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- Joined: Thu Mar 19, 2020 5:24 pm
I have a request from the people of this group but before that let me share my story.
I am a 32 year old married female and unfortunately my spouse not my LO ☹
Sex life in my marriage has been a doom since the beginning.
How it started: Me and LO worked in same project but in different cities. We are still in different cities. In 2017 he contacted me for work stuff on our office communicator (OC). It started that way and things escalated quickly. He flirted and I responded. I felt pretty & desired in a long time. I could not stop myself. We both knew we were married and occasionally revealed our individual not so great marriages to each other.
He then started contacting me on phone and whatsapp as well.
Towards 2018 he started distancing. I was left on read multiple times and it bothered me so much. It turned into a big obsession due to that. We only chatted long conversations only when he wanted to and he initiated the chat. If I initiated it was always a small conversation. I was always left asking for more.
In 2019, I stopped initiating any conversations, phone calls got rare and only whatsapp chats were happening whenever he texted me. I would change my WhatsApp profile picture every 2 weeks to get his attention. I knew he was physically attracted to me. I would put p the best pictures and status updates and got his attention that way.
We sexted once in 2019 and never again. This was a little while after he told me he got separated from his wife.
I have met him in person twice in 2017 but never been phycially intimate with him. Both were like fun dates.
Current situation in 2020: I blocked him on whatsapp in feb 2020. He reached out to me on OC and asked why cant he text me anymore. I said I uninstalld whatsapp from my phone. He believed that. He cannot en see my DP anymore.
Also I have stopped changing my profile pics as I know he cant see them anyways and no one else matters to me when to comes to this. I have stopped posting status updates as well. Good for me. Something worked.
After all of this I am constantly thinking of him. That is one thing that has not changed ever. He does not know about my obsession as I have always good at pretending to be not so interested or somewhat interested. He must thnk I am casually attracted to him at same level as his own.
Help needed: I want a one on one chat/email companion from this group to help me through the obsessive thinking. He still messages m once in 2 weeks on OC and I cannot control urge to text him back. I always want to know what he is upto. He is separated so I keep thinking if he is dating someone in his city. May be he is. He is allowed to. I think he keeps in touch with me just to know my situation and if I ever break up with my husband.
I know him well and my intelligence tells me that if we were to get in a relationship it wont work out because he is kind of friendly to lot of females. We will always have commitment, trust issues. He has accepted being in touch with one of his ex also with whom he shared passionate intimacy in past.
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- Joined: Sun Feb 23, 2020 12:05 am
I would be concerned that you would open yourself up for exploitation in any one on one private chats.
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I second this.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
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- Joined: Mon Aug 19, 2019 3:42 pm
This is not forever!
- Posts: 851
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
Hi Alize and welcome. Those online and social media things add to the obsessive insanity of this, as you are seeing. I found that a key to recovery was taking a break from social media for at least a week -- and that means none. Hard especially now when our movements are restricted, but fill that time with something else...reading, baking, crafts, even watching Netflix or whatever.
In terms of the need for a chat partner, I see it a bit differently than others on here. In other addiction recovery, you have a sponsor to give you that one-on-one support when you are bottoming out. The only problem is it can lead to codependency. I have found friends here that I was able to communicate with by email, but we refrained from true chat because it starts to consume your day and way too much time and energy on THIS subject.
I would just encourage you to stay on the forum and meet people here. If the connection is right, you will likely find a friend you can talk to individually. Honestly...a trained counselor would be a better bet.
Hope you are doing okay in these crazy times.
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