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The Ultimate No Contact

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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moonbeams1225
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The Ultimate No Contact

Post by moonbeams1225 » Thu Feb 13, 2020 7:57 pm

I am going to do the ultimate act of NC. I’m going to change jobs. My LO is a co-worker, and I will never get over him if I see him everyday. It kind of sucks because I love where I work, but I can’t keep doing this. Plus, I want to hurt him too by leaving.
Married with co-worker LO My current goal: NC until he gives me the attention I want ( never went longer than 4 days :-o and whenever I feel like contacting him, I will come here.

marko
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Re: The Ultimate No Contact

Post by marko » Thu Feb 13, 2020 8:32 pm

Good for you. I don't dare take a job offer where my LO now works despite it being better financially and professsionally.

Maddie
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Re: The Ultimate No Contact

Post by Maddie » Thu Feb 13, 2020 9:11 pm

moonbeams1225 wrote:
Thu Feb 13, 2020 7:57 pm
Plus, I want to hurt him too by leaving.
What do you mean by the above statement? no judgment, just curious. Also what do you mean in your signature line about NC until he gives you the attention you want? what kind of attention do you want from him?

Best luck on your journey. it sure has been painful for me too w/ a whole myriad of feelings: elation, sadness, anger, jealousy, confusion, longing, etc .
40, F
ex-LO, 51 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

moonbeams1225
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Re: The Ultimate No Contact

Post by moonbeams1225 » Fri Feb 14, 2020 12:47 am

He’s rejected me so many times, but he leads me on when he is lonely. If I leave, I know it will hurt him. I want attention that shows he respects me. He uses me for support when his girlfriend breaks up with him 😞 It really is so toxic for me. I know exactly what you mean about the myriad of emotions!!!

Sigh
Married with co-worker LO My current goal: NC until he gives me the attention I want ( never went longer than 4 days :-o and whenever I feel like contacting him, I will come here.

Maddie
Posts: 1230
Joined: Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:09 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: The Ultimate No Contact

Post by Maddie » Fri Feb 14, 2020 4:56 pm

You are finally realizing you are worth more!! 😊
40, F
ex-LO, 51 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

mamasita
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Re: The Ultimate No Contact

Post by mamasita » Fri Feb 14, 2020 5:11 pm

Hi moonbeams,

I also have been rejected multiple times, and my LO also used to reach out every few months when lonely, at my emotional expense. I can't have him like I want him, but occasionally he liked to dangle that in my face. He acted innocent but after awhile I think he realized what it was doing to me. Having me on a roller coaster ride made him feel like the top dog. :ymsmug: It hurts. It's not related to your worth. He just has the power.
"I want attention that shows he respects me." But I think you know that respect is shown in how he treats you. Rejecting someone who you KNOW likes you, only to continue to send mixed messages is cruel. Not loving. Not respectful.
When I went no contact, I expected the LO would start reaching out again. He finally didn't...and that hurt. But it has allowed me to see that most of my assumptions about how he felt about ME were really projections from how I feel about him. Walk away for your sanity. Some people just trigger a lot of grief and anguish within. When those people don't love you like you deserve, it pulls you into a dark place. Don't go there. Preserve your mental health at all costs. If that means leaving your job to get your feelings sorted out and to love yourself, then do it! Take care.

After some time & healing, you will be ready to explore why you fell limerent for him, and how you can prevent it from happening again.

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