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Agree.
Caitlyn, I can assure you the grossest of gross thoughts about LO can not cut through limerence. Not even the gross truth such as being a liar. So even if you purposefully think gross things about him, I highly doubt it will work. Limerence has a way of oozing through like a festering pussy wound.
I know you're in the newcomer seat, and I'm torn between giving space to vent & express as opposed to giving support (aka giving you things to reflect upon).
This site used to attract those who wanted to lament or celebrate limerence, and I get it, however, I'd always suggest they didn't stay there long term. I also don't think it's healthy to focus on LOs behavior as if it's the reason for limerence, agree it can trigger limerence, but is not the reason behind it and the simple explanation for that which may irk some, is that anyone could have been the trigger. The 'O' in LO stands for Object, meaning, limerents make LO the object of desire.
The short answer (for any limerent), what is it you desire? A pretty face? Someone to listen to you? Someone to connect with you on different levels? What are you lacking in your relationship that you secretly desire?
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I know what you mean. Even though I've been trying to focus on just his bad traits, I still find myself thinking about him all the time and it's really frustrating. He's like a song I've got stuck in my head but it's even more repetitive. I really thought seeing him for what he is would stop the obsession or "break the spell". No such luck. Every time I hear a noise next door, I wonder if it's him even though he lives with about 7 others in shared housing. When I walk past the pub, I sneak a peak to see if he's standing outside vaping like he sometimes does.
He's not even someone I ever would have gone for due to his age but that all changed when he showed interest with me and it was like I was suddenly starstruck and on such a high. Also the fact he's so good looking and in the past, I've made a point to NOT go for the really good looking ones.
Because I don't like that they would be getting loads of attention from others and I'm a jealous type when I'm really into someone!
My marriage already had a few problems. Husband has a high drive and mine is low. He has two kids who stay every other weekend and one of them is awfully rude every time, and she's aggressive which has caused fall outs between me and my husband. I've mentioned divorce a lot because of his kid. I've also been feeling like the romance has completely gone, no "spark". We've gone on trips away but nothing really changed. So I thought the open marriage would make us happier, and better than divorcing because we have one child of our own.
I guess LO confirmed that I've been feeling nothing with my husband. LO gave me highs that my husband used to give me years ago. I didn't think I'd ever feel like that again. But the lows have been awful.
I'm a sucker for "nice" guys and I really thought he was so nice and kind. Gave me his jacket when I was cold and let me keep it, he feeds the neighbourhood cat (probably doesn't need feeding though!) Seemed polite until the other night. He said he used to take beatings from his father on behalf of his brother and sister, which made me fall for him more because he seemed like a hero. But after catching him lying about other things, I'm not sure if that's true. It sometimes feels like I fell for someone who was fake and I'm missing that fake person.
One more thing which I feel is important. We have bad fathers in common. Mine didn't beat me but he's been an absent father, mostly. When he hasn't been absent, he's only criticized me and made me feel bad. And LO said it's something we've connected on, having bad fathers.
