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Professional conversations and boundaries with coworkers

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Pattihopeful
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Professional conversations and boundaries with coworkers

Post by Pattihopeful » Tue Jan 14, 2020 3:51 pm

What would you say are guidelines for professional conversations with co-workers? I know I need much stronger boundaries. What do we mean by keeping it professional? Does it mean not asking about how you are doing etc? I am trying to put up safeguards and change I interactions with my LO and thought it could be a good conversation.
Last edited by Pattihopeful on Thu Jan 16, 2020 12:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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NoDayDreaming
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Re: Professional conversations and boundaries with coworkers

Post by NoDayDreaming » Tue Jan 14, 2020 4:11 pm

i would say no oversharing, no flirting, no hopes for a romantic thing. definitely no day dreaming, LOL.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

L-F
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Re: Professional conversations and boundaries with coworkers

Post by L-F » Tue Jan 14, 2020 6:12 pm

Boundaries are emotional and mental limits that we naturally create to protect ourselves. Establishing professional boundaries in our lives enables a distinction between what we are thinking and feeling from the thoughts and feelings of others that we work with. Boundaries are useful and effective because they help define responsibilities and expectations of team members in the workplace.

It is important that we not confuse walls with boundaries. A wall is what we put up between ourselves and others to keep them out; whereas a boundary is what we put up between ourselves and others to keep their behavior out. People who are adept at setting boundaries understand the importance of separating an individual from their behavior.

Some people struggle with setting boundaries because they don’t want to be seen as “the bad guy” or are afraid of hurting the feelings of others or alienating them. Setting our own boundaries may require talking about personal space, setting limits, and outlining what is acceptable behavior in the workplace.

7 tips for setting boundaries at work
https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-tips-fo ... s-at-work/

I got more of an dopamine hit from holding firm boundaries with LO than not having them. The same hit you get when you finish a fast, or hit the gym. I valued reaching a 'goal' over how LO responded to me setting boundaries. Be aware they might up the anti! But this just means your boundaries are working and it forces them to evaluate their own agendas. They wont like it! It's like telling the husband he's right bang snack in the middle of an argument. It confuses them. At the same time, it will highlight EXACTLY how unprofessional he has been... making him face his own double standards. He'll have no one to get grumpy with other than himself.

In short, you'll be standing him up and walking the path of true professionalism.
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
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Cookie
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Re: Professional conversations and boundaries with coworkers

Post by Cookie » Tue Jan 14, 2020 10:15 pm

I think that a simple rule of thumb is, "Does it relate to work or performing a work-related task?" Other than that, only sports and weather, honestly. And maybe health, esp. if a coworker is getting over a cold or an illness. Otherwise, there's a tendency (even with non-LOs) to mix personal and professional, and then things get weird. There are expectations of birthday lunches, after-work drinks, baby showers, etc. I sound like a Scrooge, but in my years of working in offices, those things inevitably led to oversharing, gossip, affairs, and cliques. And stress...
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Sara
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Re: Professional conversations and boundaries with coworkers

Post by Sara » Tue Jan 14, 2020 10:20 pm

I experienced this first hand, whenI met my LO at work, my boss asked me to be his buddy ie to show him around introduce him to people show him the processes etc
So what did i do? I organised a lunch together to show him the canteen!
I felt that i was crossing my boundaries having a one to one lunch with a guy, but then i thought im too old fashioned hes just a colleague and im happily married who cares..
I wish i stopped myself!!!!!
Moral ofthe story you know deep down what are the boundaries you should stick to, and everyone has its own because we all have different acceptance level of what is and whats not acceptable ...
limerence with former colleague since sept 2015

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Sara
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Re: Professional conversations and boundaries with coworkers

Post by Sara » Tue Jan 14, 2020 10:22 pm

From that moment we started oversharing and getting to know each other on a very personal level
This to me is the limit between being professional and not
limerence with former colleague since sept 2015

Pattihopeful
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Re: Professional conversations and boundaries with coworkers

Post by Pattihopeful » Tue Jan 14, 2020 10:57 pm

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Last edited by Pattihopeful on Thu Jan 16, 2020 12:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pattihopeful
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Re: Professional conversations and boundaries with coworkers

Post by Pattihopeful » Wed Jan 15, 2020 3:59 pm

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Last edited by Pattihopeful on Thu Jan 16, 2020 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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NoDayDreaming
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Re: Professional conversations and boundaries with coworkers

Post by NoDayDreaming » Wed Jan 15, 2020 4:09 pm

...
Last edited by NoDayDreaming on Thu Jan 16, 2020 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

Pattihopeful
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Re: Update on me setting some with LO. Professional conversations and boundaries with coworkers

Post by Pattihopeful » Thu Jan 16, 2020 12:59 pm

Thanks, NDD and yes it is helping me through this relapse.

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