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This is me coming out for the first time ever!

A place for those new to this site. The more experienced users of this site tend to frequent the members only section more.
fup
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:45 am
Belgium

Re: This is me coming out for the first time ever!

Post by fup »

I’ve been doing great all week just focusing on my self. But I’m definitely struggling to day. Too much analysing of the past, dreading a meeting I have next week with the LO. I think I can get out of it, and I definitely want to, which I guess is a good sign. But I need to figure out a good excuse to get out of it, which should be doable. Maybe the best way is to just cancel with no explanation…
I just wish I could escape my LO at work.
fup
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:45 am
Belgium

Re: This is me coming out for the first time ever!

Post by fup »

I’ve been doing a great. Making distance between my self and my LO has definitely helped. Feel like I’m less affected by my LOs presence and don’t really care anymore about engaging in professional interactions. I’m just managing it with a straight focus on business without further thinking.

Yesterday and today have been tough though. I guess I just feel pretty pissed off with my LO for just letting me go like that without any questions or concerns about why I just cut them off with no reason. I mean we did have an actual friendship. At least I thought so. I really just feel like quitting my job and cut all strings attached. Any advice or words that can help me stay focused on moving on? Not really sure if this anger I’m feeling is good or bad? Today I came this close to just reaching out to one of the LOs friends just to try and se if I could get some answers.
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: This is me coming out for the first time ever!

Post by Zsababy »

Maybe they could sense your attraction & ambivalence & are letting go without issue because they know it's awkward. Also, remind yourself that discussion and disclosure would just be messy, so this really is the best outcome.
fup
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:45 am
Belgium

Re: This is me coming out for the first time ever!

Post by fup »

Zsababy wrote: Sat May 06, 2023 8:17 am Maybe they could sense your attraction & ambivalence & are letting go without issue because they know it's awkward. Also, remind yourself that discussion and disclosure would just be messy, so this really is the best outcome.
Yes! Thanks. Discussion and disclosure would be messy. And that mess would just drag me back in or at best cause a set back. Short term pain is better than long lasting pain. There is no such thing as a conversation that gives all the answers you need and set you free. I’m just going to have to keep reminding myself that.
fup
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:45 am
Belgium

Re: This is me coming out for the first time ever!

Post by fup »

So LO reached out to day. I replied and just like that we had a ping pong going on like we used to have all the time. You know, in that way that makes me feel like we really have a connection and get each other. I guess that’s okay in the sense that we can not avoid each other completely. I felt a small urge to keep the ping pong going, but I focus on the positive side where I was able to stay in control and not fall in with both feet, but just engage a little in a normal way and then let it slide.
L-F
Posts: 4522
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: This is me coming out for the first time ever!

Post by L-F »

Awesome progress fup. It doesn't matter how small that step looks, it's still progress. Even if nothing changes, your awareness is still expanding (just from writing out your thoughts), something most people don't notice.
"And in the end, we were all just humans…Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
Zsababy
Posts: 543
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2022 8:15 am
United States of America

Re: This is me coming out for the first time ever!

Post by Zsababy »

fup wrote: Wed May 10, 2023 7:07 pm So LO reached out to day. I replied and just like that we had a ping pong going on like we used to have all the time. You know, in that way that makes me feel like we really have a connection and get each other. I guess that’s okay in the sense that we can not avoid each other completely. I felt a small urge to keep the ping pong going, but I focus on the positive side where I was able to stay in control and not fall in with both feet, but just engage a little in a normal way and then let it slide.
This sounds like a rational stance; I think if you can be rational about a very irrational thing like limerance, then you're on your way to wrangling this thing under control. Yay! You did good! 😊
fup
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:45 am
Belgium

Re: This is me coming out for the first time ever!

Post by fup »

L-F wrote: Wed May 10, 2023 11:30 pm Awesome progress fup. It doesn't matter how small that step looks, it's still progress. Even if nothing changes, your awareness is still expanding (just from writing out your thoughts), something most people don't notice.
Thank you so much! It has been very helpful to write here on bad days.
fup
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:45 am
Belgium

Re: This is me coming out for the first time ever!

Post by fup »

Zsababy wrote: Thu May 11, 2023 12:55 pm
fup wrote: Wed May 10, 2023 7:07 pm So LO reached out to day. I replied and just like that we had a ping pong going on like we used to have all the time. You know, in that way that makes me feel like we really have a connection and get each other. I guess that’s okay in the sense that we can not avoid each other completely. I felt a small urge to keep the ping pong going, but I focus on the positive side where I was able to stay in control and not fall in with both feet, but just engage a little in a normal way and then let it slide.
This sounds like a rational stance; I think if you can be rational about a very irrational thing like limerance, then you're on your way to wrangling this thing under control. Yay! You did good! 😊
Thanks. I guess it never really goes away completely and that a fallback is always going to be a risk. But becoming away has been a major eye opener for me. My whole life I thought that something was wrong with me and no box seemed to fit. So learning that it has a name has been such a relief
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