Information: Please take a moment and visit your profile to choose a flag.

How do I stop this from happening again?

Open forum ... what's on your mind? Want to vent or lament about your Limerent/Love Object? This is the ideal place.
Yesnomaybeso
Posts: 92
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2018 12:11 pm
Gender:
Age: 29
Australia

How do I stop this from happening again?

Post by Yesnomaybeso » Wed Jan 15, 2020 12:23 am

I already feel the longing and pain coming back. It’s been so nice not having to worry about this. I was a fool to think that I was somewhat healed. All it took was some validation and it’s back. I feel so sad. I’ll never be able to have a normal life.

moonbeams1225
Posts: 29
Joined: Wed Jan 08, 2020 9:29 pm
Gender:
United States of America

Re: How do I stop this from happening again?

Post by moonbeams1225 » Wed Jan 15, 2020 12:56 am

I’m sorry 😞 Yes, just a tiny bit of validation flares it right back up again...
Married with co-worker LO My current goal: NC until he gives me the attention I want ( never went longer than 4 days :-o and whenever I feel like contacting him, I will come here.

User avatar
WishMagick
Posts: 238
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
Gender:
United States of America

Re: How do I stop this from happening again?

Post by WishMagick » Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:00 am

I can only offer you solidarity.

I am terrified of the possibility of LO giving me any kind of validation. I guess nothing will work until we view them differently. All it took for me to get over the other LEs I've had is seeing them for who they really are (flawed human beings that I don't want to actually deal with).

I guess if we can just really believe that they aren't special, then we will see them differently and whatever they say or do regarding us won't matter to us very much.
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Semi-LC. Slowly recovering.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

townshend
Posts: 1067
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:19 am
Gender:
Age: 24
United States of America

Re: How do I stop this from happening again?

Post by townshend » Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:39 am

Yesnomaybeso wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 12:23 am
I already feel the longing and pain coming back. It’s been so nice not having to worry about this. I was a fool to think that I was somewhat healed. All it took was some validation and it’s back. I feel so sad. I’ll never be able to have a normal life.
from LO or someone new?
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

Max
Posts: 57
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2014 12:25 am
Great Britain

Re: How do I stop this from happening again?

Post by Max » Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:11 am

WishMagick wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:00 am

I guess if we can just really believe that they aren't special, then we will see them differently and whatever they say or do regarding us won't matter to us very much.
I dunno. I think even long after the infatuation bubble's well and truly burst, personally I STILL really crave that validation, acceptance, attention, almost as much as when I was in fully blown 'LO is the answer to everything' mode. And that really sucks. I suppose that's why NC is the only solution. They're cast into kryptonite for us, possible forever more.

Like a certain song lyric goes: 'I've seen your deepest flaws. I'm ashamed to say they made me want you more and I was in awe.'

User avatar
WishMagick
Posts: 238
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
Gender:
United States of America

Re: How do I stop this from happening again?

Post by WishMagick » Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:14 am

But that just really confuses me...


If you see someone for who they are, including their flaws and you still think the sun shines out of their butt - isn't that love?!?!

What is love?!?! (Baby, don't hurt me, no more) :))
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Semi-LC. Slowly recovering.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

Yesnomaybeso
Posts: 92
Joined: Tue Dec 18, 2018 12:11 pm
Gender:
Age: 29
Australia

Re: How do I stop this from happening again?

Post by Yesnomaybeso » Wed Jan 15, 2020 6:10 am

townshend wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 1:39 am
Yesnomaybeso wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 12:23 am
I already feel the longing and pain coming back. It’s been so nice not having to worry about this. I was a fool to think that I was somewhat healed. All it took was some validation and it’s back. I feel so sad. I’ll never be able to have a normal life.
from LO or someone new?
LO. It was under control. I couldbe friends with them and not long for anything else. Then we kissed and he asked me out and ever since I can't stop thinking about them like old times.

Cookie
Posts: 830
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: How do I stop this from happening again?

Post by Cookie » Wed Jan 15, 2020 3:19 pm

WishMagick wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:14 am
But that just really confuses me...


If you see someone for who they are, including their flaws and you still think the sun shines out of their butt - isn't that love?!?!

What is love?!?! (Baby, don't hurt me, no more) :))
Manson's followers...was that love?
Person

User avatar
WishMagick
Posts: 238
Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:00 pm
Location: Wonderland
Gender:
United States of America

Re: How do I stop this from happening again?

Post by WishMagick » Wed Jan 15, 2020 4:35 pm

Cookie wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 3:19 pm
WishMagick wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:14 am
But that just really confuses me...


If you see someone for who they are, including their flaws and you still think the sun shines out of their butt - isn't that love?!?!

What is love?!?! (Baby, don't hurt me, no more) :))
Manson's followers...was that love?
Uh, no. But, isn't that different? How about when you see someone for who they are, including their flaws and they are NOT a psychopath? Is that not love?
Married - 38.5 yrs old
LO is married - 32 yrs old - lives next door!!!
Semi-LC. Slowly recovering.

I'm a SAHM and indie musician. "My unyielding melancholy brings all the existentialists to the yard"

Cookie
Posts: 830
Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2017 4:08 pm
United States of America

Re: How do I stop this from happening again?

Post by Cookie » Wed Jan 15, 2020 4:45 pm

WishMagick wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 4:35 pm
Cookie wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 3:19 pm
WishMagick wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 2:14 am
But that just really confuses me...


If you see someone for who they are, including their flaws and you still think the sun shines out of their butt - isn't that love?!?!

What is love?!?! (Baby, don't hurt me, no more) :))
Manson's followers...was that love?
Uh, no. But, isn't that different? How about when you see someone for who they are, including their flaws and they are NOT a psychopath? Is that not love?
How do you know he or she isn't a psychopath? Several of my LOs have been, but of course I couldn't see it until I got away. This isn't true for every LO, but in reading the forum this morning, there is clearly plenty of that going around.

It's a common pattern with these types of interactions, if you read and/or watch videos about narcissism/inverted narcissism, which is on the same spectrum as psychopathy and sociopathy.

I think what has kept a lot of us tied to our LOs for too long is the FALSE belief that this is somehow love. People who care about us don't treat us this way. They don't manipulate us for their own gain.
Person

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests