eye contact with lo in order to protect myself because lo feeds off my attention and likes that he has a hold over me.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Sarah 2017-05-26 11:09
Sal,
That's so interesting. I am convinced my LO and I are from the same soul group but it is not the right lifetime for us. I am very spiritual though have never pursued reaching out to advisors, etc. Thanks for this info.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # David 2017-05-26 11:52
Quoting Sarah:
Sal,
That's so interesting. I am convinced my LO and I are from the same soul group but it is not the right lifetime for us. I am very spiritual though have never pursued reaching out to advisors, etc. Thanks for this info.


More likely wound mates. Soul mates is rare if ever the connection. Its a mirroring of early life wounds
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # fia 2015-09-21 16:32
i am 21 n i have limerence for my best frnd in uni.. i dont know how to deal with it, as much as i try i go more deep in the feeling i am so hurt becz he is not talking to me at all once he was my best frnd n now he is like i dnt even exist i have to see him everyday i am going through hell, for record he once proposed me but i said no we stopped talking for a while but then he became normal again with me but now things are changed again i told him that i am suffering from condition i dnt knw its love or what but i just cant be happy when u r nor around n etc he said its ok take your time i will be here but aftr 2 days when i texted him again he was all changed he didnt respond me well n didnt text me by himself once i was apple of his eye n now m nothing to him i can not live like this i feel like to quit the university i am so weak n tired plz help me tell me a way out from all this situation........plz asap
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+2 # Anonymous 2015-09-22 07:12
I have been in extreme limerence for 2 years and i have been able to get out of it. It felt like i ll die but trust me you wont die of it. You need to find someone who's there for you always. stop chasing him
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Blonde 2015-10-08 07:50
I've been searching for what is wrong with me. 4 years ago I met a girl. She was straight. But over time I turned her to my side. We had an on off affair I was in a relationship. And I was crazy about her. Like a drug. Then it needed. We work together and are still mates but 4 years later and I can't stop changing my rota to match hers, going for scheduled breaks with her. Getting jealous at ever boy she talks too, thinking about her 24 /7 I've never wanted anything so badly in my life. I thought I was obsessive but I am a rational person that around her becomes irrational. I know I'm not crazy.. Then is stumbled accross -"limerence" it sounds as if it fits my description. I just want to get her out of my head. It's brought me to the lowest and highest places.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Alsoblonde 2016-01-09 11:28
This whole quote could have been written by me. I feel what you're going through.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # No friend 2015-10-15 01:28
Do not try to be "friends" with the LO. It is simply a rationalization and will not resolve the symptoms, but will rather make them worse. If you work with an LO, that poses a serious problem as the best way to defeat limerent desires is to end any and all contact with the LO and any cues ie. photographs, cell phone number, etc.. Good luck.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+3 # Sienna 2015-10-18 14:45
I'm in love with me FWB and I told him so a week ago and he told me to find someone else and that he hoped to see me once I was over it (like I had a sickness or something). I miss him terribly and my heart, mind and body yearn to go to him. I need to hug him so bad. But I realize this is pointless and won't go anywhere and that he doesn't love me back. It's just painful and hard. I would really appreciate some help.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Bruno 2015-10-30 20:00
I've been "in love" for 27 years for the same LO. I am not proud about it because I would like so much to have it finished and to be able to live a reciprocated relationship with somebody (this however happened for two years and went stopped by a resurgence). One aspect which is difficult is that you cannot really talk about it with friends. They see that you're under heavy stress from time to time and if you talk to the closest ones, they don't really understand.
It is said in the article that no life changing decisions have to be taken, but of course in 27 years, it's impossible. I've choosen a late career with the hope of being admired and the half comfort of being far away (Iwork abroad), but I´ve just experienced a period of high tension followed by decompensation and I have decided to leave my job and come back (and I'm quite afraid about it). I've been living the last ten years just nowhere suspending my life when I have to face it. I'm coming back . What'll happen?
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Toni 2015-11-22 01:42
:-| I'm the type of girl to start a new limerence as soon as i find someone new to care about. I honestly hate it. It develops throughout the relationship but amplifies when things are broken off, mainly by my significant other. I believe it's triggered by loneliness as i start to miss having them around. My latest victim is a friend of mine and we were involved for about two weeks were things got swiftly heated. He broke things off when he'd had enough of me and i haven't been able to let go since. I even got drunk in front of him and made a fool of myself :sad:. I've tried texting and messaging him and he refuses to respond to me. I've continually stalked him on social media (yes, unhealthy) but i really want to stop this habit before it gets the best of me. Help me, please i beg.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Ssteve 2015-11-23 19:58
I was in a mutual destructive limerence relationship with a girl I work with for the last 6 months. It happened to both of us very fast, within 2 days. We are both very jealous of each other and we have both tried to get out of it numerous times but failed. The longest we ever got along is 4 days before having a fight over one thing or another where we end up not speaking. Then always we makeup and the cycle starts all over again.

She started getting very friendly with another guy at work and one morning she walked in with him after picking him up at his house and giving him a ride. Needless to say this hurt me very badly and she knew it. I broke the connection and she tried many times to makeup. I would not. She now avoids the guy when I am around in an effort reconcile with me but I know the are still seeing each other

It was just what I needed to finally end this nightmare relationship. .
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Steve 2015-11-23 20:39
Just to add to my last post I have had to control myself around this guy while acting business polite to my limerent. This has been very difficult. He now sees me as a rival for her. I hate that she has put me in this position but more than that I hate myself for allowing it to happen.

I have to see her 5 times a week which makes things even more difficult. Words of advice never, ever get involved in this type of thing at work. If you find it happening don't walk but run away. You don't know misery like this and I hope you never make the same mistake as me .You will regret it.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Byte-Tech3 2015-12-20 14:43
Quoting John:
9 months and 44 pound lost in limerence . I can't stop ,, after reading this column a few month ago, it was me in the throes if limerence.. It's the worst feeling ever. Problem is I want to get out of it but I feel I have to stay in it.. It's the only thing that keeps me going ,, the hopes that probably won't materialize etc.. Anyone feel the same?


Yes. Exactly. Three months and counting... But if I let go, that would mean the slim (nonexistent) chance that G. Might one day relent and tumble into my arms will never come to pass. Of course it won't either way, but I don't want o face that. And so I'm exquisitely miserable.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Michael 2015-12-29 09:11
I am in a serious relationship. We live together and share finances and are doing pretty well together. But, I long for a sexual desire that is not being filled. We were at a mall the other day, when this lady was giving me a pedicure (SO sitting right next to me) she was undoubtedly the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. I love my girlfriend, I really do but there are needs that are just left on the counter. This lady has taken over my entire thought process. I can't get her out of my head. I have searched infatuation, limerent, all sorts of things but I still want to throw it all away just for this one time feeling. Am I not ready to settle? What the hell is wrong with me?
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Suffering 2016-01-09 18:45
Long distance and mutually limerant relationship where I have it much worse than him. We are both married and have both ended it numerous numerous times. For the first year it was physical. The subsequent year, I only saw him once per his choice.
Now I'm just empty, still in love and only his fleeting text messages bring me joy. I hate myself and the situation and want to be out of it so bad. Four days of absence and we run to each other and the cycle begins again.
We have NOTHING in common and I cannot make sense as to what my attraction is to him. He's everything and nothing to me all at once. He is my second Limerence relationship and was a rebound from the previous one.

The thought of him NOT being in my life scared me to death. My fantasy of him far outweighs the reality and yet I still long for him like food, shelter and air. It's unhealthy and I know the way out but the fear of not having him trumps the good I know will come from him being gone.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Shane 2016-02-24 11:04
Married with 2 gorgeous kids and loving wife but one where I always felt perhaps the "spark" has been missing. Has been 3 women now in 5 or so years who have come into my life. Find myself not present in the relationship at times, sinking deep into depression as I thought of the others. I try general avoidance etc but generally crack after a month or so, looking at Facebook etc which sends me to indescribable lows. I am now trying medication - blockers or something as this could be related to OCD and lack of serotonin. Proud type and of course I hate doing that. I told my wife I have thoughts of others but she doesn't know the full extent - ie it can cloak every waking moment. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets sick of it soon, I know I am....tricky thing is knowing how much is limerence covering up from other issues. When is enough enough. Should you be in a relationship where u are not drawn this way. Or should you suck it up for 20 years for the kids...
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Dora 2016-03-02 17:07
I am married and have been "in love" with another man for almost two years. My husband is a sweet man, but sometimes lacks ambition and can be a couch potato. But he truly loves me. (This other man, I'm not so sure.)
When I look into his eyes I feel intoxicated and his friendly hugs weaken me.
lI cut off contact for a while, and just when I started feeling like my old self, he pulled me back in. I know he has feelings for me too. Emotionally I've lost myself. I think about him 24 hours a day. The depression is killing me. I feel lost, wounded, alone. Can't talk to anybody. Feel like I wanna die. The limerant highs are so great, but the lows are Soooo bad. I feel sick to my stomach. Can't tell my hubby and can't afford therapy. I am frightened, and still in the back of my mind think that me and LO can run off into the sunset together one day!? wtf? Crazy!! I hate myself for letting it get to this.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Steph 2016-05-15 19:51
I know the way you are feeling... Currently in low.. Nothing could make me happy except contact with my LO. Would like to exchange thoughts? Possibly help each other out through this?
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Max 2016-05-13 14:45
Am really glad that I finally found an Awesome site with some people that are suffering the same symptoms as I do. I used to be friend with a girl in college. Somehow I felt into limerence and thoses feeling were growing stronger for her. The only problem was that she is a lesbian. she used to posts some things about lesbian on facebook that's how I knew. We were good friend and that thing was killing me because my limerence was growing stronger. I had some up and down. I even had some suicidal thought. Therefore I stop seeing her and stop going on my facebook. The only problem now is that I got those fantasies about her. It still there and it's like if I can't control my thought. Anyway that's my story.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Steph 2016-05-15 20:16
Facebook has been my enemy with my LO I actually had to delete my account. The weird thing with limerence is that it comes on so rapidly and with the most different people that I couldn't imagine myself with?? The challenge is what I got obsessed with then the rejection of it was constantly on my mind. I'm normally a very smart decision making person.. I also have a masters degree . Just saying ... It can really tear a person apart... Idk I hope my words are helping someone.. It's good to know we all aren't alone. I had a LO 2 years ago and the only reason I stopped obsessing about him was because I found another LO to pine over... Wish there were a better way to deal with this..
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Kat 2016-06-24 14:55
I met my LO about 8 years ago when in the midst of a 15 year traumatic marriage. I had never had feelings or even a slight attraction to another during the marriage- but suddenly found my every thought consumed with fantasies. My LO was attracted to me, flirted, even encouraged me to have a sexual encounter- but I couldn't do it. Proximity took its toll on me mentally and when I moved for work- I thought it would end that I would be free...but it only got more twisted and torchurous inside my head. 2 yrs->we started com thru FB- I revealed my feelings to him. I also told my then husband. My LO promised he shared my feelings and when I left my then husband we would be together. The shame and guilt I felt was so heavy that I felt I had to leave. Long story short- it never happened. My LO abandoned me at the brink of "what if"...The highs and lows of the reciprocation left me shattered. I have since remarried but find myself dreaming and thinking of my LO still to this day.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Astrid 2016-07-20 05:31
I am so glad I found the term limerence and this site. I've been dealing with these issues for years, going through various "crushes" and never understanding why they seemed to hurt me so much. People I only "crushed" on broke my heart over and over. I tried therapy for codependency, but it didn't work. The symptoms didn't seem to match with mine. With limerence, everything FITS. I've recently been going through this again, crushing on a male friend. It makes no sense, we've been friends for over a year and then maybe a month ago it was just like BAM. I know that it's ridiculous, because all of a sudden I was "in love" and going through all THOSE symptoms (not hungry, can't sleep, anxious). FOR NO REASON. And unfortunately, we're in the same graduate program, so I can't just get away from him. Hopefully these tips will help, because I feel on the verge of destroying my current relationship for the mere HOPE of something IRRATIONAL.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # david 2016-07-20 06:10
Welcome Astrid and glad you at last have put a name to your feelings. Lots of like minded souls here that can relate and support you.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Pipper c. 2016-08-15 11:48
SOS HELP I don't know I have Limerence for real but I would like some input so me and his guy started having sex around 3-4 years ago. Through all this I became very attached we didn't just ha sex we often had deep convos (I like to think) anyways we are no longer having sex well trying not to we still communicate here and there to have sexy but I aboaultley love him. I would do anything we talked about a relationship before but he said we were to much alike it wouldn't work. I don't know if that's true or he just didn't like me like that anyways I can't date anyone I recently left my boyfriend because I couldn't stop thinking about him and I didn't wanna cheat on my boyfriend if the opportunity ever came again. I want this habit to be gone.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+2 # Tina 2016-08-17 05:46
I have this limerance problem. Its so dumb. He us married and several years older. We work together. Its a big crush. He use to talk more but Noe he avoids me. Probably sensed my weirdness. I think of him a lot. Its quite miserable its like having a cold that won't go away. I truly believe its a mental disorder caused by something missing in my life :(
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Melere 2016-08-20 23:57
Thank you so much for this article. I've been suffering from episode after episode of limerence for years, only having recently discovered the term, but having avoided situations that put me in a limerent state for a couple of years now. Usually, I'd give in eventually just to feel some semblance of relief from the constant tug-of-war, but this recent bout was "enough is enough." I realized that, although I've been doing well with other personal issues, this was one area yet untouched as I've never had a relationship at 23, and something needs to change with my self-esteem and fear of intimacy. It's really comforting to know there are other people out there riding the same rollercoaster. Good luck to you all.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # JC 2016-08-28 04:19
Jeez. This feels great and terrible all at the same time, great to know others go through this, terrible that I've kind of unknowingly been going through it for my whole 45 year life (well, at least since turning 12). My current problem is a little different - I've been tenderly but imperfectly married for 22 years, and for about 18 mos have been obsessed with a woman -- the mom of my 9-year-old's best friend. Not easy! I think she likes me in a garden-variety way ("Ben's dad is such a nice guy!) but I know we won't be leaving our families to be together or anything. A similar situation 12 years ago with a co-worker almost wrecked my marriage and I had to change jobs - and unfortunately, coming clean with my wife doesn't seem like an option. I've set up little intimacies with her, of course, and am massively sexually attracted to her - it feels more like love than the prior one, but who knows! Hopefully the "3 years" span I read about is legit ... only 18 mos to go before recovery?!?!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Rachel 2016-09-09 12:20
I have just come across this term it makes earthly sense to this new age terminology called twin flame . I was in a three year relationship that went insanely wrong Co dependant stuff domestic violence and yet I still think of her . I have gone no contact cut off all ties I can't be in a relationship like this
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Veronica 2016-09-26 00:39
Thank you so much everyone. After a horrible episode tonight where my LO told me in no uncertain terms that he doesn't want to see me again, I'm so relieved to be able to relate to all of this. This guy I am absolutely infatuated wit and have been for over a year. He has done awful things and I am so desperate and dependent on him I would nearly accept anything just to be with him. I feel deep shame and anxiety all the time. He has always maintained not wanting a "serious relationship" but yet his actions scream love. When we're together. I put him on this pedestal and convinced myself he would come around. When he rejectes me I feel utterly heart broken, alone and lost. Completely lost. I now have so much hope xx
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Claire 2016-10-01 22:02
I've been searching for years to put a name to what I have been feeling. However I'm slightly different in that my LO have been people in the public eye. This last guy I have been infatuated with has lasted for 6 years. I feel like there is no way out. Every time I read something about
Him I feel suicidal. I don't know why I can't just forget him. I often think of suicide and ending it. Do I suffer from limerance? Or am I going through something else. I am 40 now and these infatuations have been happening since I was 10.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Joanne 2016-10-04 01:10
So glad to find this, thanks. I guess my Tribe profile on Limeeence forum is gone. I'm in an online love/limerence "relationship" which has been one-sided for several years. I was too shy to communicate much but finally did, then the limerence kicked in overtime. It is quite embarrassing as normal limerence is with a real person face to face. But the longing, the obsessive thoughts, the constant checking online to see if he's on are all the same. In some ways more intense. Words are quite often more valuable than a personal encounter, as they come from the heart, they speak volumes. Anyway it goes though, limerence is hell. I found this place while searching for another. I took a break today from my wonderful LO. I hope I can last through the night.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Alexis 2016-10-07 04:32
Hello. I just learned of the term limerence today. I've never been able to put what I'm feeling into words. But this is a about as close as I believe it will get. I'm still not sure if I am limerent I suppose. I don't fully understand but would love to have someone to talk to me and tell me what they think about my situation. So for a little run down, I'm 18 female senior in high school. Since the end of my freshman year I had been on and off with a boy two years older. Then we finally dated some of my sophomore year and that whole summer following. We were MADLY in love. But he left for college. I was bad without him, and although it has gotten better since then it's still now okWe have been broken up over a year now. He is still in my head all the time, no more than maybe 5 minutes goes by without thinking of him. Everything reminds me of him. I feel the need to always see social media to know how he is. I do drive bys of his house. Much more. Do you think this is love or limerence?
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Diana 2016-10-11 06:31
wow! what a relief to know about this! I thought I was completely crazy! I have been infatuated with this woman my cousin introduced me to on Facebook. I liked her instantly, like way too much. I became obsessed with meeting her in person and have orchestrated 2 trips in 2 years to visit my cousin in another state, just so I could meet this woman (not that she knew she was the focus of my trips). When we met I didn't connect with her as I'd hoped, (how could she live up to my endless hours of fantasies anyway), but I couldn't let go of the desire to do so. I obsessively check her Facebook feed and look at pictures of her. She posts a lot of music and other things I like, so it seems natural I'd want to connect with her. We PM occasionally but I compulsively re-read our conversations and worry what I should have said, worry if she can't tell I like her, wondering if we're actually connecting, re-living the conversation by re-reading it....
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Diana 2016-10-11 06:31
I frequently fantasize about her even though I don't truly know her that well. I don't even know what her laugh sounds like, and yet can spend an entire day lost in a reverie about her. It is ridiculous… some days I actually feel impaired by it. And she's not the first, I realize this has been happening since i was probably 12. I am 46 now….wow!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Alex 2016-10-16 15:54
Never even knew there was a word for this, but it was the reason I looked for a psychiatrist. The first meeting felt like not much was accomplished, but since then, I've found out what limerence was and now I have something to hone in on in therapy.

When I looked back, I realised that Ive been limerent my whole life. I want to get better because I want to be able to find someone that I truly love, but because of my limerence, Im afraid to try anything with anyone. I dont want to lose my mind and in turn lose them.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Kate 2016-12-04 00:09
Recent LO. Never thought about him until he started acting weird, like he really wants me. So it's the idea of sex with him that has brought on this anxiety. Feeling like I really want it but it's such a bad idea. I'm in a relationship and he's a co-worker who I respect. I didn't attend a work function because I wanted to avoid him and I feel like if he was even half aware, and not in denial, he would recognise my behaviour.
So in this case the anxiety comes from both really wanting the sex and wanting him to stop this. Also I half expect that he is deliberately doing this to mess with me, but that's so hateful and unlikely.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Katie 2016-12-04 15:42
I need help. You see I'm not the one that's limerent. My boyfriend is, and it's not with me. It's not sexual and it's not for love, he wants to be friends with this girl but there's a huge problem, it's my best friend, and my cousin. They were friends for a couple months before me and him started dating, but they never had closure when they stopped being friends or at least he didn't. She doesn't care about him at all anymore and hasn't thought about him at all since they stopped talking and me and him started dating 6 years ago. Now more than lately, me and him have been kinda fighting and he's been upset a lot and come to find out it's because of her. This makes me feel inferior and terrible like I'm not good enough because I'm dating someone that has intrusive thoughts of someone else that makes him upset. I should be his limerent object.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # michelle 2016-12-20 15:47
My question is....If it feels so wonderful to be in and other person wants the relationship with you why not? And if contact with the other person fuels your limerence it sounds like you will be in love forever. (I am coming from the other side. My spouse is in limerence with a co-worker and this is what I am dealing with. I will be filing for divorce soon because I have been on this rollercoaster for a year and I'm done)
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Th 2016-12-29 01:04
Thank you so much for this article, you have helped change my life. I read and re-read your article multiple times. I didn't realize that there are support groups out there (SLAA). My city has a few meetings; I am planning on joining one.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Hunter 2017-01-12 05:30
Hi guys I have experienced limerence before and it slowly starved because the LO transferred job locations. Now I have identified limerent feelings that are taking shape with someone else but my wife is helping me through it, I also had to tell her asap before things manifested itself. I hope you all find a inner place of peace in mind. I definitely do have the addiction for that dopamine hit though.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Confused 2017-01-29 18:07
Like many of you...I am just figuring out that I may be in limerence with a couple worker. I am married and he is in a long term relationship...engaged, I believe. Worked together for 2 years now....over this past summer started flirting heavily via i.m. and then texting. Sent each other pictures and eventually videos until we finally arranged to meet up. We have had 3 encounters in September, November and finally December. While I know I don't have actual feelings for him...I just cannot get him out of my mind. I am almost positive that I only like him for physical reasons...I certainly don't want to be with him..and I dont want to leave my husband. I just want him to want me as badly as I want him.. I am desperately trying to stop texting him but it's so hard. I have no one to talk to a out this in real life so it feels good to get it off my chest. I know everything about this is wrong....but I cannot help it
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Anonymous 2017-02-12 09:50
I'm not sure how I even got into this mess . Was happily married and in love for over 10 years . Last 4 months I have fallen in "love" so what I believed 3 times until I discovered limerene. There is no solution to it but to bear the heart ache . I know I'm hurt and I know I'm hurting my husband too by keeping him in the dark . I have no clue how to get out of it and no amount of reading about it or forums are helping me . I've also tried counselling and I have dear friends to talk to ..but heart pain , restlessness , loss of appetite and sleep is overwhelming. I wish there was a cure but there ain't. It's like I'm on the look out for true passionate love which does not exist.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Freddy F 2017-02-18 16:00
I've just come across the term Limerence and its exactly whats happening to me for 15 months. It's with a colleague who I initially was not drawn to, but she became very flirtatious wearing revealing clothing even though she knows that I'm married and she has a longterm partner..I started to fantasize/dream about her and I got the sense she knew this and enjoyed it demonstrating some narcissist qualities. We worked in an office together & it was very intimate so I decided to leave the office first opportunity I got, she reacted badly to this & in one act was very forward coming onto me but still waited for me to make the 1st move, which thankfully I did not. I withdrew from her but once again we were moved into the same office this time with more people & I thought things had improved but we still have to work together on projects & she still haunts my thoughts which (not as much as previous) is driving me mad, plus I do still sexually fantatize about her, what should I do
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # David 2017-02-18 17:28
better post your question on the main forum - lots of help there
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # SadEyes 2017-03-02 20:11
Having read this great article I realise that limerance is what I've been (and still am) suffering from, and it's like constant torture. The overthinking, obsessive, analysing thoughts, playing over in my head like a stuck record - it's exhausting and debilitating:( Wanting someone who I know i can't have and who has no idea how I feel, is just plain horrible. It seems more common than I thought though, so glad I'm not alone.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Me 2017-03-11 21:09
I'm just winging it. :-*
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Simon 2017-04-01 04:27
Entered a limerent state about 4 years ago after becoming semi retired.It is torture. Writing this in the wee hours because I can'tell sleep. Worried that I'may too old to recover, that I don'the have that much life left. Also feel ashamed of my emotions.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Marissa 2017-04-02 17:00
Today I feel like my life is going to finally change. I can finally give a name to all of this! I have been suffering of limerence since I can remember. I go from one LO to the next one, and I know each time when this is about to happen. I usually try to walk away from these situations, but sometimes it is just to difficult. Now it's happening again with my flatmate and I struggle more and more every day. I am moving out the flat in a couple of months. But this time I need to go to the bottom of the problem. Thank you David for creating this website. And thank you to everyone for sharing their pain.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Marco 2017-04-17 22:18
Hi, after the strongest ever limerence fuelled roller coaster in February, I started doing some research and found this site, which is of great help. I would like to share that in a ted talk from Helen Fischer (easily googled) she describes the three systems in the brain that govern our search for partners: attachment, love (romantic love, limerence) and sex drive (lust). These can be aligned or misaligned... so we can love more than one person at once. However, this helped but did not fix me. I partially transformed my feelings for my LO (co-worker) to other women, but it is not a quick process. My objective is to fully transfer the feelings to someone else, that I don't need to see often.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
-1 # Pam 2017-04-20 02:49
Is it love or limerence?
I met someone 30yrs ago when I was 18 and still a virgin. He was much older and we hung out for a couple years until I move away to transfer to another college. He got
married then divorced & contacted me 10yrs later. I lived in another state and was two years into my own marriage
We became friendly fast, and I had to stop seeing/ contacting him. 20yrs later I am friends with his sibling and was told he was sick, all these feelings came up and
we have been in contact again. He has feelings for me and I have had limerant feelings for him for over a year now. Hopefully I can get another 20 year reprieve in the near future since we are both married with families. Any comments are welcome....
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
+1 # Alvielda 2017-05-06 05:06
I start experiencing recurrent seizures with intensified anxiety and panic attacks around early 2016. MRI and EEG normal so its not really possible for it to be epilepsy. I have been reading stuff on mental illness just to know what havoc i am in. Limerence really fits my description. All these chaos starts showing up when i am deeply in love in my LO and its obviously unrequited. I have obsessive thoughts of him and it create great amount of stress.
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote
0 # Anna 2017-05-24 16:58
So, just today I realized how bad it was, I have intense feelings for my friend,I think he likes me but he is invading my thoughts all the time. It is impacting my workperformance. All though I try to avoid all social media of him, I still chat with him every other day and we share basically all the same hobbies... Which makes it really hard to control my thoughts. My really shitty strategy is to fall in love with as many I can so I can remain the funny chill good friend. I really want to kill off these feelings, I have had limberance for my friend for over two years. And I have a longterm relationship for 8,5 years... I really want to feel well enough to propose, but my very intrusive feelings for my friend keeps me from it. My boyfriend knows nothing, it feels like I am cheating, although I have never done anything. Please help me!
Reply | Reply with quote | Quote

Add comment

Security code
Refresh