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I am affraid of what if i have limerence

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Pierro
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed May 20, 2020 2:05 pm
Italy

I am affraid of what if i have limerence

Post by Pierro »

Hello everyone,

i want to ask you if you think that i have limerence, because i find this term totally randomly and it scares me that what if it's true. I met a girl at my high school and i really like her and she likes me, too. It was 6 years ago. We were on same wave and i was really in love with her. I liked to make her laugh, and she also knew how to made me laught. I really wanted to make her day quite special. Sometimes i stay after school and wait for her because i wanted to make her smile and wished her a nice day. Sometimes i dreamed about her. I think that all of pairs went through this feelings and is absolutely normal. I was really surprised by myself because before that i met her i was quite egocentric and selfish. But with her i felt that i wanted to make her happy and smiling. She was so beautiful when she is smiling. We knew each other quite well because we spend a lot of time together in same class. I was quite shy but i wanted to say her that i love her, because i feel that. So one day i took courage and i write her that i love her. She told me that she fell it the same way. We start dating and it was really great. Our relationship was full of kisses, hughs, touches, we were laughing and all these loving moments. We also felt attracted to each other and we have a great sex all the time. We spend a lot of romantic moments and i think i am quite romantic soul so sometimes i wanted to make for her some surprise for example that i brought her a flowers or draw her some picture (i like drawing) or write her some love letter. And she also made a lot of suprises and romantic moments for me. We had a really great feeling to each other and we were also really opened to each other. She told me eveything about her and i told her everything about me. Each of us had some flaws but we love each other. I've never judged her for something bad because i understand that. I always wanted to understand her in each situations. Sometimes we argued but it was nothing seriously. At start when we argued we felt angry but someone of us always came to the other and say sorry. Then we found out that arguing is unimportant because it just took time for nothing. We don't arguing anymore. Yes sometimes yes but we love moments when we can be together so we don't wasting time by arguing. We have a different opinions for example for politics, but i accept it and i told to my woman that it is not so important to argue about that. I always feel that she make me a better person. I don't know hot to explain it but i always argue with someone i live really fast life i wanted to be successful in job, have a lot of money and this stuffs. But with my woman i feel like i have everything. Yes of course i like my job and i spend a lot of time in job and thinking about job. But when i am really stressed about job or something i always remind that i have my great woman and then i calm down and look forward for evening with her. We also help each other. I always want to solve her problems first and then job. When she has some problem in work for example she writes me and i try to help her. Her problems are on first place because she is much more important for me than job or some other things. So i want to say that we really love each other, we respect each other, we are not selfish, we love romance, we love common moments :). I also want to say you that i have OCD it occurs maybe 3 years ago. It was HOCD and it was terrible i really feel terrible but my woman help me with that. She was really really supportive and i am so much thankful to her. It dissapeared after a year. And i know that OCD never dissapear i really feels good and haven't got any bad thoughts. Now i have some problems with ROCD it starts totally random but it is not so terrible because i know and feel that i love my woman so i just have it and try to be fine :) And now that problem. I am googling about some article with ROCD and one of my eye catch word like limerence. I don't know what is it so i google it and what popups to me was: "Limerence is like real love but it is not love, it is just obsession"... And after this sentence my heart totally start beating and as it is in OCD life i start worrying that what if i don't love my woman and what if that is just something that call limerence... I start worrying that what if i am with my woman for 6 years and what if it is not real love as i feel all the time ... I start to read some symptoms and make some random quiz about limerence and i start think about our past if i ever felt like the articles describes the limerence ... I know that it is some kind of reciprocation obsession and you live in some fantasy and you thing that your LO is your soulmate and you cannot imagine life without her and you want to spend your whole time with her and she can not go with her friends because you just want to have her for yourself and you are jealous and these kind of symptoms... and i also feel that my woman is my soulmate, i want to live with her forever... i don't think that it is something bad... every man in relationship which love her woman wants to live with her forever ... i am not that man that say to my woman that "you are one of many" ... i say to my wife that she is special for me ... i think that it is nothing bad or something obsessed ... we sometimes dream about our life ... because now we don't have own home so we think about how we will furnish our house ... yes we are romantic souls so we think about candles, dancing together in our bedroom ... yes it is fantasy but i don't think that it means that we don't truly love each other .... and we trust each other in all ways, my woman can go with her friends out without me and i can go also with my friend ... we are not jealous at all ... when we are together i feel to be really happy and loved by her .. and i really love moments with her ... and then when we are not together for example for a week i don't feel some kind of depression or that i can't work in job and these things... i feel that i miss her so we write a message after work or at night ... and reciprocation of feelings? i don't ask her to tell me how she loves me ... i know it and i feel it... yes when we had a hard times and we cannot be together for some reason i sometimes worried about if she still loves me and if she think about me ... i think it is quite normal to worried about these feelings even when you feel it and know it ... i am just really affraid that i have limerence ... because i don't want to be because i feel that it is real love i just worried because you know OCD will convince you of anything ... sorry for long reading and thanks to anyone who respond and help me
Last edited by Pierro on Thu May 28, 2020 8:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Chuck
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 11:04 pm
Canada

Re: I am affraid of what if i have limerence

Post by Chuck »

Hi Pierro,

There are a lot of feelings and ideas crammed into this post, and I can see that you wrestling with some pretty intense emotions.

With that said, if you are in a relationship with each other and have these intense feelings for each other, that's not a bad thing.
I think that the questions I would have are, are you happy? Are you content with this relationship? Do you feel secure? If so, then it just sounds like you have found something really great.

If, on the other hand, there is an underlying unhappiness, discontent or even fear, then there may be more here for you to examine.
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist saying

Pierro
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed May 20, 2020 2:05 pm
Italy

Re: I am affraid of what if i have limerence

Post by Pierro »

Thanks for your reply. Yes i know that i've written a long story :D ... I am really happy with her and i really love her ... i don't know how to explain it but we are together 6 years and we means for each other so much ... we like common moments, we are happy together, sometimes we make a surprise for each other, we also say to each other how much we loved ... i feel really great with her it's so peaceful moments ... i always want the best for her and i try to give her the best what i can ... and she too for me... it feels like unconditional love... you know when i have a lot of work in job and i have to think about job, finances and this kind of things i feel stressed ... but always when i come to her and i see her it's like being in the most peaceful place in the world ... i like to catch her hand, hug her, kiss her and tell her how much i love her ... she is really supportive, i feel with her happy, loved, secure and peacefully ... And i know that i have OCD about a lot of things, about car (i always control it 2 or 3 times if i lock it), about house if i turn off oven or iron and this kind of things ... And now i just only read about limerence totally randomly ... i didn't search for that because i have some kind of symptoms, i just searching for something else and google throw article where there was something about limerence so i read about it and i start to worried because my OCD Head generate this kind of sentence: "What if you are not in true love but in limerence" ... and you know i feel that i love my woman and she loves me but my OCD just tell me that "WHAT IF" and i start to worried ... that's why i write to this forum ... because i know that i am not in limerence just my OCD head need to be sure that i don't have limerence .... You know it's like when you are for 100% sure that you turned off iron but your OCD mind just say that what if you didn't turn off iron and your house burn out, so you'll go to check it and for sure it is turned off ... that is how i feel know i know what i feel for my wife just my OCD need to be sure that it is ok

User avatar
Chuck
Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 11:04 pm
Canada

Re: I am affraid of what if i have limerence

Post by Chuck »

There are more learned folk on here than I, but, I think you are probably safe. If the two of you are happy together and have been for 6 years, then what you are involved in is, in my opinion, a very real relationship. Limerence is more about a frustrated and unrequited feeling of love. It's an obsessive need to be reassured and to be given value by another person, often as an escape from some other problem in life.

If you were limerent,I think you would know, because you would be MISERABLE trying to cope with the reality that she has no actual interest in you and that she is ultimately unattainable. That doesn't sound like what is happening here.

If being OCD is creating problems for you, then you may want to look for help with that, but if the two of you are happy together, be happy together.
"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."
Buddhist saying

Pierro
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed May 20, 2020 2:05 pm
Italy

Re: I am affraid of what if i have limerence

Post by Pierro »

Yes i understand thanks for your reply. And you said that if somebody has limerence you would be MISERABLE trying to cope with the reality that she has no actual interest in you and that she is ultimately unattainable. But it also can happen in real relationship because when two couples for example break up it hurts and always one of them (or both) feels terrible because the another person which was in his/her life lost the interest and he or she still loves her partner. Because then every person in the world had limerence and true love will not exist.

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