Question about jealousy

[yoguisan]

I'll be glad if this can also help anyone. Besides, I don't really mind sharing these kind of details. Sometimes I actually have to be careful not to overshare, in fact. I have a bad tendency of going on a streak when talking about anything.

Well, about control, my father always tried (and still does) to control pretty much every aspect of my life, and never reacted very well when confronted, even now that I don't live with my parents anymore. He's also not been a very good husband, and let's say he's also not the neighbor people invite to weekend BBQs.

My LO also came from a background of control. Her mother was (not sure nowadays) a religious fanatic, and was always very strict about her and her sisters. Her parents were also divorced, and her mother later married a man who was also not good for her. I suspect to the point of being abusive. I distinctly remember her saying that one of her teachers at the time (we started dating when we were at high school) warned her not to see me as a replacement for a father figure, something she admitted she could be doing at the time. I guess this creates the ideal scenario for controlling someone.

Also, the time we broke up coincides with both of us becoming more independent and starting doing things on our own; until then, every free minute we could afford we tried to be together, and she actually got in a really bad mood if she couldn't spend her free time with me as she didn't really have anything else to do. Maybe at this time she realized she didn't really need me.

About the limerence going away, I thought it was, but now I'm not so sure. I still indulge in long periods wondering how she's doing and what things would be if we were still together. My sleep is still interrupted sometimes and I have a hard time going back to it because I think of her. I know I got a lot better since then and now I can find pleasure in doing my things again, but I guess I have a long way before being able to say this is over.

[David]

A significant component of jealousy comes from evolutionary psychology, to do with mate guarding and the protection of resources to give offspring the best chance of survival.

Its hard to overcome some of these deeply imprinted drives that have evolved over thousands of years.

[yoguisan]

A significant component of jealousy comes from evolutionary psychology, to do with mate guarding and the protection of resources to give offspring the best chance of survival.

Its hard to overcome some of these deeply imprinted drives that have evolved over thousands of years.

It does make a lot of sense, it's something I've actually read about many years ago. Strange thing is, why do I suddenly feel jealous over someone I haven't seen in over eight years? She's nothing mine anymore, not even a friend. I do have some theories, but what is strange is, why now? I had previously remembered her, dreamed of her, but it never hit so hard like now (except when the breakup was recent). Feels like I'll never truly get over this.

[David]

why now?

limerence is the mother of all distractions, what are you distracting yourself from?

[yoguisan]

why now?

limerence is the mother of all distractions, what are you distracting yourself from?

I don't know. I was feeling a little depressed before all of this began, but it's not a very good distraction since it made me feel much worse. If forgetting was an option, I'd gladly take it. But here I am, making a hole in my stomach over someone who doesn't give a damn about me.

I feel pretty stupid for this. Specially considering I moved on (well, not quite it seems). If anyone could possibly feel jealous it would make more sense to be her, not the other way around.

[JupiterTaco]

A significant component of jealousy comes from evolutionary psychology, to do with mate guarding and the protection of resources to give offspring the best chance of survival.

Its hard to overcome some of these deeply imprinted drives that have evolved over thousands of years.

It does make a lot of sense, it's something I've actually read about many years ago. Strange thing is, why do I suddenly feel jealous over someone I haven't seen in over eight years? She's nothing mine anymore, not even a friend. I do have some theories, but what is strange is, why now? I had previously remembered her, dreamed of her, but it never hit so hard like now (except when the breakup was recent). Feels like I'll never truly get over this.

I can definitely relate to that question of why her given my recent situation with my former classmate who I hadn't thought about in years let alone really ever had a crush on.

His closest friend from all those years ago was kind of always the one of my transference rotations when I was a lot younger. But I didn't really go as far as to build fantasy life and fantasy family with them it was just kind of one of those hope things that you know maybe we would reconnect in the future and all.

But you know he's been married for a long time and he has a cute family and I do not miss him either. I had many chances over years to be stuck on this other guy J and it just never really registered or happened and that's why it's hard not to think that it's not him sending me some energy or whatever but I just don't know.

I have thought myself through trying to figure out what else may have triggered it and I can't for the life of me come up with an answer. And like many of my former LOs J is a reminder of really terrible times on top of that my memories of the times that he was in my life or definitely among the worst I mean middle school Lo is only the one who's worse but yeah.

I've been reliving many terrible incidents every single time this guy comes to my mind or in my dreams and I wake up and remember it. Trying to use it for positive. For example I've been wanting to journal the entirety of my childhood for quite some time now and now I have a reason to really do it.

So like you I think it's not making me really feel good although ironically the feeling that his energy has been with me really helped me earlier this summer but again I don't know what's all just in my own body and what's more than that. But I'm ready to be done with it I know that. Maybe about just letting go.

You could drive yourself crazy trying to find the logic in it maybe the energy is just better spent redirecting your thoughts and not giving this any thought letting it run its course and stop doing it.

[yoguisan]

Well, if I say it didn't do me any good, I'd be lying. All of this motivated me to go back to therapy and start exercising, which is something I always hated doing though. But the hassle it brings outweigh the immediate benefits. I hope I can at least be disciplined enough to turn these into habits so I can keep it up when this is over.

It all came so suddenly that it sure feels like she put a spell on me or something. I know there's a lot of people that will tell me this if should I discuss it with them (many people here believe in African religions which involve this), but I'm very much on the skeptical side. Besides, I don't think she cares enough about me to waste time and possibly money doing it (though I admit to trying to fool myself into believing she does).

Maybe I've been trying to make sense out of chaos. I tried to shift focus, but it hasn't worked so much. Best I could do was channel sadness into anger and lift weights. Not sure how much longer this will have an effect though.

[JupiterTaco]

Yeah I read about other people in limerence who experience the same feeling you know thinking that it may have been black magic or something so it seems like it is a thing. But I agree with any of my former LOs I could pinpoint exactly when it started for me so ergo there was a logical explanation even if particularly with my fourth LO, I did feel that again there was something supernatural going on. I don't really have any answers but I know that I didn't really believe in this stuff until my situation with my former neighbor now I do.

And in that situation as well as this one I feel like I'm being drawn to someone against my will and it's not really a great feeling even if this one isn't as intense as that situation was. Do you feel that way?

Sadly there are people who do this stuff out there and it's actually probably more common than we think I've done a lot of research and read a lot of stories about people who have done this kind of crap trying to get someone they barely know.

It's a really sad that these people would probably tell themselves that they actually care about the person they're doing this to when in reality that's like the essence of selfishness if that's what they're doing. It's messing with someone's free will.

You want to think that only experienced witches or whatever would be able to do that with any results but apparently that's not true.

People have no idea what they're inviting not only into their lives but into their targets lives when they do things like this. Their stories about that too oh that's kind of scary actually I really can't spend time thinking about it it creeps me out too much.

Nevertheless I stand by what I say that the real way to beat that as well as limerence, is to not acknowledge it redirect your thoughts give it as little power as you possibly can until it goes away. Good luck.

[yoguisan]

Yeah I kind of feel like she's a magnet drawing me towards her no matter how much I try not to think about her; I can manage it for a while, but eventually when I'm idle she will come back to my mind. I'm really not a believer when it comes to magic, energy influence or anything supernatural really, but it sure feels like these thoughts are being shoved into my head. To be honest, I'd feel less bad knowing she or someone else put a spell on me, even if I don't believe it.

I guess there's not much to do about it then. It's going to be breakup all over again. But since it can't be helped, well, I hope I can keep my head sufficiently busy to not go insane. And thanks for the advice. Let's see what other tricks my mind decides to play on me.

[L-F]

Call it black magic or triggered wounds (woundmates), or even twin flame (a spiritual connection based on the twin (mirror reflection) coming into one's orbit to create change - not to create a union - geesh it annoys me when people get soulmate & twin flames mixed up lol).

The point it, however you want to look at it, they are a catalyst; an agent that provokes or speeds significant change or action to help us increase self-awareness.