I need to move on but I can’t.

[L-F]

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Naww JT, I thought your post was informative. Sad to see it deleted.

[HelpWithGOLO]

L-F, due to the anonymous nature of the other site, I had no idea how old the OP was. I was just trying to help someone in need. I've been trying to help others whenever and if I can as I battle through this myself. I don't have a lot of advice to give but I can share my own experiences. And I suppose self-censorship isn't a bad thing.

[L-F]

I don't have a lot of advice to give but I can share my own experiences.

Knowing one isn't alone is a great feeling isn't it. Tis always nice to hear how limerence impacts others.

[HelpWithGOLO]

L-F, I 100 percent agree! I can still remember reading the first responses I got on my first post and how it felt. To know that there were others out there who had gone through this or still were was such a relief. Having them be understanding and sympathetic eased the pain. It gave me hope. I was such a mess when I first came here and so very desperate for help. I remember googling my "symptoms" and looking for ways to overcome how I was feeling. Somehow I found a link to this site and it all began to make sense. I never would have expected to still be working through this nearly a year later but I'm so much better off than I was, I think. I'm going to keep going. I'm going to beat this.

Idk14, I hope you're continuing to make progress. Please keep us updated when you can. Feel free to reach out anytime!

[idk14]

thankyou everyone for the help and sharing your experiences it definitely has helped a lot
Sorry I haven’t been active at all lately, I’ve just been focusing on myself and friends and family, not really my phone.
There isn’t a time where he’s not on my mind, not really taking full space but always just sort of there, lingering yk? Just the thought of somewhere we went together, or memories really not only him, himself. But not being in contact with him has definitely helped, and learning to not give in when I feel the need to message him. Also the fact I haven’t seen him since we don’t live in the same town, has helped too. I think if I see him I’m going to go back to square 1.
But I’ve kind of accepted he’s moved on and that I have too.
I’m not sure if I have mentioned it, but I still haven’t replied to that first message from over a week ago, and he messaged me a couple days ago saying how him and that other girl didn’t turn into anything. I’m not sure why he still messaged to tell me that when I hadn’t replied in the first place but yeah.
I’m quite stable and okay right now, and I’m proud of myself for that

[HelpWithGOLO]

Glad to hear you're moving forward! I understand all too well what's it like to have your person on your mind all the time. It's been a constant struggle for me for months to focus on other things but I'm learning. Maintaining no contact is definitely a challenge but I think it gets easier as time goes on. Good for you for keeping it up! I'm very happy for you!

[idk14]

it’s a sucky thing having them on your mind all the time. Definitely doesn’t help getting over them!
I’ve been a little more stuck these past two or so days now, i think I miss how I was treated by him more than I miss him? that sounds really bad haha typing it out but I think that’s more what it is, having low self confidence and esteem sucks. I just feel like I’ll never be treated or liked that way again because maybe I’m just not pretty enough, I’m not a blue eyed Blondie or brunette, I don’t have the perfect skin, I’m a ginger with heaps of freckles- and growing up with ginger hair the amount of teasing and bullying I would get from it from guys really messed me up I guess, I just don’t feel as if any guy would like me? And I know we weren’t meant to be, mostly because of signs ig my body was given? Like feeling low energy and my social battery running out after I’d hang out with him, or the nerves I got whenever he would walk up to me (I’m not sure if they were good or not but I didn’t like them either way). And just a few other simpler signs. I think I just wanted him to stay so I could have the thought of “teenage love” I think I was more in love with the idea of love, and so desperate to get it from someone I didn’t really think or notice other things if that makes sense? And just knowing he’s moved on so easily hurts. And yet I’m still stuck and attached to him.
A bit off topic from this person, but back in July I had my first kiss with a guy I had been talking to since January, we weren’t really “talking” as such, more just friendly conversations idk, yeah but I drove over 3 hours to meet him and he was my first kiss. He really only wants me for my body now, but when I was first talking to him and when I met him he was such a cool and nice guy, he made sure I was okay and comfortable with his company, and it took me up until maybe early September ish to start getting over him. I just got far too attached. And to this day I don’t think I’m fully over him, but the most recent guy. He was definitely not a rebound from my first kiss guy. But I still have a feeling somethings not done between us, that somethings still there, but it seriously feels like we’re unfinished idk.
sorry that was a bit of a rant haha, but I just I don’t know, my friends are sick of me talking about them and I don’t blame them. I’m trying to figure things out for myself but I just can’t.
thanks for reading that

[HelpWithGOLO]

idk14,
I talked about this on my other thread but I wanted to suggest to you that you could maybe try setting aside a set period of time each day to go over your feelings for your person. What I do is allow myself to think back on the memories of her, my feelings and just let me myself feel those emotions. Good and bad. The hurt, the longing, how she made me feel and WHY she made me feel that way. I analyze and ask myself what caused those feelings. Was it because I genuinely wanted her or was it the idea of love? Why was I looking to someone else besides my wife to give me these things? If she had somehow returned my feelings, would it really have been worth changing my life for her? What can I learn from all this? How can I keep myself from falling into this trap again? I'm speaking for myself but I hope you get the idea. Once that period ends that day, I shut out out any thoughts and emotions concerning her as best as I can. It's very hard to do and takes a lot of work and practice but I think I'm getting better at it. It's more productive, I believe, than trying to make myself completely forget about her at this time. Maybe it'll work for you, maybe not. Again, I can only speak from my own experience. It's been helping ease my pain and with practice I hope to be fully recovered eventually. Hopefully sooner than later.

I'm glad you are making progress. I'm also glad you have friends you can talk to about this, even if they might be getting tired of hearing about it. Truth be told, I would give so much to have a close friend I could confide in about how I'm feeling. The only person I have that I feel I can truly trust to that degree is my wife and I am incredibly nervous about telling her. She knows I had this crush but she doesn't know how bad it was or that I'm still thinking about my LO all this time later. I've been keeping my feelings inside for so long and sometimes I still end up crying when I'm alone all these months later. But why? Do I really miss my person or is it the way she treated me and made me feel? I shouldn't be feeling like this and I remind myself of that daily. It's not like she's feeling the same way or is going to reach out to me. I was more attached to her than I had realized. She was a friend I really needed at the time and a very serious crush at the same time. I haven't had either in so very long and losing contact abruptly with both a friend and someone I was convinced I had fallen for was such a devastating feeling. It really, really hurt that she didn't even say goodbye to me. It felt like I had never mattered to her at all. I know there probably was a perfectly sound reason why it happened the way it did that had nothing to do with me but as I mentioned I take things like this very personally. The emotional and physical high I got from her, wrong as it was, was so addicting and I haven't been able to get over it. No, I shouldn't have developed feelings for anyone other than my wife but it happened and I still feel terrible about it. I've projected so much on to this woman and it really messed me up. I've been reeling from it all and I've let it affect all my relationships all year. Thankfully I'm starting to develop new friendships now but it's still so hard to get over what happened. It doesn't help that I met her around Christmas time so I'm flooded with thoughts and feelings about her right now. I'm trying to focus on what Christmas is all about and push away everything else for now. I constantly remind myself that she's married now so that's yet another reason why I need to let go. It's unlikely I'll ever see her again. Life for me needs to go on. She's probably forgotten all about me by now and there's no benefit to torturing myself like this. Besides, I would never want to hurt my wife like that.

Sorry if I'm oversharing. I just wanted to let you know that I can understand how you're feeling. It really sucks to be feeling sad and depressed and missing someone you care about at this time of year. Still, I hope you can have a wonderful holiday time. I'm going to focus on time with my new friends and family and especially my wife. Try to focus on your time with your loved ones. Keep your chin up! And please keep us updated when you can.