Devastating limerence

[JupiterTaco]

A little update on the situation: even though I feel a little better about LO and can distract myself from thinking about her, it's still impacting my life. I get easily distracted at work because I'm so busy thinking about her, and the last few days the thoughts of her are becoming overwhelming again. I've been feeling a huge urge to disclose, I even wrote her a message (in my personal Drive, not intending to send it to her) about how I feel. I also feel like telling my SO what has really been going on with me; I've been having a few problems in my life, and she's been talking about having children, I feel like now's not the time to think about it.

These last days I asked her if she misses her deceased husband and if she still has feelings for him; she said everyone has a place in our lives and our hearts and no one comes to replace anyone, which basically means that she does. Though it probably comes nowhere near the limerence I've been feeling. Ironically, knowing she still has feelings for someone else makes me sad. But it also increased my urge to disclose to both of them, which I'm pretty sure is a terrible idea. Things sometimes feel a little hopeless, like I've put myself in a hole I can't get out of.

Was there anything that may have triggered the resurgence of feelings?

[yoguisan]

Was there anything that may have triggered the resurgence of feelings?

I'm not sure. Since all of this started I think about her nearly 24/7, so anything could be a trigger, really. I associated with LO even the new system that's being implemented at work, since I had to learn it at the peak of my LE. Weird, but that's how my dysfunctional mind works. Though when I'm at the worst of my LE I always put songs that relate to the feelings I currently have, I'm pretty sure that doesn't help. If I listen to something happier it annoys me instead of helping me, however.

[yoguisan]

It's been a while. The medications were working and I was feeling fine, sort of. Then today was her birthday. I congratulated her. Hell, I even bought her a gift card, a virtual one since I don't know where she lives. And today I found out she's married. And now nothing makes sense again. I know it's my fault and mine only, but I can't take it anymore. I don't know if I want to live like this. I don't know if it's worth it. I wish I could rip her off my mind; she became my disease, one I can't cure, a cancer in my brain I can only hope will one day stop hurting.

[L-F]

Hey Yoguisan
Hang in there mate. Life sure can get tough with limerence thrown into the mix.

Sending good thoughts your way and hoping today is a better day for you!

[yoguisan]

Hey L-F, thanks a lot for your support. I do feel much better now that the initial shock of finding it out is over, which I'm very glad about. This is the most unstable my mind has ever been, and I'm probably just better already because of the medications I've been taking. I want to use every opportunity like this when my thoughts are clearer to try and understand this whole situation better.

My therapist drew an interesting parallel to this; all my life I've had issues with my father, and this created a lot of self confidence issues in me, she theorizes because every time I've sought his approval I was met with rejection; me turning my attention back to LO could be this situation being mirrored in another context.

I'll try to use this time to go back to my normal rhythm. Thanks again for your support, and everyone else as well. Hope my input can help someone too

[Significant other]

A little update on the situation: even though I feel a little better about LO and can distract myself from thinking about her, it's still impacting my life. I get easily distracted at work because I'm so busy thinking about her, and the last few days the thoughts of her are becoming overwhelming again. I've been feeling a huge urge to disclose, I even wrote her a message (in my personal Drive, not intending to send it to her) about how I feel. I also feel like telling my SO what has really been going on with me; I've been having a few problems in my life, and she's been talking about having children, I feel like now's not the time to think about it.

Hello Yoguisan
I have a question. Did your SO's idea of ​​having children appear before or after starting LE?

[Significant other]

[

Was there anything that may have triggered the resurgence of feelings?

Hello Yoguisan
I have a question. Did your SO's idea of ​​having children appear before or after starting LE's reurgence?
[/quote]
?

[yoguisan]

A little update on the situation: even though I feel a little better about LO and can distract myself from thinking about her, it's still impacting my life. I get easily distracted at work because I'm so busy thinking about her, and the last few days the thoughts of her are becoming overwhelming again. I've been feeling a huge urge to disclose, I even wrote her a message (in my personal Drive, not intending to send it to her) about how I feel. I also feel like telling my SO what has really been going on with me; I've been having a few problems in my life, and she's been talking about having children, I feel like now's not the time to think about it.

Hello Yoguisan
I have a question. Did your SO's idea of ​​having children appear before or after starting LE?

Hey Significant Other, hope you're doing well.

We always discussed the idea about having kids, I wanted it but had doubts, specially if I would be able to handle being a father, but in the latest two or so years our families have been pressuring us on this, and in turn she has been pressuring me; when the LE started however it led me to question everything in my life, including my relationship and if I really ever wanted to have children. Though I'm a bit more stabilized now I still have lots of questions about what I really want, I'm really trying not to let it affect my marriage.

By the way, since I found out my LO is married I've proposed that we be friends, to which she agreed; I believe this is to fulfill my need for her a bit in a less questionable way, but if this makes me feel better, so be it. I've been making lots of bad decisions since it all began, and I think this was one of the least worse ones.

I'm currently in what I call a state of "comfortable sadness"; I feel constantly down, but not to the point where it becomes overwhelming, and I can occasionally forget about LO for a few minutes and have some fun. It's pretty much how I lived my whole life, now that I think of it. Being somewhat accepted by her, even if as a friend, might be helping me

[Daydreaming]

The last few days have been difficult. I was in NC with LO for about a week, but last week I saw her again, which obviously triggered a worsening of my emotional state.
It definitely seems like all my remaining hopes of pushing away LE's overwhelming feelings are always shattered with each new interaction with LO.

I also thought that having her around as a friend might be an acceptable solution, but it's definitely not something I'm able to manage without being tortured by LE feelings.

Alcohol also continues to be a terribly oppressive fuel when it comes to bringing me down and intensifying feelings of despair and anguish, bringing up several thoughts about LO. Therapy with my psychologist seems completely useless, because it has had no positive effect on my situation. I think I will stop therapy in the next few weeks.

I honestly think there is no way out of this situation, and when I look at the past I only see repetitions in eternal cycles of suffering.

[Significant other]

A little update on the situation: even though I feel a little better about LO and can distract myself from thinking about her, it's still impacting my life. I get easily distracted at work because I'm so busy thinking about her, and the last few days the thoughts of her are becoming overwhelming again. I've been feeling a huge urge to disclose, I even wrote her a message (in my personal Drive, not intending to send it to her) about how I feel. I also feel like telling my SO what has really been going on with me; I've been having a few problems in my life, and she's been talking about having children, I feel like now's not the time to think about it.

Hello Yoguisan
I have a question. Did your SO's idea of ​​having children appear before or after starting LE?

Hey Significant Other, hope you're doing well.

We always discussed the idea about having kids, I wanted it but had doubts, specially if I would be able to handle being a father, but in the latest two or so years our families have been pressuring us on this, and in turn she has been pressuring me; when the LE started however it led me to question everything in my life, including my relationship and if I really ever wanted to have children. Though I'm a bit more stabilized now I still have lots of questions about what I really want, I'm really trying not to let it affect my marriage.

By the way, since I found out my LO is married I've proposed that we be friends, to which she agreed; I believe this is to fulfill my need for her a bit in a less questionable way, but if this makes me feel better, so be it. I've been making lots of bad decisions since it all began, and I think this was one of the least worse ones.

I'm currently in what I call a state of "comfortable sadness"; I feel constantly down, but not to the point where it becomes overwhelming, and I can occasionally forget about LO for a few minutes and have some fun. It's pretty much how I lived my whole life, now that I think of it. Being somewhat accepted by her, even if as a friend, might be helping me

More than "...something that makes me feel better..." it is an unconscious way of running away, of sticking to something impossible.
...to escape from the decisions you have to take, how: To be a father!
What is it that really paralyzes you?
Belive in yourself.