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Need support staying away from narcissist.

Discuss your experiences about narcissism and relationships with narcissists here.
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Need support staying away from narcissist.

Post by PhoenixJB »

So... to complicate my limerent matters, I seem to have fallen under the spell of a new guy (NG) who seems to be a narcissist. I even sometimes wonder if I'm starting to go limerent for him. :((

I have my LO of six months and I'd say we are friends now, we message daily though not as much as we used to... it's pretty comfortable... I don't get extreme anxiety after messaging him anymore, as I know he will always respond to me now. I don't know if the limerence for him is fading, but... it's not like it was.

But I started messaging with NG about 3 weeks ago... I didn't realize what was happening at first but soon realized, I think he is a narcissist!! He totally sent me tons of romantic stuff, things that hit directly into my heart and soul. He was so romantic. I ate it up. We scheduled to meet in person and then the very next day... bam!! He goes cold on me. Then blows up on me. Tells me to go tell my lies to someone else and that he never sent me anything 'romantic'. That we are just having fun. I talked with a couple friends and they all agreed, this guy was love-bombing me, then turned on me. I canceled the meetup. We didn't talk for a few days... but then we slowly started talking again. Just casual at first... but then late last week and the first half of this week it was back to the romance, and he even agreed if we met in real life and it was as good as it was online, that likely both of us would catch feelings. Well I sure am a sucker... On Tuesday, I agreed to meet up with him again. We planned for the first weekend in June. Well the very next day he is cold, not messaging, gets mad when I reach out to him, is sending me none of the kissy-face emojis or sweet stuff. Last night we get in another fight. He tells me I'm being drama and acting like we are in a relationship. Then he says he is going to bad and just goes offline. Ugggghhhhhhh....

I get so sucked into the love-bombing even though I know it's no more true and real than a stupid romance novel. My heart is just hungry for it... in fact I found a great quote! "We all eat lies when our hearts are hungry." And tbh I know it's all fake, and yet I still keep checking my phone for him, and if he came back to me with that stuff right now, I would fall for it all over again. I wish I could just tell him off, go NC, and be done. But I'm having some trouble staying strong... and I'm kind of beating myself up for falling for the bullshit. As well as missing the hell out of feeling those feelings he made me feel. This is pure hell. And now it's difficult to separate my feelings and anger for NG, from my feelings and anger at LO.

Anyway. I could use some support or help. Not sure what to do or how to do it...
Last edited by PhoenixJB on Mon May 25, 2020 2:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Need support staying away from narcissist.

Post by WishMagick »

I think the thing here is because it's hurting you, you need to love yourself more than you love this fake romantic talk that he is giving you.

Put yourself first. Always.
If you can enjoy things and be happy, then do that, but if it's causing you pain - walk away. And do it now before you somehow get attached to this NG.

That's the only advice that I can give you. Go full, permanent NC. Block him.

Or if you think the fake romance is worth feeling awful, then keep talking to him. You have a choice. But, I think you should choose you.
I'm Married - with two children
LO is married - with two children
(He lives next door) Partially disclosed - NC is in full force

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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Re: Need support staying away from narcissist.

Post by Cookie »

The fact that you've gone from one to another tells you how fake these "feelings" are, Phoenix. I say this with no judgment...this was me also.

Until you stare down what role these guys (objects) are playing in your life, the horrific roller coaster will continue. And it just gets worse as we get older.

I also couldn't help noticing the title of your thread: "Need support staying away from narcissist." This was a new breakthrough for me with the most recent LO, but what you're doing by coming here with the same old stories is just prolonging dependency.

We can all offer you advice, but the person you need to support you is YOU. If you aren't willing to do that, there's only so much anyone can say or do.

And BTW, your "new guy" sounds completely awful. Eww.

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Re: Need support staying away from narcissist.

Post by NoDayDreaming »

PhoenixJB, looks like you transferred LE from LO to NG. you better stop it now before you get hurt too much. now, that you see the pattern, it should be easier. where do you find those scumbags? (LOL)
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

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Re: Need support staying away from narcissist.

Post by dian »

Hi Phoenix,
love your name, go for the meaning of your name, start again out of the ashes....
Your experience sounds familiar to me,
Are you angry at all, about the way hes treating you?
If not, look for the feelings within you
For me, I had to realise , re feel step by step stuff out of my childhood, so maybe the ashes you have to rise again have their roots earlier in your life, (as is for manyof us)
Hug you, you will make it

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Re: Need support staying away from narcissist.

Post by JupiterTaco »

Agreed with all of the above. Next time somebody downplays what's going on, such as this guy claiming you're acting like you're in a relationship, it's the perfect time to say, "well what are you doing with me? I'm looking for a relationship (if you are), many people are." And leave it at that.

Jeez, even spelling that out makes me feel icky, having grown up with my mother and her games and plausible deniability. It was never cool to expect a close relationship with another person. It's not icky to cut off someone who is playing with you.
"My poor baby, he's so confused. He doesn't realize she's a whore!"-Lorna Morello, Orange Is The New Black

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