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Sticky: 12 things love is and 12 things limerence is

Discussion about the way back.
Limmed_Out
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Re: Sticky: 12 things love is and 12 things limerence is

Post by Limmed_Out » Wed Mar 28, 2018 7:59 pm

David wrote:
Wed Jun 10, 2015 10:31 am


What Love is NOT (and what limerence is)

1. Love is not an emotion (limerence is an emotion)
This is easy to see when you think about the fact that love is long-lasting and emotions come and go quickly. The truth is love brings forth many rich and varied emotions including emotions called feeling loved, lovable, and loving which may be why the natural force called ‘Love’ gets confused with emotions.
I agree in principle with this statement (i.e. love requires/leads to generative action), however, I'm wondering what it means then when we say to someone, "I love you". Are we saying, in effect, "I have affection for you which leads me to act in your best interest as far as I am able"? Are we saying simply, "I choose to act in your best interest as far as I am able"? It seems to me that love must contain some degree of affect/emotion/will/desire to help.

I really want to convince myself that my feelings for LO are all unhealthy limerence, but I'm afraid that part of them is love in some sense.
To disclose or not to disclose, that is the question...whether 'tis nobler in the mind to bear the slings and arrows of outrageous limerence, or by taking up arms and revealing, PERHAPS end them...

Thus limerence doth make maniacs of us all. :-@

Maddie
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Re: Sticky: 12 things love is and 12 things limerence is

Post by Maddie » Thu Mar 29, 2018 10:15 pm

Love this, David. Thanks
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LO, 50 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

Matty5000
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Re: Sticky: 12 things love is and 12 things limerence is

Post by Matty5000 » Thu Mar 29, 2018 11:05 pm

To me Love is a willingness to sacrifice. Unconditional. Pure selflessness.
Limerence is pure Selfishness. Give ME reciprocation. Give ME attention. Give ME what I project onto you.
Other people make excellent mirrors.
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LisaTranscending
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Re: Sticky: 12 things love is and 12 things limerence is

Post by LisaTranscending » Thu Mar 29, 2018 11:07 pm

in that description one could say that love is not one single emotion, but a general feeling of well-being that starts in the heart of one, and like a ripple in a quiet pond of goodness, extends outward to all (which would include an LO). being afraid to acknowledge tender feelings for an LO perhaps is a form of repression?

Limmed_Out
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Re: Sticky: 12 things love is and 12 things limerence is

Post by Limmed_Out » Fri Mar 30, 2018 6:38 pm

Exactly, Lisa. I think that's a big part of the torture, not being able to [fully] disclose and hopefully give some kind of blessing/affirmation to the LO regardless of their feelings towards you. Is all love narcissistic in origin...i.e. the fact that I felt good when my mom told me she loved me or when my wife said the same (doesn't mean too much to me any more but...), is that simply an ego boost or don't we all need to feel loved by someone?

Not trying to contradict or poke holes in the OP, just honest questions and thoughts....
To disclose or not to disclose, that is the question...whether 'tis nobler in the mind to bear the slings and arrows of outrageous limerence, or by taking up arms and revealing, PERHAPS end them...

Thus limerence doth make maniacs of us all. :-@

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David
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Re: Sticky: 12 things love is and 12 things limerence is

Post by David » Fri Mar 30, 2018 9:45 pm

Limmed_Out wrote:
Fri Mar 30, 2018 6:38 pm
Is all love narcissistic in origin...
i wd argue all romantic love is narcissistic. A mother's love should be unconditional, all too often its not.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

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Spinnaker
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Re: Sticky: 12 things love is and 12 things limerence is

Post by Spinnaker » Fri Mar 30, 2018 10:10 pm

"I wd argue all romantic love is narcissistic. A mother's love should be unconditional, all too often its not."


Guess that makes me a "hopeless narc"! =))
“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

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L-F
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Re: Sticky: 12 things love is and 12 things limerence is

Post by L-F » Sat Mar 31, 2018 7:50 am

Matty5000 wrote:
Thu Mar 29, 2018 11:05 pm
To me Love is a willingness to sacrifice. Unconditional. Pure selflessness.
Limerence is pure Selfishness. Give ME reciprocation. Give ME attention. Give ME what I project onto you.
You are starting to sound like me =))
This is almost identical to what I posted yonks ago.
Have conquered limerence. I'm no expert but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.
Limerence Net helped to heal my heart which led to forgiving my abusers ❤

Matty5000
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Re: Sticky: 12 things love is and 12 things limerence is

Post by Matty5000 » Tue Apr 03, 2018 1:52 am



I like watching this guy speak about various topics. This one is about true love and "fish love"
Other people make excellent mirrors.
Male: 35

Freakishpie
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Re: Sticky: 12 things love is and 12 things limerence is

Post by Freakishpie » Sat Mar 23, 2019 1:26 pm

confusedGirl3 wrote:
Fri Feb 26, 2016 6:05 am
thank you David for the list. It looks like a good list and makes sense, but when you put things into black( limerence) and white( love), I start having problems relating.
My feelings for my LO are a mixture of both your love list and the limerence list.
My same situation exactly. I've gone to hell and back for my LO.

Can it be a mixture of love and limerence?

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