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Do you want to know what I did?

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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Do you want to know what I did?

Post by moonbeams1225 » Sun Mar 22, 2020 1:24 pm

In case any of you feel cringey about your behavior or feelings, pull up a chair and listen to what my dumb ass did yesterday. My face is red as I speak. Ok, for starters, not last night but the night before, I sent him 3 emails in the middle of the night. One was at around 2 am and the others at 3 am. One email was about 5 paragraphs about my love and agony over him and how I can’t stand to see him pine over his girlfriend. One other email was an unsent message about me stalking him at work and my observation that he never notices me, and the last one was about how I want him sexually, and I went into extreme vulgar detail. :(

Oh, it gets worse...

Then yesterday, he didn’t respond to the emails, but he asked me something about work, so of course my limerent brain sees that as reciprocation and not just what it was- him trying to diffuse the awkwardness and letting me have an outlet to move past the confessions. So, I snapchat him a picture of me in a cute but sexy dress, and he wrote back that it looks nice on me. So, I take it a step further and send him a nude photo. :(

He never said anything... so after an hour, I messaged him and said sorry. He said, “for what?” and I said “ for sending that pic.”
He replies, “ I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to lead you on.”

No, I couldn’t stop there. I broke down, crying, telling him that I love him and I’m obsessed with him and broken. I pestered him all day, even though he kept saying he had to go do stuff. He flat out told me he does not love me and does not want to be with me ever. :((

Now I have this overwhelming feeling of shame and despair. I know I broke down over the stress that I can’t see him at work because of the quarantine. I probably won’t see him ever again because I’m taking a new job in a few month. The thought of never seeing him again made me spiral out of control.

So, if you’re worried about anything you’ve done, please just consider my dumbass, and please don’t do what I did- I went off the deep end completely and will never recover my dignity. Oh, and I threatened to ruin things with his girlfriend and “cursed” him like a hex/spell. CRINGE :ymapplause:
Married with co-worker LO My current goal: NC until he gives me the attention I want ( never went longer than 4 days :-o and whenever I feel like contacting him, I will come here.

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Re: Do you want to know what I did?

Post by AlizehKhan » Sun Mar 22, 2020 3:11 pm

Don't beat urself up. What's done is done . You are accepting that you have crossed limits and that's a sign.
I suggest that u take a break. Try not thinking about this.
It's hard but try distracting yourself in other activities . Keep small goals. Take it week by week.
Don't talk or text or email him at all. You need to start NC yet again. And very strongly this time
Again we all have done such things. Stop beating yourself up. May be this incident gave you clarity on how he feels about you

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Re: Do you want to know what I did?

Post by WishMagick » Sun Mar 22, 2020 5:05 pm

I did most of that stuff with my first LE. I didn't do the nude thing because at the time I had never done anything sexual and I was only 14 years old when I met LO #1 - so I just wasn't "there" yet. But, I did all the detailed confession and the desperate pleas, all of that.

I did something similar during the LE I had before this one...

Even though you're telling us you are the example of what not to do - I WISH I could do that!!! Because then I would get rejected and I could move on. But, instead I have to keep everything inside. Sometimes I think it's worth it to lose my dignity because I want to be over this more than I want self respect! LOL!

You'll be ok. Especially if you start NC and keep with it. It's going to be very painful at first, but you have us here. Write in the text / email dump thread when you feel like messaging him. Go all out. Write out exactly what you'd say to him. I find this helps me quite a bit.
You definitely have to forgive yourself. You can reclaim all you think you've lost. By moving on from this and not looking back.

Sending you strength, and hugs!
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old
(He lives next door)

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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