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Going NC with messages for a while...

A tough thing to do - the pros and cons
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WishMagick
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Going NC with messages for a while...

Post by WishMagick » Mon Feb 10, 2020 1:36 am

Going to make a thread about it here to keep me on track.

Last text message I sent him was December 29th - not even tempted to text him on his phone (but WILL in a split second if it's an emergency about his children since I watch them sometimes).

Last FB message was February 5th - this is going to be hard. This has been my main method of communication with him. Whenever I see him in person, we don't usually talk to each other much. We only have in person, real conversations once a month, maybe. So, cutting this out is going to cut out most of our contact. 8-|

I am doubting if I can do this.
I want to try for ONE month. GASP!

I'll re-evaluate if I want to keep on going with this after a whole month has passed. It seems a bit weird to me because I am attempting a friendship with him. But he obviously sees me as a very, very casual friend. So I should also be that. Casual. Everything I do seems forced to me. Especially because he never reaches out to me first.

Part of the reason I want to try this is to see if he will (reach out to me first)...
I know that is not a really good reason to go NC / LC or anything similar. But, I'm hoping it will be a wake up call that will help me see that he doesn't think I'm special and he doesn't like me beyond a casual and friendly way (which I know deep down inside, I'm just looking for proof).

This isn't really NC though, as I am sure that I will be talking to him at some point. I don't think not messaging will be a problem for me until I feel like I NEED to tell him something. I'll have a talk with myself to say that I don't need to. And if something needs to be communicated to him, I can tell my husband to message him. Or I can message his wife to relay something. I just need to avoid directly contacting him.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Recovering. Finally.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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WishMagick
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Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
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Re: Going NC with messages for a while...

Post by WishMagick » Tue Feb 11, 2020 4:41 am

While I am still holding strong on not messaging him, a couple of things happened today that just shows that NC is impossible for me in my situation...

He texted me. Sort of.

He created a group text with me and my DH a while back, so technically he texted both me and my husband. And I had to text him back because he asked about his children and my husband was too busy to answer.

His children were at my house this evening and I watched them while he cooked dinner for them.

He came to my house to get his sons for dinner. So, I saw him. I talked to him. He kept thanking me over and over and seemed very grateful (just like I did when he went out of his way to pick up beds for my sons!!!) He was asking me questions and he was smiling a TON. An amazing shy smile. (that I don't see him ever give anyone else). He also HAD to bring up his workouts (he does this a lot). He picked both of his sons up at the same time and carried them out and he told me it was his second workout of the day.

He was so gorgeous (eyes sparkling, amazing shy smile, and how he always lowers his voice around me and he sounds so sexy) this evening that it was PAINFUL not to say something outrageously inappropriate to him. But I didn't. Though, I was probably staring. And I'm not even sure if he notices me staring at him because I am too busy looking at him from head to toe.

My husband was in our sons' playroom and he didn't come out to monitor what was happening with me and LO. Which was surprising.

So yeah, no messaging first on my part, but I had a rather large hit of LO today. Way more than I get from our online conversations...
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Recovering. Finally.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

User avatar
WishMagick
Posts: 304
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
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Re: Going NC with messages for a while...

Post by WishMagick » Tue Feb 11, 2020 4:48 pm

Ughhhh!!

I'm so tempted to message him today!!
It's because I saw him yesterday and it was so brief, but so good. Isn't it so ridiculous that such a brief and seemingly meaningless encounter with our LOs are turned into the biggest drug hits ever??

I am still on a pretty serious high from the attention he gave me yesterday and just remembering what he looked and sounded like.

Then my dream about him isn't helping.

I want to message him and tell him about my dream. But I won't. That would be the start of giving away too much. It wasn't a sex dream or anything. We were just talking about something interesting. Felt like a real conversation we would have.

I worry that if I hold back messaging him that it will increase my chances of blurting out something embarrassing to him in person!!

Oh boy do I have to distract myself today from messaging him!! This is so hard!! It hasn't even been a week yet!! It will be on Wednesday.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Recovering. Finally.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

User avatar
WishMagick
Posts: 304
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Going NC with messages for a while...

Post by WishMagick » Wed Feb 12, 2020 6:58 pm

Today marks one week since I've messaged him in our FB chat. It feels like so much longer than that. I am still pretty itchy, even though I don't really have anything to say to him. So I recognize that I am just feening for a hit. And I am also recognizing that the high I get from messaging him is not as monumental as the high I get from seeing him in person in combination with him smiling at me and asking me questions. That is the ultimate combination for me.

So overall, not chatting with him online should be sustainable for me. I have to believe that I can keep this up.

It doesn't matter what he thinks, but, I bet at this point he doesn't even notice that I have not reached out to him - and that it's been a week.

Something tells me that if I can make it to one month (and I don't see him much inbetween or if our in-person encounters are positive for him) he might notice that I haven't reached out to him.

I was consistently messaging him about once per week. At times twice per week. If he had come to expect it, then after a month he might notice.

This is definitely more of a test than anything.
A test for me to see if I have the resolve to stay away on the internet. And a test for him to see if he ever reaches out first.

I don't think he will.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Recovering. Finally.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

User avatar
WishMagick
Posts: 304
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Going NC with messages for a while...

Post by WishMagick » Thu Feb 13, 2020 3:31 am

I'm starting to think this is really silly.

I saw him again today. I was at his house with his wife, their children and my children. Then he came home from work. We interacted a little.
I didn't get a super dopamine hit. I think it's because he behaves differently around me when our spouses are around. When I saw him on Monday he was all smiles and eye sparkles because no other adult was in the room with us.

LO and his wife were bickering with each other in front of me. They have done this one other time a few months back. I never know what to do when that happens. I make it look like I'm not paying attention. I try to fade into the background. Haha!

He is still liking my posts on FB. Yet he won't message me.
I still don't think he will.

And if he does, then I don't think I'll be going in the right direction with this anymore.

Even though it is silly to go NC with messages and still see him and interact with him in person, I think I should still hold off for a month. I want to see it through. I think if I make it through, and he doesn't message me. I'll be that much closer to ending this LE and finally be a real friend to him (a friend that doesn't want to have sex with him).
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Recovering. Finally.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

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