The emptiness

[Caitlyn]

It's been over 2 weeks since I spoke to LO and as I predicted, he hasn't reached out to me either. I didn't expect him to, I just wanted him to. I knew it was unlikely though.

Seasonal affective disorder (or perhaps my usual depression) is hitting me at full force now, I don't want to get out of bed and don't find joy in anything. I miss the highs that I got those few times we hung out just me and him. I miss the highs when I got a message from him. I feel empty and miserable without those dopamine rushes and I feel like I can't get them from anywhere else, only him. Even though I know he's no good for my mental health. I don't really know the point of my post, just venting I guess and updating that nothing has happened, lol. By the way, I have always had depression throughout my life, on and off since I was a kid. But when you get those highs from the LO and then you're suddenly without those highs (and without LO) it makes it worse than it was before.

Edit: I also keep dreaming about him, so there's no escape.

[JupiterTaco]

It's going to take time for your mind to calm down from the chemical cocktail almost as if you had actually been on drugs. Please go easy on yourself try to stay busy. Also I'm not sure if there's any help regarding seasons but I used to hate winter so much it wasn't a joke. One of the things that helped me appreciate all seasons was to kind of get myself in the mood for the fun things for the season.

[HelpWithGOLO]

I know how you're feeling, Caitlyn. I've been going through similar feelings of emptiness and being miserable without my LO. When I first lost contact unexpectedly with her months ago (long story) I didn't know how I was going to make it through the first night. I felt like I had lost a part of me. I still do. I'm a married man who became limerent over one of my former coworkers. I've felt so guilty about it on top of my other feelings. I've gone a very long time without her now but every day has been hard. I want to reach out to her or go see her where we used to work but I know that would be bad for me and my mental health. I don't want to hurt my wife, either. I too have dealt with depression all my life which played a part in my LE. I dream about her, too, which makes me feel awful when I wake up and remember that I'm not going to see her again. There's nothing like that dopamine high you get from your person, is there? My point is, you're not alone in feeling like this. I don't know if you're new here but this place will definitely help you. I know I couldn't have made it this far without the support of others on here. I agree with JupiterTaco that you should go easy on yourself and try to stay busy. And try to be patient in the healing process, as I was reminded of earlier today. I'm very much caught up in limerence still myself and unfortunately it can be very frustrating to ride it out. There'll be good days and bad days but keep fighting. I really do wish you the best in your recovery. Just be sure to reach out to others on here. And journal your feelings if you feel so led. It's made such a difference for me. I've learned so much and knowing there are others who are going through the same things helps immensely. We can get through this!

[L-F]

I applaud you HelpwithGOLO

Here is a list I quickly googled called The 6 Steps Of Healing You Need To Know... Link below
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... -need-know

I just want to add number 7 on the healing journey - Helping Others. You've turned a corner HelpwithGOLO and it's good to see. Most start with take, take, take, it's when we realize that we aren't alone and can have empathy for others in the same boat that our awareness grows beyond self. Go you!

It warns my heart seeing readers reach out in support. That's what I call a 'community' [of wounded souls] ready and willing to see & acknowledge others' pain.

Anyway, just wanted to say I noticed the small yet important change of direction. Very proud of you HelpwithGOLO!

[HelpWithGOLO]

Thank you very much, L-F! As I have said over and over again, I've only come this far because you and others like you have been here to help me. I hope I can start helping others as well while I navigate my way out. I may not have much helpful advice just yet but I definitely understand how hard this is. I'm so glad I don't feel alone in this any more.

[Caitlyn]

Thank you everyone, I appreciate your responses. HelpWithGOLO, I'm also married so I can understand that part too. If only I could get a dopamine high from my husband but I haven't had that in years from him. (Probably the same on his end)

On another note, I plan on going to the pub on my street this weekend, the one LO works in. Bad idea maybe but I'm not going because he works there. (honest! ) I started going there a long time before he started working there. It will be 3 weeks since I've seen him and I did stay away just because of him but now I'd like my routine back. It is the only pub I like here. I know I probably haven't kept away from him for long enough but I don't think he could make me feel much worse, so I may as well go like I normally would before the limerence started. I don't even know how to be around him anymore, since it's like we went from friends to strangers. I'm thinking I'll just mirror him. If he chats, I'll chat. At the least, I'll keep it civil.

I've been daydreaming about him asking me where I've been and responding something like: "I can tell you've been distancing yourself from me so I thought I'd help you with it". That would probably be a terrible idea to say to him in real life though, right? Ha.

[HelpWithGOLO]

Caitlyn, I'm not sure if you're still on here but you were on my mind when I logged in. If you don't mind my asking, how are you doing? Any updates on your situation?

[Caitlyn]

Caitlyn, I'm not sure if you're still on here but you were on my mind when I logged in. If you don't mind my asking, how are you doing? Any updates on your situation?

Hi This is the first time I've been on here in a while. My situation with LO got better, I seemingly (mostly) got over the limerance. Or so I thought..

LO being rude to me on one particular occasion seemed to dull the feelings temporarily. I've still been going into the local as usual, once a week. We've still been chatting and I chose to put his rude behaviour behind me. Maybe I was even glad that he was rude as I only tend to like nice guys. However, these past few weeks, it seems the obsession is creeping back. He has started randomly saying "Hey trouble" when I walk in the pub. So of course, I'm wondering if that's some form of flirting and secretly hoping it is. He also playfully mocks me a lot lately. Again, I'm not sure what it means but perhaps he does it with everyone. I find myself over analysing everything he says or does. Just like before. So back to square one again.

How are things with you?