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UPDATE: BROKE NC - Modified NC - Experiment #2

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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WishMagick
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UPDATE: BROKE NC - Modified NC - Experiment #2

Post by WishMagick » Sun Mar 15, 2020 12:30 am

Ok. Just a quick recap on my situation and an explanation of why I am using these terms.

My LO lives next door, so TRUE NC is not even possible.

And I am also not LC because I can't control when I see or speak to him. And our kids are friends, so a lot of times I have to message him....about his kids.

My definition of NC means not messaging him on Facebook or texting him on his phone.

I managed to not message him for 1 month and 2 days. Then I broke it by asking him if he was ok after he busted his eyelid open.

I want to try to avoid messaging him again for at least 2 to 3 weeks because it seemed like I saw him more in person when I wasn't messaging him!
And by no fault of mine!!!

I noticed he came to my house more. He came outside when I was outside more...

I know this is not a good reason for NC. I am doing this to investigate. That's bad. I know.

But, this could be fun!!!
I want to see if it happens again!! If I don't see it happening again, then I can keep up with not messaging him. Indefinitely.

Today is day 1.

So far, I have ZERO desire to message him.
I'm still feeling really awful about our last chat. So that's the last thing I want to do!
Last edited by WishMagick on Tue Mar 24, 2020 6:39 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old
(He lives next door)

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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WishMagick
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Re: Modified NC Experiment #2

Post by WishMagick » Mon Mar 16, 2020 4:18 pm

Day 3

Still don't really want to message him. I don't want to see him either.
I haven't seen him. He went outside once because he had to get groceries. But, otherwise, he's been holed up in his house with his family.

His wife texted me.

I did click like on two of his FB posts, though x_x
Which probably negates this whole NC thing? But, I am focusing on no direct messaging.

It seems that him viewing and liking my posts and me doing the same to him is our way of admitting we like each other, and him not messaging me is his way of saying that he likes me, but he's never going to do anything about it. I thought about that really hard and it's fine. That's how it should be.
And he wouldn't actually BE this great guy that I feel he is if he tried to do anything about his feelings for me!

Onward with my experiment! Though, I am not sure I will actually see him more in person due to this COVID-19 self quarantining! His children are sick with something respiratory right now (could be coronavirus!!! we don't know!) so no one in their house is going outside.

If I didn't see him for a month, that would be fine with me!
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old
(He lives next door)

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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WishMagick
Posts: 548
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Re: Modified NC Experiment #2

Post by WishMagick » Mon Mar 16, 2020 4:40 pm

What is wrong with me!?!?

I liked, and then COMMENTED on one of his posts just now. It was important, though!!! It was a very serious and important petition he shared. I signed the petition, and I commented that I signed. And I think I am going to share his post to my husband's timeline so he can sign it too. It has to do with the pandemic and our city and it's important.

That was the first time I've ever commented on one of his posts. At least it wasn't a personal post :-??
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old
(He lives next door)

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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WishMagick
Posts: 548
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
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Re: Modified NC Experiment #2

Post by WishMagick » Wed Mar 18, 2020 4:36 pm

Day 5

Finally, today I am tempted. I am mostly tempted to click "like" on a post he made last night. He usually only posts political memes with a word or sentence to go along with it. This time he wrote a paragraph of his own thoughts. Which I agree with wholeheartedly. We have the same political ideology so I'm always tempted to like every single thing he posts. But, I don't. I'm trying to hold back because if I like his posts a lot, he stops liking mine. I don't know why. And maybe it's a coincidence or there's really no rhyme or reason to it.

And I'm slightly tempted to message him - but I can't. No matter what I do, I can't do that.

I'm getting a little nervous because I haven't seen him and I probably won't see him for a long time. I haven't even seen him through my window! So if I cut off contact with messages, it will be pretty close to NC. Especially if we're not liking each other's posts. But, I still see them, and read them.

I thought I could handle this, but it's proving to be much more difficult than I imagined.

I have to remember how snubbed I felt with the last message he sent me. Even if he didn't mean to do that, that's how I took it and that is how I could take something else he says. So it's best to not even go there!

ETA: I just went ahead and clicked like on his status. Real friends don't make a big deal out of things like this. If I want to be his real friend, I shouldn't overthink things like this. But, I'm still not going to message him. There's no point in doing that. Not at this moment in time.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old
(He lives next door)

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

peter.rabbit
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Re: Modified NC Experiment #2

Post by peter.rabbit » Fri Mar 20, 2020 4:48 am

WishMagick wrote:
Wed Mar 18, 2020 4:36 pm
I have to remember how snubbed I felt with the last message he sent me. Even if he didn't mean to do that, that's how I took it and that is how I could take something else he says. So it's best to not even go there!
Those feelings+thoughts are so like mine!
WishMagick wrote:
Wed Mar 18, 2020 4:36 pm
ETA: I just went ahead and clicked like on his status. Real friends don't make a big deal out of things like this. If I want to be his real friend, I shouldn't overthink things like this. But, I'm still not going to message him. There's no point in doing that. Not at this moment in time.
I'm quite the "overthinker" myself. Must be part of this condition.... :(
Married.
In LE with married LO :-\

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WishMagick
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Re: Modified NC Experiment #2

Post by WishMagick » Fri Mar 20, 2020 5:44 pm

peter.rabbit wrote:
Fri Mar 20, 2020 4:48 am

I'm quite the "overthinker" myself. Must be part of this condition.... :(
I've always been an overthinker.

The temptation to message him is really bad today. I still fear that I will take something the wrong way and be upset.
I've been messaging with his wife, though, so I know that they are ok in general. I told her to let me know if I can do anything for them and she responded with gratitude - not with a snarky "joke" or whatever his response was when I told him that.

I showed the chat to my husband and my husband thinks it was a joke, but I definitely disagree. His jokes aren't sophisticated like that. :))
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old
(He lives next door)

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

User avatar
WishMagick
Posts: 548
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Modified NC - Experiment #2

Post by WishMagick » Sat Mar 21, 2020 12:59 am

I unfollowed his posts on FB.

This was a big step for me. I am telling myself it's temporary. But, maybe this will bring me one step closer to staying away from him completely.

It's starting to hurt too much. I already have so much pain in my heart grieving my mother. That's a lifelong process because my love for her is deep. I don't need to add more pain to my current load.

Again, it seems that I am angry with him, but I know it's anger towards myself - for letting whatever he does or doesn't do - bother me so much.

Working on loosening my mental grip on him, and letting him go.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old
(He lives next door)

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

User avatar
WishMagick
Posts: 548
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
Gender:
United States of America

Re: UPDATE: BROKE NC - Modified NC - Experiment #2

Post by WishMagick » Tue Mar 24, 2020 6:44 pm

Day 10 and I broke NC.

I text messaged him asking if he is feeling better and I asked about his boys too.

I guess I will start NC again after this COVID-19 lockdown is over and everything returns to "normal".

I care too much about him to pretend that I don't. It's not a secret that I care about both LO, his wife and their children. I do and there is nothing wrong with that.

I don't even know if partial/modified NC will do anything for me. I don't think it will.
I should only message him when I deem it truly necessary and not just when I am bored and want to chat with him. That never goes well, anyway.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old
(He lives next door)

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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