I finally got closure

[fup]

I’ve been writing a lot here about LO and our rather messy relationship. So I just want to share that I finally got closure now.

We had our annual Christmas party at work and I actually thought about not going because I didn’t want to risk any more drama. But I went anyway and I’m glad I did.

LO and I got drunk and ended up walking and talking since we were heading in the same direction leaving the party. He initiated a deeper conversation about our relationship and how he had sensed that I had been unhappy at work. First I rejected talking about it since it didn’t exactly ended well the last time we tried to talk. But he was actually pretty cool and caring this time around and finally seemed accountable for his own behavior. So I just let it all out. After a year I finally got the opportunity to speak up and let out all the buildup emotions while feeling safe, heard and understood. I can’t even begin to describe how relieving this feeling is.

With out ever disclosing I just told him that I really liked him back when we were friends and that he had made a huge impression on me, but I just got fed up with all the drama at work and bullshit, so that I didn’t any other choice than pull myself out of the toxicity and stay distanced. That it has caused me feeling isolated and that no one really cared about how the drama had impacted me. He was really reciprocating and cool about it. And I managed to keep healthy boundaries throughout the whole conversation. He actually seemed to enjoy it a bit in a weird way when I got firm with him and told him off. When he texted me the next day I responded that I would be open to talking more should he need it, but in that case he would have to contact me at work because I need space in my personal life.

Am I healed? No and I don’t think I’ll ever heal completely
Am I in the risk of falling back into LE? No, not with this LO. I truly believe I’m not and that I’ve managed to work through it despite of the pain and suffering. I’m finally finding my way to allow myself to be vulnerable and letting people in while still remaining healthy boundaries.

I just wanted to share my experience and let others with a complicated LO situationship know, that it can be done and have a happy ending if you manage to take care of yourself and try and learn how to set boundaries and know when you have to remove yourself from a situation to allow closure to happen in a future where your in a healthier mental state.