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Need a spport in form of email/chat friend

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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AlizehKhan
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2020 5:24 pm
Gender:
India

Need a spport in form of email/chat friend

Post by AlizehKhan » Thu Mar 19, 2020 6:46 pm

So I am new to this forum and after reading people’s experiences I am very sure I have Limerence.
I have a request from the people of this group but before that let me share my story.
I am a 32 year old married female and unfortunately my spouse not my LO ☹
Sex life in my marriage has been a doom since the beginning.

How it started: Me and LO worked in same project but in different cities. We are still in different cities. In 2017 he contacted me for work stuff on our office communicator (OC). It started that way and things escalated quickly. He flirted and I responded. I felt pretty & desired in a long time. I could not stop myself. We both knew we were married and occasionally revealed our individual not so great marriages to each other.
He then started contacting me on phone and whatsapp as well.
Towards 2018 he started distancing. I was left on read multiple times and it bothered me so much. It turned into a big obsession due to that. We only chatted long conversations only when he wanted to and he initiated the chat. If I initiated it was always a small conversation. I was always left asking for more.
In 2019, I stopped initiating any conversations, phone calls got rare and only whatsapp chats were happening whenever he texted me. I would change my WhatsApp profile picture every 2 weeks to get his attention. I knew he was physically attracted to me. I would put p the best pictures and status updates and got his attention that way.
We sexted once in 2019 and never again. This was a little while after he told me he got separated from his wife.
I have met him in person twice in 2017 but never been phycially intimate with him. Both were like fun dates.

Current situation in 2020: I blocked him on whatsapp in feb 2020. He reached out to me on OC and asked why cant he text me anymore. I said I uninstalld whatsapp from my phone. He believed that. He cannot en see my DP anymore.
Also I have stopped changing my profile pics as I know he cant see them anyways and no one else matters to me when to comes to this. I have stopped posting status updates as well. Good for me. Something worked.

After all of this I am constantly thinking of him. That is one thing that has not changed ever. He does not know about my obsession as I have always good at pretending to be not so interested or somewhat interested. He must thnk I am casually attracted to him at same level as his own.

Help needed: I want a one on one chat/email companion from this group to help me through the obsessive thinking. He still messages m once in 2 weeks on OC and I cannot control urge to text him back. I always want to know what he is upto. He is separated so I keep thinking if he is dating someone in his city. May be he is. He is allowed to. I think he keeps in touch with me just to know my situation and if I ever break up with my husband.
I know him well and my intelligence tells me that if we were to get in a relationship it wont work out because he is kind of friendly to lot of females. We will always have commitment, trust issues. He has accepted being in touch with one of his ex also with whom he shared passionate intimacy in past.

Limberman
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Feb 23, 2020 12:05 am
Great Britain

Re: Need a spport in form of email/chat friend

Post by Limberman » Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:19 am

Welcome to the forum. I think you can post your issues and concerns on this forum. You will get a variety of opinions and experiences. I think would be far more valuable to you than any one to one chat.

I would be concerned that you would open yourself up for exploitation in any one on one private chats.

AlizehKhan
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2020 5:24 pm
Gender:
India

Re: Need a spport in form of email/chat friend

Post by AlizehKhan » Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:30 am

Feeling strong urge to contact him. OR unblck him on whatsapp so he can contact me

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NoDayDreaming
Posts: 1394
Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
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United States of America

Re: Need a spport in form of email/chat friend

Post by NoDayDreaming » Sat Mar 21, 2020 2:55 am

please don't contact him. maybe you'll feel a short term relieve, but you'll open yourself to more suffering in the long term.
Last edited by NoDayDreaming on Sat Mar 21, 2020 4:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

JupiterTaco
Posts: 4102
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Need a spport in form of email/chat friend

Post by JupiterTaco » Sat Mar 21, 2020 4:02 am

Yeah don't do that, just post here.
"The mind is like a muscle. If you want it to be really powerful you've gotta work it out!"-Louanne Johnson, Dangerous Minds

L-F
Posts: 2788
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Need a spport in form of email/chat friend

Post by L-F » Mon Mar 23, 2020 2:01 am

Limberman wrote:
Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:19 am
I would be concerned that you would open yourself up for exploitation in any one on one private chats.
I second this.
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
@};-

Paulistanno
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Aug 19, 2019 3:42 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Need a spport in form of email/chat friend

Post by Paulistanno » Sun Mar 29, 2020 2:58 pm

I understand your situation and frustration. I think we're all here can help you a little bit more than just contacting one person or 2 whatever. So I am trying NC for the third time in 10 years. The last 2 did not work and I still thinking about her even while I am writing this for you. I don't know what to say but what I know is you are not alone and be brave.
This is not forever!

Cookie
Posts: 851
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: Need a spport in form of email/chat friend

Post by Cookie » Sun Mar 29, 2020 3:29 pm

AlizehKhan wrote:
Fri Mar 20, 2020 12:30 am
Feeling strong urge to contact him. OR unblck him on whatsapp so he can contact me
Hi Alize and welcome. Those online and social media things add to the obsessive insanity of this, as you are seeing. I found that a key to recovery was taking a break from social media for at least a week -- and that means none. Hard especially now when our movements are restricted, but fill that time with something else...reading, baking, crafts, even watching Netflix or whatever.

In terms of the need for a chat partner, I see it a bit differently than others on here. In other addiction recovery, you have a sponsor to give you that one-on-one support when you are bottoming out. The only problem is it can lead to codependency. I have found friends here that I was able to communicate with by email, but we refrained from true chat because it starts to consume your day and way too much time and energy on THIS subject.

I would just encourage you to stay on the forum and meet people here. If the connection is right, you will likely find a friend you can talk to individually. Honestly...a trained counselor would be a better bet.

Hope you are doing okay in these crazy times. @};-
Person

JupiterTaco
Posts: 4102
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Need a spport in form of email/chat friend

Post by JupiterTaco » Mon Mar 30, 2020 1:12 am

This may help a lot of people here, I just found a website called wearehearted.com, free counseling. Will hit that up.
"The mind is like a muscle. If you want it to be really powerful you've gotta work it out!"-Louanne Johnson, Dangerous Minds

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