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L-F wrote: ↑Tue Sep 19, 2023 8:49 pm
Are you aware that you are in a perfect position to manage your potential limerent episodes? Exciting isn't it? I'm in the same boat (no longer limerent), but aware enough to know that limerent feeling before it takes hold.
Sounds like you know enough to jump on it and put it in its place. Don't fear it. It may be a part of us that we carry for life. Over time we (you and I) could try desensitising ourselves, how you do that is anyone's guess but I do like JT's thought regarding association. That's always food for thought.
Anyway, I'm not too stressed about it now. I have had a couple of relationships in which I could see blurred lines, so I made sure I strengthened my boundaries. Also, I ask myself "What do I need right now? What am I hoping the other person can provide me?". Then I analyze where this need is coming from and what I can do to fill it.
All the best fup! You're doing great!!!
Thanks for your kind words.
Yeah, I’m aware. I guess I’ve always been aware though not in control. Somehow my LEs have always ended on a good note. Me and LO parting ways in a natural way and me moving on. I think the two bad LEs during my adulthood have been very hard because I’ve had actual relationships with LO, initiated by LO. At least I learned what it is now. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to control it the next time around. But it’s good to know now what it is. I think it’s just too tempting for me to not just go for it and dip my toes in the water next time I encounter a potential LO. But maybe I’ll be able to pull them out again before I fall in deep.
Again, don't be afraid and do everything consciously.
Don't be afraid to f up either.
You get to decide how deep, deep is.
You get to decide if you want to play around with these feelings.
Just don't be hard on yourself.
You are too aware to stress about it now.
Do what you want to do and know that only you can change things if you don't like the things that you do.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
In short, it's when a person who has experienced repeated challenges comes to believe they have no control over their situation.
Often I will see someone use excuses which is a red flag to me. Excuses come in various expressions; intellectualism, rationalism, etc
I used to rely on intellectualizing my LE in order to make sense of it. So rather than 'dodging' a question with answers, get curious as to why someone is asking the question. What is it that they can see? If you know what I mean.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Interesting read. Thanks. I definitely recognize some of it. In general I see myself as a pretty proactive person who opts for solutions always trying to move forward in life. But most def I can fall into those patterns from time to time
Awesome fup! Keep reminding yourself to focus on solutions if ever you find yourself down the rabbit hole again. But sounds like you're too aware of this limerent feeling thing to find yourself there unless you want to go there, but that's up to you. You've got support here should you need it.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
I can definitely feel LO sensing that I mentally cut him off and him trying to lure his way back in on my radar. I really do feel like I’m so over him and can honestly say that I don’t like him anymore and don’t want to interact with him in any other way than the bare minimum to make it work professionally. I know myself and I know that though it can be a struggle to get there, when I cut people off I’m done for good and there’s no going back. Still it’s somewhat a challenge for me not to just act out of habit and engage. Though I’m mentally checked out of the relationship, it still requires some effort and energy from me to stop myself from engaging in things that I’m not invested in out of politeness. And to keep reminding myself that though he might appear nice to me on the surface he is not engaging with me for any reasons valid enough to give him any of my attention. I know this and I truly feel that he is not worth my time and thoughts. But I guess old habits die hard when you have a tendency to people please and the person is standing right in front of you seeking your attention.
Damn. The A-hole is like a pet or child that just gets more needy when not given any attention. “Remember when we hung out last year and the weather was so lovely”. Sure, I remember… but I’m not going to take the bait and engage with you in a conversation about it.
fup wrote: ↑Tue Oct 10, 2023 10:42 am
Damn. The A-hole is like a pet or child that just gets more needy when not given any attention. “Remember when we hung out last year and the weather was so lovely”. Sure, I remember… but I’m not going to take the bait and engage with you in a conversation about it.
Sometimes they do that
She's not broken, she's just a baby. But her boyfriend's like a dad just like a dad-Lady Gaga, Alejandro
