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my staying away from the forum "experiment"

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
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NoDayDreaming
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my staying away from the forum "experiment"

Post by NoDayDreaming » Sat Feb 08, 2020 3:19 pm

i'm coming back after a self-imposed 2 week exile from the forum. i didn't post for 2 weeks and i didn't go to the forum at all for 1 week. it wasn't really my idea. my wife, who knows i'm active on the forum, noticed i tend to spend a lot of time here and she challenged me to stay away. first for a week, and later upped the ante to 2 weeks. in her mind, i was addicted. i knew i was not really addicted, but i had a habit to reaching for the forum by default when i had nothing else to do. so, i did it to prove it to her. sure enough, it wasn't an addiction, there was no withdrawal. i don't have any grandiose ideas that i'm really needed or helpful here, so i trusted everyone will be just fine. and that seems to be the case.

so, what did i learned about it besides the no addiction thing? i did learn that i used the forum in a way that was maladjusted. turns out without the forum, i was able to concentrate at work on some mundane boring paperwork tasks, that otherwise would be swept aside if i had full access to the forum as a distraction. so yes, i used the forum as a escape from unpleasant tasks.

i think this is a huge thing for us, brothers and sisters in limerence. we use limerence or some other means to escape from the real life. a lot of us has a history of psychologic or substance addictions. some of us use obsessive reading, obsessive movie watching, daydreaming to distract ourselves from our psychological pain or beredom. in the past, i used various forums to that too, so it's not a big surprise i used the limerence.net in that way too.

knowing it will help me to avoid this maladjusted way. i'll try to limit my forum use on weekends and see how it goes.

happy "experimenting" to all of you,
NDD
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

Acrobatica
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Re: my staying away from the forum "experiment"

Post by Acrobatica » Sat Feb 08, 2020 4:15 pm

I am trying the same thing.

Several people noted that I am more present at work. And ha! I thought I was hiding it so well.

Still will use this forum on occasion to journal and work out thoughts. But also trying to let this final crutch go.

Pandora
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Re: my staying away from the forum "experiment"

Post by Pandora » Sat Feb 08, 2020 4:44 pm

Forums like this have their pluses and minuses. On one hand, it's always amazing to know that I'm not alone, and when withdrawal was really taxing me it made me feel better to come and read the experiences of others who were going through/had gone through it as well. Plus just being able to air thoughts and work through things in a forum of like-minded people. On the other hand, I also think that reading posts from people who are still deeply in limerence can be a bit triggering for my own limerence, especially during that phase where I was just starting to come out of it and my recovery was very precarious. Which, this isn't to shit on people who are still deeply in limerence - I've made those posts as well, and it was very helpful to me at the time. I just have to be careful sometimes about what I read on here.
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

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Re: my staying away from the forum "experiment"

Post by Maddie » Sat Feb 08, 2020 5:27 pm

Ditto to what NDD, Pandora, and Acro said.
I have an obsessive compulsive nature. I often come here just out of habit. Not a bad habit. I've been greatly helped and with these resources you all have shared, just wow!! We do seem to have similar knowledge and/or interests....feels good to be in the community of like minded ppl. I have felt triggered as well. Boy, have I! But it happens to everyone...we all probably get triggered. I perhaps have unintentionally been a trigger at some point.

I have to aim for more balance too. I need to " be here now " 😊 my lil one is chatting with me even as I type atm. Life is calling, as a limerent friend often has said.

Being a part of this online community has supported me in bettering my life! I may still get into stinkin thinkin sometimes or venting...but like one big azz dysfunctional family, I love you guys.
40, F
ex-LO, 51 , M
Mental health is an ongoing commitment to reality at all costs-- (M Scott Peck)

Acrobatica
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Re: my staying away from the forum "experiment"

Post by Acrobatica » Sat Feb 08, 2020 7:46 pm

Yes. I agree that this place can be both triggering, enlightening, and a huge source of support.

Thank you guys for being supportive during this painful journey.

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David
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Re: my staying away from the forum "experiment"

Post by David » Sun Feb 09, 2020 7:08 am

NoDayDreaming wrote:
Sat Feb 08, 2020 3:19 pm
we use limerence or some other means to escape from the real life.
Interesting post NDD and good to try mixing things up. I've come to the conclusion we all district in some way, eating, shopping, surfing, working, sexing (is there such a word?) and so on. Perhaps life is about finding ways to live which are the least disruptive to our wellbeing?

It reminds me of a discussion with SO last night after I purchased a VR headset and am playing around with a virtual world. Or is it virtual? SO is of the view its another way of distracting. She prefers being in nature. I can now be in nature whilst sitting in a chair in a warm room with my headset on! Is that a bad thing? Is it part of our human evolution to start living in alternative worlds? I've no idea, all I know is I am having a blast.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Relationship Coaching/Therapy see www.loverelations.co.uk

L-F
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Re: my staying away from the forum "experiment"

Post by L-F » Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:43 am

Good for you David and NDD. Video games, virtual, forums, whatever, aren't bad and when you think about it, you ARE in the NOW while engaged with xyz distraction, thus its not really a distraction, instead it's called... hmmm, let me think. Oh yeah! Fun.

And we all know fun, laughter, banter, whatever brings a smile to our face (for some it might be sexing, or is that sexting?), which is good for our soul, psyche, emotional and mental wellbeing.

And like all things, alcohol, video games, etc, etc, it's when it interferes with our everyday life and monopolizes our thoughts, it's no longer good for our soul, psyche, emotional and mental wellbeing, and thus, no longer fun.

FB is my pathetic addiction, not forums. When I say pathetic, it's more about checking several times a day what others post since I very rarely post on it. Perhaps I'm engaged in some weird kind of nonsexual voyeurism. Whatever it is, its pathetic.

Good on you NDD!
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
@};-

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WishMagick
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Re: my staying away from the forum "experiment"

Post by WishMagick » Mon Feb 10, 2020 1:17 am

L-F wrote:
Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:43 am


FB is my pathetic addiction, not forums. When I say pathetic, it's more about checking several times a day what others post since I very rarely post on it. Perhaps I'm engaged in some weird kind of nonsexual voyeurism. Whatever it is, its pathetic.
If you're pathetic, then so am I.

We all know I am quite the voyeur and I like FB for the same reason. I scroll through and see what everyone else is up to more than I post. And I love looking out of my windows to the outside world and observing what others do! lol!

Society tries to make me feel guilty about it, but I don't feel guilty or wrong naturally. I'm not hurting anyone.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Recovering. Finally.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

Max
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Re: my staying away from the forum "experiment"

Post by Max » Mon Feb 10, 2020 2:12 am

Hey NDD, yeah I've been wondering about much the same thing in recent weeks, even though I don't post so often. I lurk a lot.

I feel guilty for coming here, like I sometimes use it as an excuse to indulge this same, boring old repetitive, unhelpful thought loops.

There's a song I like by a band called the Blue Aeroplanes with the lyric 'I can't talk to her, so I'd like to talk about her.' Yeah, that.

And I do remember that last time letting go of this forum (or its precursor) was a big step in my gradual recovery.

It might be nice to know though that I did wonder about and miss you. :)

And there is something to be said for belonging to something, where you're understood, esp for such a specific thing which so few ppl who haven't experienced it understand, and a general sense of community and support fostered here too.

NVTS
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Re: my staying away from the forum "experiment"

Post by NVTS » Mon Feb 10, 2020 5:29 pm

Since we all have 24 hours in a day to spend, I like using some of that time here. I don’t let the limerence interfere with my other duties and obligations. Even when I was in the worst part of it I still managed to discharge my duties effectively.

I like this forum for many reasons but mainly because I can identify with so much of what everyone shares like no other place. When I read posts from newcomers I am reminded of the pain but in a good way. I can offer some solace and experience. As a “lifer” I know that I will never be rid of it but this latest LE has changed my life for the better unlike all the previous ones.

I don’t do social media but I do have a stable of other hobbies and interests so between work, family, and personal activities I don’t mind coming here for a bit.
M-47-married
LO- married 48,work colleagues

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