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- Joined: Sun Nov 10, 2019 6:46 am
Since I last posted, I no longer feel any form of attraction to LO. The feelings faded into first resentment for LO, then shame at myself for putting myself in such a situation, and now something akin to beating the final boss on an extremely difficult video game and realizing that you are in fact capable of such hard things. I'm still NC, and I cannot reestablish even if I wanted to for whatever reason because I have none of her contact info.
I recovered mostly by transferring my attraction to various female anime characters I find attractive. In my case I find security in the fact that these girls aren't actually real, so there's no way they can possibly cause heartbreak
To be honest I feel zero desire to ever pursue a real relationship again, to the point where I would label myself as asexual/aromantic but seeing how I was completely hetero before LO I'm not quite sure.
Thankfully my PTSD-like symptoms have slowed, however I find my anxiety flares around hetero couples and whenever I go in public by myself. My social anxiety has also went up tenfold, with me struggling even to put together a text message let alone talk to people and form friendships.
Currently I do not regret dropping out of high school, I've put up with bullying my whole life and I suppose I ran out of patience to tolerate their B.S. any longer.
In the end nobody is the winner of this situation, however I've grown as a person and I can only hope the others can eventually do the same.
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- Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
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- Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
- Location: Wonderland
I second this. Beta blockers have been so helpful for me. I used to use them for my performance anxiety. And my social anxiety for when after my show was over and I had to talk to people in the audience...
Come to think of it, I might need to get some to have on hand again....
@Xaphan, thanks for the update. That is interesting that you were able to transfer some of your limerence onto fictional characters. I wonder if I could write a fictional character to become obsessed over? Hmmm.
LO is married - with two children
(He lives next door) Partially disclosed - NC is in full force
I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"