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I just saw the "glimmer" for someone else!!

For those not quite ready to start looking at their limerence as a condition that needs working on.
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WishMagick
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I just saw the "glimmer" for someone else!!

Post by WishMagick » Mon Mar 23, 2020 7:00 pm

Oh lord, help me!

It's more like felt, rather than saw.
I talked to my oral surgeon on the phone on Friday and before I got on the phone with him I was a wreck! I was crying, anxious, depressed. His voice was so confident, calming, reassuring. I loved the way he was explaining everything to me. Very detailed, but, in a way that I could understand.

I even thought, "Oh boy, this guy sounds like he's CUTE".

Yep. He is. He's very handsome. Very funny. He's very good at his job. Ughhhhhhhh!! Definitely someone that I could be limerent for!!!

And I recognized the glimmer even before I saw him!!! I heard it in his voice!! WTF?!?

I can't stop thinking about him now. His first name is the same name as LO #4. Hilarious.

My husband thinks this is funny, of course. And he's suggesting that I transfer my limerence over to this guy. My husband has already internet stalked him and said he was impressive.

What the heck should I do? Go with it?? He is also married with children. DH thinks it's better to be limerent for ANY other person than our next door neighbor. I'm not sure that I agree....

What say all of ye?
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old
(He lives next door)

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

MrSpock
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Re: I just saw the "glimmer" for someone else!!

Post by MrSpock » Tue Mar 24, 2020 1:13 am

Oh.... well, let me put this way:

We like to think of limerence as an addiction. In this view, we are addicted to the unrivaled elation that results from our interactions with LO, real or imagined.
Now, if we trace a parallel between our addiction and drug addiction, the LO would be a dealer.

And... well. I'm not sure how much switching dealers can help.

Sure, it can be easier on some areas such as not having to see him at unpredictable times. But, who knows what other differences there might be and whether those are for the best or far worse. For example, what if this doc is not a nice respectable person and ends up reeling you in onto a much much bigger nightmare?

Having said that... I totally get you because the same almost happened to me: as a measure against my current LE I started taking singing lessons (almost two years by now... wow), and guess what? before I knew it, I was falling really hard for my singing teacher, yet another hot, beautiful, funny and gorgeous 20-some girl (a type now officially labelled as my kryptonite). Except that, the transfer button was broken or whatever because I didn't end up with another LO, I ended up with two! At the same time! Trust me, that really is not funny.

Fortunately, having simultaneously two LO's meant double the pain, double the trouble, so as soon as I realized what was happening I fought it harder than ever. And for whatever magical reason, limerence for the singing teacher lasted only a few months, even though I kept seeing her (until recently when she quite the school and I continued with another teacher, a male this time).

Idiotic
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Re: I just saw the "glimmer" for someone else!!

Post by Idiotic » Tue Mar 24, 2020 2:50 am

MrSpock wrote:
Tue Mar 24, 2020 1:13 am
before I knew it, I was falling really hard for my singing teacher, yet another hot, beautiful, funny and gorgeous 20-some girl (a type now officially labelled as my kryptonite). Except that, the transfer button was broken or whatever because I didn't end up with another LO, I ended up with two! At the same time! Trust me, that really is not funny.

.
Hahaha. Sorry Mr Spock but it is kina funny... Only cos I know you handled it.
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

Idiotic
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Re: I just saw the "glimmer" for someone else!!

Post by Idiotic » Tue Mar 24, 2020 2:53 am

I would agree with your husband. Transfer it to someone who doesn live next door. And all the while keep working on yourself to make decrease the intensity of LE. I've figured out LE is kind of my attachment style now, whenever I meet some new girl, or even something I like , it gives me anxiety and I get obsessed ..but ever since I've been working on myself, I can indentify it for what it is and it doesn't make me suffer like it did before. It makes me suffer a bit, but thats part of being alive lol
I keep dancing on my own - Robyn

peter.rabbit
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Re: I just saw the "glimmer" for someone else!!

Post by peter.rabbit » Tue Mar 24, 2020 3:03 am

WishMagick wrote:
Mon Mar 23, 2020 7:00 pm
My husband thinks this is funny, of course. And he's suggesting that I transfer my limerence over to this guy. My husband has already internet stalked him and said he was impressive
Your husband is quite amazing, my SO would be looking for a divorce attorney if she knew about my Limerence....
Married.
In LE with married LO :-\

MrSpock
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Re: I just saw the "glimmer" for someone else!!

Post by MrSpock » Tue Mar 24, 2020 3:32 am

Idiotic wrote:
Tue Mar 24, 2020 2:50 am
MrSpock wrote:
Tue Mar 24, 2020 1:13 am
before I knew it, I was falling really hard for my singing teacher, yet another hot, beautiful, funny and gorgeous 20-some girl (a type now officially labelled as my kryptonite). Except that, the transfer button was broken or whatever because I didn't end up with another LO, I ended up with two! At the same time! Trust me, that really is not funny.

.
Hahaha. Sorry Mr Spock but it is kina funny... Only cos I know you handled it.
Hahaha, OK, in retrospect, it really is :))

Pity this isn't the kind of thing I can talk about in a party!

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WishMagick
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Re: I just saw the "glimmer" for someone else!!

Post by WishMagick » Tue Mar 24, 2020 3:59 am

MrSpock wrote:
Tue Mar 24, 2020 1:13 am

Sure, it can be easier on some areas such as not having to see him at unpredictable times. But, who knows what other differences there might be and whether those are for the best or far worse. For example, what if this doc is not a nice respectable person and ends up reeling you in onto a much much bigger nightmare?
Omg. I hadn't really thought of that! Current LO is definitely a good guy that I am 99.9% sure wouldn't take advantage of me, even if he knew what I felt for him. Whereas this guy is a surgeon...so....he's bound to be a full-on narc, right? lol
Thanks for pointing that out, @MrSpock!
Idiotic wrote:
Tue Mar 24, 2020 2:53 am
I would agree with your husband. Transfer it to someone who doesn live next door. And all the while keep working on yourself to make decrease the intensity of LE.
But what about what @MrSpock said? Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't know - right? Wait...is that the saying! =))
I am working on myself and it seems like I can't stop this from happening! Maybe that is my attachment style as well. This seems like just a part of me. But, I have no idea how to control it and to stop it from driving me crazy.
peter.rabbit wrote:
Tue Mar 24, 2020 3:03 am
WishMagick wrote:
Mon Mar 23, 2020 7:00 pm
My husband thinks this is funny, of course. And he's suggesting that I transfer my limerence over to this guy. My husband has already internet stalked him and said he was impressive
Your husband is quite amazing, my SO would be looking for a divorce attorney if she knew about my Limerence....
I like it when people remind me of this. He really is. I've never met anyone as secure with themselves as he is. I don't even understand HOW someone can be so secure and understanding. I think I'm understanding, but if my husband became limerent for someone else, I would immediately think that it was because of my inadequacy.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old
(He lives next door)

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

MrSpock
Posts: 923
Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:39 pm
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Gender:
Age: 49
Argentina

Re: I just saw the "glimmer" for someone else!!

Post by MrSpock » Tue Mar 24, 2020 7:44 pm

WishMagick wrote:
Tue Mar 24, 2020 3:59 am
peter.rabbit wrote:
Tue Mar 24, 2020 3:03 am
WishMagick wrote:
Mon Mar 23, 2020 7:00 pm
My husband thinks this is funny, of course. And he's suggesting that I transfer my limerence over to this guy. My husband has already internet stalked him and said he was impressive
Your husband is quite amazing, my SO would be looking for a divorce attorney if she knew about my Limerence....
I like it when people remind me of this. He really is. I've never met anyone as secure with themselves as he is. I don't even understand HOW someone can be so secure and understanding. I think I'm understanding, but if my husband became limerent for someone else, I would immediately think that it was because of my inadequacy.
From everything you posted here so far, I would say that it is not just that he is secure and understanding, it is also that you are not really giving him any actual reason to feel inadequate or any such thing.

For many here, limerence was a wake up call to the inadequacy of their marriage. But that's not the case for anyone. And I think you've shown how it is NOT your case at all.

Is not that your husband is perfect and better than LO in every possible way. No one is perfect, so anyone is better than somebody else in one or another aspect. And viceversa.
If you find your LO being more than your husband at this or that, say he's sexier, funnier, taller, whatever... it doesn't really matter. And it doesn't because all those things play a big role when we are searching for a partner, when we are "falling" in love... but once a relationship is already built up, those traits become secondary, and the bonds forged and worlds built become the pillars of the relationship.

If you husband understands THAT (as he seems to), then he doesn't have anything to worry regardless of your limerence.

In your case, at least from what I can read here, you choose your husband over anyone else, not just for everything but in spite of everything as well. And one one can compete with that, even if he brings about a tsunami of emotions.

OK, maybe I'm just speaking about how I feel about my own wife and how she should have nothing to worry about. But from your posts, I'd say the same about you.


Here's a song I totally picture you singing to your husband (not LO):


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WishMagick
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Re: I just saw the "glimmer" for someone else!!

Post by WishMagick » Tue Mar 24, 2020 10:26 pm

MrSpock wrote:
Tue Mar 24, 2020 7:44 pm

If you find your LO being more than your husband at this or that, say he's sexier, funnier, taller, whatever... it doesn't really matter. And it doesn't because all those things play a big role when we are searching for a partner, when we are "falling" in love... but once a relationship is already built up, those traits become secondary, and the bonds forged and worlds built become the pillars of the relationship.

If you husband understands THAT (as he seems to), then he doesn't have anything to worry regardless of your limerence.
Once again, you've nailed it! He doesn't have anything to worry about. Let's say LO reciprocated my feelings. I still wouldn't leave my husband for him. That would definitely be the stupidest thing I could ever do! lol!

And that song totally reminds me of my husband!
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old
(He lives next door)

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

moreissuesthanvogue
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Re: I just saw the "glimmer" for someone else!!

Post by moreissuesthanvogue » Sat Mar 28, 2020 6:07 pm

Just curious. If you are able to transfer(I wish I could) would you be able to just transfer to your husband?

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