- Posts: 8
- Joined: Sat Feb 01, 2020 7:50 am
I'm amazed that I've never heard of this term "limerence" before today, because I'm pretty much addicted to diagnosing myself on the internet. It's pretty much what I've experienced my entire life in relationships with others, both romantically and non-romantically. I can trace these types of feelings back to my childhood.
Here's my general therapy path:
Was extremely lonely and socially anxious as a child/teenager, but flew under the radar and did not receive any help then.
In late high school/ college, experimented with various drugs and eventually had a bad mushroom trip that caused persistent suicidal thoughts. Started therapy when I was about 19.
Therapy for "depression" off and on for years.
When I was about 25, I started going to a therapist who wanted to explore my relationship with my family. She said she was curious, because even though I was living with them at the time, I had very little to say about them. I ended up exploring Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) with her, which marks the true beginning of my journey towards healing. I think a lot of what I go through now and went through in my younger years has to do with my family.
I've had limerent feelings my whole life, both towards "real life" people and towards celebrities.
My current LO is a friend of 8 years who I developed feelings for after a hookup about 4.5 years ago. She is a part of my primary community, so this makes NC difficult, but not impossible.
Recently, I started reading about attachment styles. I recognize myself very much in the "anxious attachment" descriptor. The book I've been reading is called "Attached", and it's been very useful to me in noticing the behaviors I do when my attachment system is "activated". I started having more compulsive feelings about LO and researched OCD, since it's in my family history and I have a history of trichotillomania/dermatillomania. That lead me to the term "ROCD" and then "limerence". Reading about limerence feels like I'm reading something written about me. I'm definitely still hurting over all of this, but I feel hopeful for healing in the future. Nice to be here.