Breaking NC part 2

[marko]

Last week was tough. I was going with my son to his friends wedding quite a distance and the LE had me very trouble all week. The depressing thoughts and constant thinking about all of it and that I needed to be OK with the LO. I was also weighing the great ideas on sitting with what you don't know, and trying to let go--I couldn't. When I go deep with reality I can't lie to myself and outside my 2 kids, I have nothing. I didn't want to even post this, as I feel more messed up than anyone here right now. It was also ruining my mood on the trip. When LE is tough, you just want to sit there with your ideas. It robs a lot of purpose and the loop was just too sucky. I weighed all of it endlessly.

LE is it's own thing, but not totally unlike how I've done my life. I couldn't watch the vid, but the one posted on how this romantic scripts that runs to normalize also spills into non romantic as part of the script. I tried to be a pro cyclist and even did pro Superbike events and was good enough at 180mph to teach others how to do so. I think I wove those endeavors in to capture the buzz and try to impress the LO's. I just mention it as a feel good junky I suppose I'm willing to risk quite a lot for very little. It also spawns, oh what the hell, you already a nut job, what's a few more nuts.

I texted a "sorry I may have freaked you out with my HBD wish, and I don't want to be weird, even though I am ." I received, "oh no, you ok". Within 15 minutes I felt good. I like the trip, the songs he was playing and had fun. I tried to temper every attempt to blow it up. I tried every attempt, to go with "you got what you wanted, things won't be weird in September, don't contact again or you might be weird. I kept it good, and my plan is just that. I knew it would sink in the other way, but it was a better balance. I'm glad I did it as this is better.

Some funny revelations that take me back a few years. There are millions of people who are in a real shit house. Life over, marriage over, divorce, bad partner. Everyone in a relationship wants out, we want in.
I'm thinking one big problem in this is we don't get to spend a few dates or fast foreward reality to our LO's. All we know is the good, and most of that is half pretended. 2017 had a filty mouth, I am very controlled in language. Didn't matter. Things like that would make her far less appealing in a couple of dates.

I cross hundred of people over the weekend. These few trigger something in us that those can't. In the end I hope I have a lasting effect. Like me, I want them to grab at more than the blah they are told to live now. I like to dabble in their lives and get them to grab life by the neck a bit. This also points at my youth grab in all this. I sat at the bar, no one would see anything in me that would make them want to come on over. Short and aging never sold a movie ticket stub and never will. That forward loneliness is strike two on my bad days. Waitresses should sense my flirt and play me for more $$. I could teach a class on caressing money out of men without getting your hands dirty.

[JupiterTaco]

[dropshadow=]Tom Cruise might beg to differ, he's sold plenty of movies. Also I feel people's energy visiting me so if anybody is riding the cray-cray bus around here...

[marko]

Still glad I did it. I'm at that sad only stage, and not worrying about me being weird or rejected helps just enough. I know LE makes me feel younger and as this summer passes I feel only the downside of this. I cringe more and more over the youth grab and feel more out of place. It adds perspective to those silly dreams you fire off now and again. It's still worrysome to run into any of the LO's and I'll just have to deal with it as it unfolds. My hope again is to normalize and just be someone she can be friendly towards. I remember this with the last. You want to share everything like they have so much meaning to you. You wan't to catch up, not be forgotten. Just have to continue to digest that it's nothing, and can be nothing.

[L-F]

I texted a "sorry I may have freaked you out with my HBD wish, and I don't want to be weird, even though I am ." I received, "oh no, you ok". Within 15 minutes I felt good.

Mark, how would you feel if a 40something year old man wrote this to your 16 year old daughter? Would you feel comfortable he put her in the position of needing to lift his ego up?
What would you tell him if you had the chance?

[marko]

That's the reality that plays as well. The answers are always obvious and point to the futility that makes this a stupid thing to be and do, yet here we are. I remember a guy here back in 17 who had a similar thing. At the time I thought it preposterous as they mostly remind me of my children. Oh there are babes in the classical sense, but their attention here and there doesn't do anything. Usually they may be quite friendly and greet you with a smile for as little as a day/week and as long as a few months. One day, they never look your way again. My initial reaction was just that, and this LO certainly didn't even put smiles and greetings to the day. I can't defend for a second any of this. The shame does help.

[JupiterTaco]

I texted a "sorry I may have freaked you out with my HBD wish, and I don't want to be weird, even though I am ." I received, "oh no, you ok". Within 15 minutes I felt good.

Mark, how would you feel if a 40something year old man wrote this to your 16 year old daughter? Would you feel comfortable he put her in the position of needing to lift his ego up?
What would you tell him if you had the chance?

The sad thing is women get used to being expected to take care of anybody else's emotions all the time

[L-F]

I texted a "sorry I may have freaked you out with my HBD wish, and I don't want to be weird, even though I am ." I received, "oh no, you ok". Within 15 minutes I felt good.

Mark, how would you feel if a 40something year old man wrote this to your 16 year old daughter? Would you feel comfortable he put her in the position of needing to lift his ego up?
What would you tell him if you had the chance?

The sad thing is women get used to being expected to take care of anybody else's emotions all the time

Can't agree more!
Then there are those women who encourage their sons to grow into emotionally mature men and are accused of robbing them of a nurturing upbringing or being blamed for neglecting their sons needs. Can't win being a woman. They are expected to carry the emotional burden of the entire family, most of the time, and even for other males of different bloodlines whether in the classroom, at work, or at home.

[L-F]

I remember a guy here back in 17 who had a similar thing.

Yes he was her teacher and was waiting for her to turn 18 before proposing, or running away with her to be with his one true soulmate, even though her parents strictly banned him from having anything to do with her.

What I find disturbing is the thought that for men, it's an okay thing to think. It's not. Never was and never will be. A construct that men have to deprogram themselves from. A narrative passed down from generation to generation.

[L-F]

Of course no shame to Marko who is well aware of the hideous nature of the limerence beast.

I'm talking about the narrative since the beginning of time, where men hit their fists against their bare chests and claim the right to conquer whatever it is they desire. I'm talking about the narrative where women are not seen as equals with the same rights. But I digress... That's another subject.

[marko]

OK, you baited and I'll bite a bit. It's also bigotry to lump all with some, or many. Now it's emasculated males that make the women pissed as well. They still go after the bad boy and help support the idea we need to be something near perfect. I could point out the womens choice to believe that somehow a male will fullfill will their needs. Then somehow all your "less shallow" criteria of handsome, rich, smart, on and on, but really go after the bad boy-- and then call us shallow for appreciating some dimesions you don't like, yet have a list of criteria that have to be met as tolerant and accepting--bullshit. And since achieving a high degree of equallity never have women been less happy and discontent. Lets talk about entitled--how the hell is that an accepting stance. We could go on and on and no one ever begruges the cemtaries of the world filled with soldiers who beat their chests for you. That villified group brought it, but someone had to stand. You want it, go get it.

Instead of a back and forth on the good and bad matched to an absurd tally sheet that would fill the inter web, let's talk testosterone.The number one chemical women use to cheat in sports is testosterone. It oozes out of you when young. The good accomplished on pure strong muscle builds a physical world. Women make it pretty, we break our backs to make it. It makes you an asshole. It makes you drive and twist the throttle like you own the world. Old guys who run out of it, lay on the couch, drive slow and get weepy at movies. Without asking for it, nor thinking about it, you could get turned on by just about anything. It also painted paintings, built Cathedrals, romance, sexual or not. The romance of brutal sport, male or female. The passion of life flows through it. Yes it also makes you an asshole part 2.
It makes women swoon, it makes us what we are. The above mentioned emasculated, now the anti hero of Hollywood make your kind crave a man who can take on the world. Dumb ass guys don't even know what a dip stick is other than being able to wear that title. How come the poorly groomed and dressed bad boy gets the women in every Hallmark movie. I told my wife, if a guy like that moved in next door, you'd lock the door, but no, he's rich and famous--shame on you all . The number one chemical women use to cheat in sports is testosterone. It makes you strong and aggressive and is hard to tame as there is more in the crowd who enjoy it. I can march all day with 80lbs on my back because the ass hole guys over there aren't going away and they came, and will come. More blah blah blah. As I age, I like the better balance and never held a women or my girls back. I screwed up some but my remorse proves my humanity.