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wife in limerent affair

Find support here if your partner is in limerence, having an affair or love addicted.
L-F
Posts: 2735
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: wife in limerent affair

Post by L-F » Wed Feb 12, 2020 6:13 pm

It also sounds like she wants you to rescue her.

Some women want their man to take the leading role and fight for them, as a way to prove they are worthy.

Much strength you.
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
@};-

marko
Posts: 1608
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: wife in limerent affair

Post by marko » Wed Feb 12, 2020 7:54 pm

Keep an ear out for the wanting to escape thing. Wanting to leave the current location may even sound nice as an LO distancing tool, and may be better, but I remember thinking all kinds of escapes. I really wanted to escape myself. Distancing everything seemed a good thing as I wouldn't need to deal with LO or others. I still was running from me.

John
Posts: 67
Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2019 3:14 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: wife in limerent affair

Post by John » Thu Feb 13, 2020 1:39 am

qwerty wrote:
Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:41 am
John:
You are right about the thoughts going through my head.... The worst time is in the evening... I start to think about all these questions, my future plans are ruined, my past doesn't make sense anymore, I feel as if my wife has died and I don't know this person who looks like her. I am easily triggered for example if I'm watching TV and see people kissing... I can't stop reliving the events of that night when I found out.... I was completely broken.
querty, yes we have gone through a trauma and have a type of PTSD. I too am triggered by kissing and shows on TV involving affairs. Time will heal but don't put a limit on it. Also, it sounds like your wife is keeping you as a backup in case her LE falls apart. This is a very common thing. She cannot stand not having someone for validation. Stay strong and independent and she should respect you.

qwerty
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2020 12:30 pm
Lebanon

Re: wife in limerent affair

Post by qwerty » Fri Feb 14, 2020 2:26 pm

Thanks for the replies.

L-F: I didn't mean to threaten her, but I think she is deep in the affair fog and does not have a good grasp of reality, and for that reason I don't trust her... so of course I will use a lawyer if she forces the divorce issue again, but I don't want a divorce. I believe she is not in her right mind and I do miss the love she gave me and the fun we had together, and I want that back. I know that if we get back together recovery will be a long and hard process that we both have to work on.
I don't think she knows about this forum. She is not a computer person at all, and I don't think she even knows what a forum is.

marko: What you say makes sense. She is the type of person who often gets herself into messy situations and then runs away instead of dealing with it. This why she cuts contact to people so suddenly, I've seen her do it to friends and family and other people before. She has also talked about "running away and joining an ashram" at some point during this, when she was discussing being in love with two persons at the same time...
However I also fear that she wants to leave with the LO. I cannot guess what she's thinking, and I don't want to ask her... But I think if she does then I am not going to go on waiting for her any longer.

The thing is, I think the fog is clouding her thinking so much, she does not have any realistic plans for how to move somewhere else or what are the real life implications of that... what she told me about her plans sounds like pure fantasy. Unless she is planning something else and is not being honest with me.

John: yes I think it is some form of PTSD and my therapist is specialist in trauma. I know that time will make it better... I do feel like I'm plan B and I'm trying to stop signaling that I'll always wait for her unconditionally. Not necessarily saying explicitly "I won't wait for you", but at least stop signaling "I will always wait for you"

I feel that her godmother's visit is going to have a big effect. But I cannot predict if it's going to be a positive or a negative effect... I think there will be some big drama next week and I hope I will be strong enough to cope with whatever hapens.

marko
Posts: 1608
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: wife in limerent affair

Post by marko » Fri Feb 14, 2020 7:16 pm

It must be hard to fathom how strange this is. The delusional fog had me thinking all kinds of things. I was also sure that was the real me. One thinks of things like this and how one has to hit bottom, but for you to watch and hope for that would be hard. I was even sure I could weather the bottom as she was my rescue. It was sobering to me when I couldn't fit her into family events and how messed up my future would be in regards to my kids. I'm no hero, but felt like extra zero to my son. Take care as it unfolds.

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