Limerance dulling my love for partner

[L-F]

I’m going through a really tough time in my family life right now, with two recent deaths of close family members. In fact I think I’m very close to slipping into a depression.

It must be a hugely difficult time for you. Sorry to hear of your recent loss. Do you have a therapist or good a support network surrounding you?

Sending good thoughts and wishes your way while you navigate this challenging time.

[yoguisan]

L-F, I kind of disagree with the statement that there's no genuine love for a LO because the current LE I'm having involves an ex who I was and still am pretty sure I am very much in love with (though I really don't recall being limerent for her while we were together), and even when not in an LE I did miss her, it just wasn't so overwhelming as it is now. Though I have to agree that limerence has much more to do with obsession than with feelings; LO is like a drug.

Acyice100, I'm sorry about your losses. Wishing you the best and strength to go through these tough times.

[Significant other]

... Since these feelings came to fruition 3 years I haven’t cheated on my partner or let anything come out...but I don’t get the same euphoric high I get from hanging out with my best friend...

If those encounters or conversations whith,and feelings to,LO are secret from their SO, I would say that is disloyalty, emotional infidelity, unless you are an open couple.

[L-F]

L-F, I kind of disagree with the statement that there's no genuine love for a LO because the current LE I'm having involves an ex who I was and still am pretty sure I am very much in love with (though I really don't recall being limerent for her while we were together), and even when not in an LE I did miss her, it just wasn't so overwhelming as it is now. Though I have to agree that limerence has much more to do with obsession than with feelings; LO is like a drug.

Genuine love doesn't include negative emotions such as jealousy or feelings such as anxiousness even if you are not together. Genuine love is being happy for someone else's welfare & well-being, fortune, and fame regardless of being united. Genuine love supports another person to be their best.

If you have ever felt, or still feel jealous of LO or their choice of partners, that's not genuine love. I think you're confusing love with lust and infatuation. But that's just my thoughts on the subject, you may be right because I can't say if you loved LO or not.

[L-F]

If those encounters or conversations whith,and feelings to,LO are secret from their SO, I would say that is disloyalty, emotional infidelity, unless you are an open couple.

Good point

[yoguisan]

Genuine love doesn't include negative emotions such as jealousy or feelings such as anxiousness even if you are not together

In my case it does; I've always felt jealous of any and every girlfriend I ever had, and my wife is no exception. Sure, this stems a lot from my sense of inadequacy and low self esteem, but I can't help it. I've learned not to let it cloud my judgement, but I can't avoid feeling it no matter what. Hearing my wife compliment some dude over his looks still frustrates me a lot.

[L-F]

but I can't help it.

Sure you can. You're here for a start.
Hey, don't beat yourself up. I'm not perfect, don't think anyone is.

[David]

this is a tough one and likely not much is going to help you make sense of your homoerotic feelings for your best friend - btw nothing wrong with that and maybe you are bi?

limerence is the mother of all distraction, what a wonderful way to avoid the such painful feelings of grief - so in part its an escape from emotional pain.

The more honest i have become in my primary relationship, the easier and more connected that relationship has become. It took me a lot of self development to learn to trust as i didnt trust easily.
IMJ All roads lead to not getting our needs met in childhood and thats where your answers will lie in better helping to understand your self and why you have been hit by the limerence train.

[L-F]

In my case it does; I've always felt jealous of any and every girlfriend I ever had, and my wife is no exception. Sure, this stems a lot from my sense of inadequacy and low self esteem, but I can't help it. I've learned not to let it cloud my judgement, but I can't avoid feeling it no matter what.

Hey yoguisan, came across this and thought about you... How are you going?

"The insecure person is fearful and prone to jealousy, clinging, possessiveness, and attachment in relationships, an approach that always brings frustration. The purpose of these feelings is to bind and tightly possess the other, to achieve security by preventing loss and, at times, to punish the other for our own fear of loss. Again, these attitudes tend to bring into manifestation the very thing that we are holding in mind. The other person, now feeling pressured by our energy of dependency and possessiveness, has an inner impulse to run for freedom, to withdraw, to detach and do the very thing that we fear the most. These attitudes lead to constantly wanting to influence others. Because people intuitively pick up our wish to control them, their response is to resist. So the only way to bring about relinquishment of their resisting us is to let go of wanting to influence them in the first place. This means letting go of the inner fears as they come up."
~David R. Hawkins

(Book: Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender)

[L-F]

^^^ I call this the 'ick' phase. I've spoken a lot about sitting with one's feelings (specifically mine) when healing from limerence. It's a really stupid thing to talk about when at the crux of it sounds woo-woo-ish.

Without sounding like a preacher, I'll talk about my perspective - what it meant to me, what helped my journey, and how I came to call it the ICK phase of healing.

There was a time when the emotional pain of limerence would bring me to tears of frustration, including suicidal thoughts (knowing full well I would never carry out anything, which only added to the confusion/frustration. Put it this way, if I was a cutter, I would have cut). Long story short, I learned what it meant to sit with my feelings including fears. It was physically and psychologically painful I might add, and not something I'd recommend without support, preferably professional.

But this was where learned to let go of those fears that lay beneath my actions, or perhaps could be viewed as unconscious drivers of my actions/biases. One could say I surrendered to them [fears], and allowed whatever emotional pain to arise, knowing full well I was safe (had to keep reminding myself of this). Again, not making recommendations, only sharing my experience.

Because of the ickiness of doing nothing but observing my pain, I called it the 'ick phase'. My chest would hurt, I cried (a lot), and I permitted myself to feel whatever came up while giving myself a safe place to express it. Shout, punch, cry, lay still feeling numb, headaches, body aches... it was ugly lol, but I might add, an experiment I took to see what exactly lay beneath the surface if I let myself feel my fears to so-called release them.

Just something that helped me, which the above post reminded me of in terms of reaching that ick place and letting go of fears.

I told myself to accept what I feared as if it was going to happen anyway. Oddly, nothing happened and my fear no longer held the power it once did.

Meh, not sure why I'm rehashing this other than to say it meshes with the above post's sentiments.