Ending my Emotional Affair

[Sara]

Hello
I have been doing well lately not even checking this website and staying busy and away from the ruminations of limerence.
Well we still continued to text.
Since lockdown started in March we still text everyday.
We have kept each other informed of our lives. Tonight i have insomnia and i have a massive urge to see him physically. I miss him physically and want to see him, hug when im back from holidays. I just wonder when we will be able fo meet. Ill have to snickily meet him no more pretending that we have lunch because we work closeby i actually go out of our way to meet and have a shot of My favorite drug.. pheww it's getting complicated again!! I cant hide the fact that i rlly need him in my life.

[Sara]

Feeling much better!! Thats what 3 weeks abroad and 5months of no meeting with Lo have done for me!
Yeeeeaaaas!!
I have now a different mindset compared to my previous lamentations and dreams of a relationship with Lo.
My mindset is to see him as guy who saw a potential sex friend and went for it.
His plan didnt work out.
He doesnt want a relationship with me.
And so now i am not frenetically waiting for a nice word from him! Ive stopped expecting anything from him.
He is not interested in my well being or happiness or success in life. He just wants sex its basic and not attractive for me. End of story!!

[HopelesslyDevoted]

Well done, it sounds like you see him as he truly is which is half the battle.

It's great that you feel you can move on now and that it's over. Now it's time to focus on realising how important it is to love yourself and let your family love you.

I've always had trouble with that bit but I'm working on it as part my attempt to part with my LO. I now realise that part of why I find it so hard to accept compliments is because of how rocky our initial relationship with him was. Coupled with a family that made constant jokes about my weight growing up and some childhood trauma, my ability to see myself as anything other than broken, ugly and useless is somewhat impaired.

I'm so glad you've found freedom x

[Maddie]

Sara,

That's amazing! I'm so glad to hear that! Everything you wrote is true for "my LO" as well...but unlike you, I took the bait and now have nothing but shame and embarrassment to show for it. I really am so proud of you and I'm happy for you

[John]

Sara, yes, there is some truth in the saying that "men use intimacy to get sex and women use sex to get intimacy".

[Sara]

maddie how are you doing?
Sometimes a break from everything does wonders i highly recommend.
We continue texting with LO though and Although I convince myself that he was only after sex, i just wonder why he keeps fuelling the discussion even if by now he surely knows he cannot obtain sex from me. He reaches out less but still responds and discussions continue. I stop my mind wandering and wondering what if. I cannot see it. Its not a rationale bond at all.
I am silly ive told him im going to office One day next week. Why did i do that? I think i would like us to meet because I miss him. I wouldnt admit it to him. The ball is in his camp clearly. Will he come? I would have asked him directly if i was single. Last time i went close to his place i told him and he wanted to meet for a coffee but I was with my husband so couldnt. This time im alone and he knows it.
It sucks im clearly not out of it and its my fault

[Maddie]

It's such a sticky thing to get out of! Don't beat yourself up...it's tempting to continue doing what we've always done. I do hope that you are unable to meet him. You are just so close to being free (it seems)! You have the clarity to see that the bond is not what you want or need. Keep hanging on to that! remind yourself of that frequently. the temptation is great, I understand that! I have been meaning to journal about the REALITY of my situation so that I don't relapse. maybe today I will do it! I relapsed with the LO big time about a month or so ago. He's backed off and so have I-- which would've hurt in the past, and I guess it still does. see, he will take what I'm offering but he does not really want a bond with me. he can "love me" and leave me. I should have seen this coming. I am more motivated than I've ever been to cut all ties to the man. It's sickening. I have literally risked everything. I pray that I do not go back-- ever.

(please don't copy)

[Sara]

I hate him!!!! Officially hate him.
I told him im going to office now so he told me i convinced him and he decided to go to his office as well at some point. He hasnt been yet.
I asked him when is he coming he texted me pictures of him and his wife for his anniversary ?!!
What ?!!! So yes i hate him.
I m pretty sure he did that as a a revenge because i put a picture of me and my family as a profile pic.
He broke my heart. Literally broke my heart. Hes with his wife in a romantic weekend.
Why am i hurt exactly!? I have a crazy obsession for him its soo not healthy. I cannot get ride of it.
I rlly dont believe a psychologist will help.
I tried repentance.
It doesnt work.
I dont feel bad about it. Maybe all i want is an affair and thats it.
Im a terrible person.
He doesnt want it. He just wants to play and he won so what?!
DEVASTATED
Maybe i should find another guy and have my affair dream done and dusted.
Its my period soon i know its linked i become angry and depressed around this time of my cycle anyway. But the obsession is killing me.

[Lincoln]

Maddie wrote:
> he can "love me" and leave me. I should have seen this
> coming.

Limerence will have you believing he loves you, even if he says it. Love is not about hurting or lying or cheating. Love doesn't hurt like that. That's how I knew limerence wasn't love, because of the pain I was in. A dear friend once told me "men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love". Limerence had us both using each other. There was no 'one' victim we both used emotional manipulation and blackmail to get our fix. Both of us had a reason to use each other whether for sex or to feel loved.

At Maddie, I hope you find the strength to look for love elsewhere. At Sara, I hope you find the strength to do the same. I hated feeling addicted to a person who did not love me, because if they did, they would not have hurt me, nor I them. I'm sorry you feel they are the one, I did too at one point.

[Maddie]

At Lincoln- thank you. No, I know he's not the one! See, I never really believed him, but he did some future faking and there were a handful of times I imagined us together. Yes, he said he loved me, but guess what else? He says "take care of your family. " yes, limerence is not love. I wanna point the finger at him but I didn't display love either.
Sara- my LO would bring up other women a lot and I felt jealous (his wife, other women, and MY BEST friend was the latest). Yeah I can get pissed about it! Lol
But my "give a damn " is busted
Bye bye LO